HUsband hit me this evening

Oh, and you need to go the police or GP now to be able to get legal aid. You can’t leave it until you actually need legal aid, that won’t work.

You NEED to go to the police for a paper trail/record so that you can get legal aid.

AT LEAST go to your GP and tell them what has happened.

If you don’t report soon, you won’t get legal aid!

How are you this morning OP? Did you get to your mum's safely?

Op please allow your (son, I presume) to really see who their father is.

Protecting them both from the consequences of his actions is doing neither any favours.

Both need to see that the police will take it seriously.

I hope this will stop your son from minimizing his actions with future partners.

I was going to reply to your other thread about the narc, but when I saw this has happened I figured you probably didnt need the pile on I was going to give. But now having read this thread, I’m going so share my cruel to be kind view on this.

You describe yourself as an empath (a descriptor I hate anyway), but honestly I think you might be using this a synonym for a people pleaser.

Your husband has hit you. You can never entice anyone to do that and it be justified. It is criminal and he will do it again, to you or others. You’re making your own views and feelings unimportant again so as not to upset your DC. They will or should understand that this should be reported. They should know beyond a doubt that your behaviour cannot justify your husband hitting you, and if they don’t - now is the time to teach them that actions have consequences and it is not for the victim to absorb all of that alone to protect everyone around them.

You need to start putting yourself first - you’ve got a pattern of relationships where you seem to be an unwilling martyr. That is not on the other people in the relationship. You are fully in control of your actions and reactions and you need to realise that and take ownership. Your husband, your adult children and your narc “friend” cannot force you to make decisions or do things you do not choose to do.

@PinkPanthreess
4 slaps
14 slaps
24 slaps
You get my drift?
Then so on and so on just
Leave, and
Report him to the police
Bet if he were asked he'd say theyd been "slight taps"
And you'd overreacted ..........

So your children are ok with the fact that a man hit a woman? What darlings they must be. Police, now, stand up for yourself.

For future reference (because stats say it’s up to 9 incidents before someone permanently splits up with their abusive partner), if you call the police after being attacked, they will remove the offender. I’m disgusted at your adult kids telling you he was pushed to it. There is no excuse for hitting someone. At a minimum, you should call the non-emergency line so a marker can be placed on your house for domestic violence if you didn’t call last night.

Regardless of you, OP, this man may go on to commit further violent crimes against women, either future partners or any women.
He needs to have this on record.

The fact that one of your children (son?) thinks the violence was 'fitting' is shocking. You said he thought your H had 'been pushed' to do it.

If this is the role model he's had ( a violent dad) what does it say about he may treat the women in his life?

Your children may believe this was reactive abuse - but that’s still not ok.

How would you feel if your DC rang you to say their DH/DW had hit them?

How would you feel if one of the DCs wound him up and he hit them 4 times?

Unless you were blocking the door, he had the option to walk away.
He could have also hit you once and been done but what’s the excuse for hitting you 4 times.

No matter how much someone ‘pushes your buttons’ you don’t physically attack them.

I would be going to the police to show my kids that this is unacceptable behaviour and that they should never put up with it in their own relationships.

Your DC may be upset either way you at first but I’d rather my child be upset with me but not put up with this behaviour in their own relationship, than think this is normal behaviour or that they’re somehow to blame if it ever happened to them.

Hope you are ok OP?

This happened when you were in writing your other post about being bullied by a narcissist in your group of friends… I believe you mentioned your husband hitting you there as it happened.

In that post you were looking for assistance in making a plan to exclude a woman you intensely disliked from your friendship group.

Did this have something to do with the sudden outbreak of domestic violence? Did your husband disagree with one of your plans?

There is no excuse for violence. I hope you called the police.

If you decide to leave. Know that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman. Do it when he isn't around and don't go back.

Is there any support group or innitiative from your community?

I find it really concerning that your male DC are in on the “you pushed him to it” lie. This doesn’t bode well for how their lives will proceed.

you need to call the police for that reason alone.

Hello op how are you this morning? You must report this to the police. Your dc need to learn their dad is a cunt who hit their mum and has done it before, it doesn’t matter if they “love” him he’s a woman beater. I wouldn’t love my dad - in fact I’d help my mum ring the police. Nobody should be hitting women. Men need to realise they can’t get away with stuff like this. At all. Ever. Are you out and at your mums?

You do need to leave. Please do it.

Please please ring the police! My friend was in a similar position to you and didn’t go the police until weeks later as her ex launched a campaign of stalking and harassment after he grabbed her round the throat and she left him.
He has managed to alienate one of her children against him, has sent a solicitors letter demanding full custody and spun a narrative that she “drove him to it” (how people even accept that as an excuse i’ll never know)

please report it to the police

Hope you're safe this morning and have reported to the police, your DCs priority to protect their father and minimise the violence is concerning.

Your DC don't want you to call the police??

If this happened to my mother, she would be calling the police, not because my dad assaulted her but because I'd kill the bastard with my bare hands.

Phone the police OP!!!

They will investigate. It’s your choice whether you do or don’t but I think the benefits are;

1. it shows him and DC that it’s never ok and there are consequences
2. it logs it in case of escalation
3. it adds to the statistics to help us as a society understand the degree of the issue
4. It honours your self worth and right to feel safe and free from physical harm.

Hope you are doing ok.

OP - when you say your “community” do you mean ethnic community? I understand some cultures take a different view to how to treat women.

If this is the case, it’s even more important your DC understand this isn’t acceptable, or it could be repeated in their relationships.

Call the police, tell them he hit you last night , you are frightened and that you have locked yourself in the spare room. They can come to the house and help you leave safely and or arrest him. I got a restraining order so that my husband couldn’t come near me or the house. There is no going back from this so take a deep breath and do the right thing.

It's worrying that they think their father was "pushed to it".

Violence is only acceptable when it's self-defence or in defence of another person who's being assaulted.

This. They don’t get a say and their victim blaming is making them part of the problem. It happened because your H is abusive. He needs to be reported. That’s all that matters. 🪷

I would call the police, you ideally need to stay in your home with the DC. They might be able to get him to leave.

They have specially trained units and very effectively persuaded exH that he needed to leave (no actual violence at that point but emotional abuse etc). Our kids were younger though so they used child protection as leverage.