Page 4 | Assets but no cash to pay for care - experiences and handhold

Throwaway380 · 2026-10-13T18:07:47+00:00

Can already think of a billion ways I could have made this easier with hindsight, so please be gentle. My Mum has got a very complex degenerative neurological disease. Has been cared for at home but my Dad can no longer cope and is in an absolute mess. We applied for CHC but were deemed ineligible even though every care home I’ve spoken to is astounded at this. We will appeal or reapply but that obviously takes time. My Mum had about 30k in savings but other than that her one asset is a buy-to-let house she and my Dad co own. Obviously selling this will take a while as need to give notice to current tenants etc. Was told by the social worker that we could get a Deferred Payment Application on the buy to let, but then told by the council’s finance team they would not do this. We had a specialist care home place lined up for Thursday but as we don’t now how the proof of financing it they have cancelled this, I’d already arranged for her current drop in carers to stop as of 10am Thursday so currently in a worse position than we were before. Am hoping her current care company can come back. We have told by multiple nursing homes she is too complex and they can’t meet her needs and her current care company specially train people so if we get a random other company they’re not going to be able to provide that same level of care immediately whatever. Feel like I’ve utterly messed up and we’re going to have to look at equity release. But equally we will need to sell and my Dad is not going to have that much to live on once the income from the letting goes, and don’t want to go into negative equity on that property and seems to not be advised to do it for short term (whilst we end the tenancy and market the house) in any case. Have seriously been told by two different people at the council to just call an ambulance or go to A&E if it’s ‘an emergency’. She does not need to be in hospital, and it would really distress her (she’s totally cogent although extremely physically limited). I honestly can’t believe they can leave people like this, literally nothing on the deferred payment form about it not being suitable for second properties, wasted hours filling it in. Restarting the search for a nursing home tomorrow but going to face same issues of how complex the needs are. And we’re going to be in a mess with the money in 10 weeks or so anyway, and that’s if we spend her last penny.

stayathomegardener · 14/10/2026 03:22

I do feel for you.

A couple of points, do look at a Care Annuity for your Mum with her half of the buy to let sale.

I can give you guidance on my Mum’s figures if that helps.

And don’t forget to account for a potentially hefty capital gains tax bill on the buy to let so start collecting receipts now in anticipation. I think it has to be paid pretty promptly too.

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 14/10/2026 10:14

Morning update - Mum’s home care has been reinstated from tomorrow although still waiting on the rest of the care rota - the care manager has to detangle everything so currently only tomorrow.

Have left messages with Care Rights and the ICB. The latter hilariously (!) said that they were not open and to ring back when the office was open 9-5. It was ten to ten.

Currently on the phone on hold to Age UK.

Then will head round to Mum and Dad and explain everything.

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Ilikewinter · 14/10/2026 10:44

Fingers crossed that someone somewhere helps you. I really dispaire for those who dont have any family members to help them navigate the whole shite show.

redhotsummer · 14/10/2026 16:25

could you use the £30k for a live in carer until the buy to let sells? The system is so traumatic and broken. I am sorry you are going through this. CHC assessment is not fit for purpose and designed to ‘deny’ medical needs exist. You have my utmost sympathies.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/10/2026 16:40

@redhotsummer In what era was there “a system”. You are talking of decades ago when people died earlier. The fact is you have illnesses now that require care in advance of what a standard care home provides. There’s far more people needing care. People with assets are expected to pay and this isn’t new. The biggest problem is finding a home. They will have 24 hour staffing. A live in person cannot do this. You need two people at least for 24 hour attention. So £30,000 is the proverbial peanuts.

PermanentTemporary · 14/10/2026 17:50

Just feeling for you as we faced something not a million miles away when the first NH my Mum went to gave notice on her placement within 48 hours because they couldn’t meet her needs, and the home we contacted thinking she could easily afford it once her flat was sold refused her because she didn’t have cash in the bank. I felt completely trapped. TBH FNC was something but not much compared to SE NH fees.

Mum ended up an hour away from us as nowhere in our county would take her, and it was bloody awful.

I also completely get your DF’s distress. Someone I knew had their partner at home with 6 double handed visits a day going in. They were very elderly and frail themselves and it was a terrible way for them to live. It only lasted a few weeks before their partner got an infection and ended up back in hospital.

The single thing that helped most was a relative doing an absolutely huge complaint to the CQC… things moved after that.

Lastknownaddress · 14/10/2026 20:55

Throwaway380 · 14/10/2026 10:14

Morning update - Mum’s home care has been reinstated from tomorrow although still waiting on the rest of the care rota - the care manager has to detangle everything so currently only tomorrow.

Have left messages with Care Rights and the ICB. The latter hilariously (!) said that they were not open and to ring back when the office was open 9-5. It was ten to ten.

Currently on the phone on hold to Age UK.

