The media furore of the last few days

i remember more than once walking into our main offices and finding someone sitting there refusing to move and sadly it always the rule of "those that shout louder"! :(

SS always believe that if you arent shouting for it, you cant need it that bad
my sister has had the 6 hours she got taken away from her, she has 2 disabled children and her husband has left. She is now a single mum on her own, with 4 children, 2 who are effected by CP and she gets nothing :( life is pretty sucky for all carers

While the last few days must have been incredibly stressful for Riven at a time of already heightened stress, I am sure when all of the personal attention dies down, she will realise that what has occured will have long term positive affects.

Although she probably didn't realise how it would all explode, she is not stupid and some part of her must have known her existing 'Dave' connection could lead to this getting into the national press - even if it wasn't a concious intention at the time.

Justine is quite right when she says the media want a personal angle, but it is not just the media, it is the public at large who generally have very little understanding of these issues - they understand them much better if they can relate them to a 'face'. Concepts and ideas without that are much more abstract and feed into the "well it doesn't affect me so I don't care attitude". If they can relate it to a person they have much more understanding or at least inclination to empathy.

The front page interest in all of this will die down - but it has given charities some much needed ammunition to enable them to push their campaigns into the spotlight. Once they have public attention, it is much easier to keep the interest up. It is generating the interest in the first place that is the problem and this episode has helped to achieve that very difficult feat. Riven was in a unique position to do that. She was the one who said that she wanted the issue to be about all carers and the charities will make sure it is. I really do hope that, with hindsight, she comes to see all of this in a positive light.

Either way, my thoughts are with her, her beautiful daughter and the rest of the family for what they do on a daily basis. It cannot be easy and I admire her and all of the other parents with seriously disabled children for doing what they do because they have very little choice - I'm not sure I could do it!

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As for the funding for carers - the carers grant was ringfenced up until this year and it was substantial - the real criminal fact is that most councils massively underspent their carers grant, despite the number of people desperate for a break.

If anyone is particularly interested in this (and has a blog or something they want to write about it on) I suggest that you write to a number of councils in your local vacinity with a freedom of information request asking questions like:

What services are provided for carers. How much do they cost?

Over the last four years, what percentage of your carers grant did you spend on respite?

What proportion of carers on your books were provided with respite in the last four years (giving figures for each year)?

What is the average hours of respite each carer gets?

I know you would be very shocked at the answers!

I really do hope Riven and her family are well and they are now getting the support/will be getting very soon the support that they need.

To be honest, this has been happening to families like Rivens for years and has nothing to do with local authority cuts. I've been told of families sitting in the reception of social services here and refusing to leave as they have been refused support for a severly disabled child. One child I cared for was too large to be carried upstairs by his mother and social services wouldn't help them, meaning he was sleeping downstairs and his mother slept on the floor next to him! This was in 2005. Childrens services and those for the elderly are always underfunded and are the first affected when there are cuts. I don't blame the current government as they don't tell the Local Authorities where to make the cuts but I do think that they should ring fence some of the funds that they give to them because it will be spent elsewhere. Derby city council for example is spending millions renovating the council house while staff are losing their jobs and services are being slashed. Rediculous!

Thanks Justine Although am concerned that DH doesn't ring you back immediately? . I'd post about that in AIBU if I were you.

Best Wishes to Riven and family.

My concern with what happened is that Riven posted saying she couldn't cope. On the back of a very short post, with no real information (ie had social services agreed; had Riven been using it as a threat to get more help; was it a cry for help; how much respite did she actually get etc etc) and with no request for anything but a reply, people tripped over themselves to contact journalists/ the PM/ Liz Hurley fgs/ set up Facebook sites etc. Without asking if they should, and without knowing exactly what the situation was. It was only later that Riven asked someone to contact the PM.
I think Mumsnet HQ should decide whether guidelines should be issued about appropriate, centralised responses of this kind.

I think the point is that MNHQ are trying to watch the back of a poster who has been through the ringer a fair bit over the last week. Not to mention the fact that there are no doubt DM/Gruaniad/Mirror journos doing a daily "Riven" search on MN to see if there are any interesting developments.

May I be the first to predict the "Vipers Nest: the ugly side of MN" type DM article (selectively) quoting this thread?

I really do hope Riven and her family are well and they are now getting the support/will be getting very soon the support that they need.