Then will head round to Mum and Dad and explain everything.

Bless you. This is so hard and awful.

Thinking of you.

redhotsummer · 15/10/2026 07:25

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/10/2026 16:40

@redhotsummer In what era was there “a system”. You are talking of decades ago when people died earlier. The fact is you have illnesses now that require care in advance of what a standard care home provides. There’s far more people needing care. People with assets are expected to pay and this isn’t new. The biggest problem is finding a home. They will have 24 hour staffing. A live in person cannot do this. You need two people at least for 24 hour attention. So £30,000 is the proverbial peanuts.

I’m well aware of that. I’ve been supporting a DM for 15 years with several horrific, progressive conditions and I am well aware through also caring for a DMIL with dementia, that we are keeping people alive, with no quality of life, for years on end. I’m currently POA for both and get invoiced for £11,000 a month in care fees. We are nearly at £500,000 in cares fees. And nearly at zero assets left. I know the shit non existent system very well. I mentioned the £30k as an emergency band aid whilst trying to sell the buy to let.

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 07:45

I’m so sorry so many people are going through, or have been through, similar awful experiences. Thank you for all the support on here honestly.

I’m off to see two more care homes today. I did get put through to a more senior social worker which was mixed. I think they very much did understand the situation and how awful it was, but at the same time clearly want me to go away so got a bit aggy with me when I said one local home wasn’t suitable for Mum, the home had also said they were unsuitable (did not ask my reasons or if I had any alternatives, just told me had to be ‘realistic about care available’). I know the awful journey place still has spaces and whilst I didn’t like it as much as the original one, it would definitely do.

They are going to help us review CHC funding, which is massively appreciated, from something they said I have a horrible feeling maybe some medical evidence didn’t make it to the board, which again if I hadn’t been faffing around with the council forms I could have investigated further.

What I cannot get over though is that the social worker still doesn’t have an answer as to what would happen if I don’t sort it out essentially. Will obviously look at every element of releasing the money, but we still have no answer about what would happen to Mum (in any scenario as they wouldn’t be able to pay for their current home care either) if the money is still tied up in the house. Can understand this is an unusual situation, but I can’t believe it is totally unprecedented.

Spoke to a very good SOLLA financial advisor who told me she has been phoned by elderly people in tears whilst the hospital has been trying to discharge, because money wasn’t in the right place.

Not sure Mum has taken it in that we may have to look at a different home from the original one. I’d very much sold her on it being an opportunity to solve loads of the issues we have around actual healthcare. We’re on waiting lists see if there are any communication aids that could help her, get her a proper wheelchair possibly with head support etc etc, and the specialist charity home were going to look at all that and had expertise in this sort of thing. Should have known it was two good to be true but I acted in good faith as did the charity.

Sadly I think this has probably shaken my faith irreparably in both the NHS and social care. Think there are amazing people working in both but Mum has just not had the support she should have done for her medical illness. She doesn’t want to go into a home, but that is much like I wouldn’t want to leave my home if I had her physical bodily conditions. She is still mentally able to engage and nobody cares about that, or nobody with decision making powers, is what it feels like.

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MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 11:31

@Throwaway380 You need to get your head around the lack of care by the nhs and social services. Anyone who is elderly gets poor services unless they pay. The NHs isn’t a caring organisation for the elderly. It’s crap.

That’s why older people must reviews their finances. Your mum has money but your parents didn’t make it available. There needs to be forward planning but who tells anyone this? They should never have all money tied up in property that’s their sole income for old age. Did no one realise this? They got no tax relief when buying the property. They would have if they had saved into a pension. Choices do come back to bite you and I’m surprised any financial advice just said buy a rental property but don’t save for a pension. If this thread tells us anything, it’s plan your finances for your possible needs. Otherwise someone else pays or you take a loan. Neither of which make sense.

SirenScream · 15/10/2026 11:34

I know of a case like this and from what I remember the local council put a charge on the main home.

Feelinglost54 · 15/10/2026 14:28

I really feel for you OP being on the receiving end of this shit show. Until recently (as I was made redundant) I worked for an ICB finance department responsible for CHC amongst other things. I can assure you that there are many wonderful people in ICB’s trying desperately to make a broken system work better for families in your situation. However this area of government spending is a political hot potato which is regularly discussed but fixing the system is expensive. The problem lies with politicians who make the judgement that the cost to the tax payer of fixing it loses more votes than are won by making lives easier for people in your situation. Many politicians have promised the earth but then back tracked as soon they see how much it would cost. Andy Burnham may or may not be another one but having recently negotiated the system himself I have my fingers crossed. I recommend that you and anyone else in this situation talks as much as possible to anyone who will listen about just how bad it is as in my experience most people don’t think about it till it affect them or someone close to them.

you have good advice on this thread OP and unfortunately there is nothing else I can add.