To be honest, this has been happening to families like Rivens for years and has nothing to do with local authority cuts. I've been told of families sitting in the reception of social services here and refusing to leave as they have been refused support for a severly disabled child. One child I cared for was too large to be carried upstairs by his mother and social services wouldn't help them, meaning he was sleeping downstairs and his mother slept on the floor next to him! This was in 2005. Childrens services and those for the elderly are always underfunded and are the first affected when there are cuts. I don't blame the current government as they don't tell the Local Authorities where to make the cuts but I do think that they should ring fence some of the funds that they give to them because it will be spent elsewhere. Derby city council for example is spending millions renovating the council house while staff are losing their jobs and services are being slashed. Rediculous!

Also:

it is true that parentc arers have been over represented here BUT I don;t think that is a surprise on a parent forum.

It's exactly as it should be no?

give us ten years and a lot of us will ahve elderly parents to care for and have a different side, another few and many of us will be disabled by age or caring for somone who is: that's how life is. Different websites represent different snapshots of life.

That's evident just by looking at post numbers in the different SEN sections isn't it?

Am thinking about setting up a forum for carers but that's ages away (as in, DH can help but is busy running two FT occupations and being a father and DH and I just stare blackly at the screen LOL) on that you woudl be mroe than welcome herbie. As ytou are here but can understand why you feel under represented.

This is so frustrating because actually what happened is extraordinary and there are several interesting discussions to be had from it. But every conversation becomes hijacked and all you can hear is the faint screech of axes being ground.

I thought the whole thing was mad, a huge runaway elephant of good intentions. But I think it was born of one persons despair and a collective desire to do something. Of course there was band wagon arrivals but that will always be the case. I never thought it was going to end well but would be delighted to be wrong. Delighted.

But the fact that riven isn't here is a shame. A high price to pay for the support she needed. Only she really will know in 6months time if it was worth it and I hope, really hope it was. Anyone who is at breaking point needs help and it is not anyones fault, least of all hers that her case provoked such a reaction.

When I have been down and desperate and needing help I can guarantee that my actions have never been sensible or rational. I wonder how anyone possibly thinks that would be the case.

Thanks for the update.

I think the situation before last week and after IS different: fior a start said poster is vulnerable to reporters still.

However I also know that I mailed you and offered support herbie and that still stands so not everyone is seeing only one side I can promise.

herbietea, clearly your upset with this, and what has happened in the past, but this isnt all about R, its about all carers and mainly their children.
Can you seriously say you are that upset by Rs DD getting some much needed time and care from someone who isnt exhasted?

If it was a personal attack you you have reported it, if not maybe it was a matter of differenting opinions

"The Power of Mumsnet" to me doesn't necessarily imply MNHQ involvement, but the efforts of many many individual MNers.

When people talk about the power of Twitter or Facebook, they don't mean that Zuckerberg or whoever invented Twitter had anything to do with it, they mean that this was the means of communicating and spreading the word.

Herbie, I have no idea what your second message said, it was deleted before I came back. If you feel in need of support on MN, ask for some. Riven posted in chat in the thread which started all this rather than SN (ironically I wonder if she wanted it to disappear at a later point, she knows the boards well enough to know how chat works) so it got a lot of traffic. Perhaps you could start a thread in SN so you get that crowd's expert input but link it from chat if you want more general support?

Attacking other posters, even if you feel wronged yourself, is not the way to get support.

and the point of bring that previous agrument onto this post would be...?

I don;t have any memory of those attacks Herbiw, I am sorry- so cannot respond to those.

And FWIW I know riven felt the smae as I did- that we might get the local news or papers invovled but it would never spiral as it did: we were perhaps naive, naivety isn't a crime and we now have learned.

Nobody should be attacked or pulled apart here: nobody. Most of us try to be as supportive as we can and I am going to be truthful: I am startibg to think being active on here will negatively impact my chances of getting work in RL (carer support).

Perhaps we cal all draw a line, forget past arguments (heck, even angelic me has had a few ) and move on? having learned that ALL people inpacted by ilives they did not choossse, incvluding disability, illness and caring responsbibilities, struggle and need a bit of support?

Just lost long reply.

The upshot was - which posters get attention and which don't can seem unfair, it's a talk board not a democracy.

You should have reported any alleged personal attacks at the time. Bringing it up now isn't really on.