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 14:50

I'm afraid I can't help on this issue, but my mum is currently losing all her savings and money from her house on care home fees - £1,600 per week (not nursing care) - and we've realised that had my dad left his half of everything to his children, my mum wouldn't have had to lose all that money in a care home. I know some will be annoyed with what I've said but honestly I don't care - there are about six people in the care home paying her level of fees and they keep getting put up all the time (for those few) because the others' fees are paid via the council who refuse to put them up. Her fees have almost doubled in three years.

TiredofMotorways · 15/10/2026 16:26

Christ. Really all I can say. And solidarity to one and all.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 16:44

@Feelinglost54 There was a report about 10 years ago (The Auger report?) that suggested an insurance scheme. It’s probably the only way. Taxation won’t touch the sides of this and many will see the current generation of older folk as baby boomers and having had the best of times when compared to younger tax payers. There isn’t much appetite to paying even more tax so the better off don’t pay. Burnham rowed back - he hasn’t promised full fees. Certainly not the “hotel” element. It’s possibly best to have no money at all!

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:03

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 11:31

@Throwaway380 You need to get your head around the lack of care by the nhs and social services. Anyone who is elderly gets poor services unless they pay. The NHs isn’t a caring organisation for the elderly. It’s crap.

That’s why older people must reviews their finances. Your mum has money but your parents didn’t make it available. There needs to be forward planning but who tells anyone this? They should never have all money tied up in property that’s their sole income for old age. Did no one realise this? They got no tax relief when buying the property. They would have if they had saved into a pension. Choices do come back to bite you and I’m surprised any financial advice just said buy a rental property but don’t save for a pension. If this thread tells us anything, it’s plan your finances for your possible needs. Otherwise someone else pays or you take a loan. Neither of which make sense.

My parents choices are not my fault.

Also, unless you have personal experience of caring for someone with a degenerative disease, especially through Covid when everything shut down, I think it is hard to know the challenges. Obviously as I said when I asked people to be gentle, I know they should have sold the buy to let. Mum got diagnosed about three months after she retired, so for her she was way off being ‘old’ and making these sorts of plans. I asked them at the time to think about this but it was such a scary diagnosis they wouldn’t, and again I personally feel that is frustrating but understandable. Please remember I’m a real person and have a bit of compassion.

Also I have seen several care homes where Mum would be reasonably well cared for if paid for by the council, so actually she would have been better off giving the 100k or whatever is her share of the buy to let to the cats home 7 years ago.

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Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:06

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 14:50

I'm afraid I can't help on this issue, but my mum is currently losing all her savings and money from her house on care home fees - £1,600 per week (not nursing care) - and we've realised that had my dad left his half of everything to his children, my mum wouldn't have had to lose all that money in a care home. I know some will be annoyed with what I've said but honestly I don't care - there are about six people in the care home paying her level of fees and they keep getting put up all the time (for those few) because the others' fees are paid via the council who refuse to put them up. Her fees have almost doubled in three years.

I was absolutely horrified that is what happens when one of the care homes told me what their costs are vs what the council pay them for nursing care. Also so many are private companies and presumably people are profiting off this terrible system.

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Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:15

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 16:44

@Feelinglost54 There was a report about 10 years ago (The Auger report?) that suggested an insurance scheme. It’s probably the only way. Taxation won’t touch the sides of this and many will see the current generation of older folk as baby boomers and having had the best of times when compared to younger tax payers. There isn’t much appetite to paying even more tax so the better off don’t pay. Burnham rowed back - he hasn’t promised full fees. Certainly not the “hotel” element. It’s possibly best to have no money at all!

Thoroughly agree. I am quite lefty generally but I think Theresa May’s plan would have made some of this better as well. There is no way we can afford the type of care that is now needed as a society. I would like to see it taken into public ownership though so any privately paying people’s money is reinvested into the system.

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Original poster

Throwaway380 · 16/10/2026 15:37

A general update.

Everytime I deal with someone at the council I want to scream. As basically I’ve kicked up such a fuss I’m getting phoned all the time and actually there is no practical help they can provide.

The issue I’m having now is every nursing home whose managers etc I trust, is saying they need to employ more staff which is obviously pricier and more complicated. The council are trying to push me towards one where an admin is blithely saying they can absolutely deal with Mum. How every other placement feels differently but this one doesn’t rings immediate alarm bells for me. And no medical people have been involved whilst they’re making this claim.

Mum still will need an in person assessment wherever, but that is long winded and emotional for her and Dad so I want to keep them to a minimum. The social worker is supposed to liaising but doesn’t seem to be doing much. She is still the one that gave me the wrong information in the first place and now thinking maybe should have requested a different one.

Then just need to focus on finance next week, I’ve spoken to a financial advisor and need to get a concrete plan in place.

Mum and Dad are not coping well, I don’t know if we still might end up in A&E out of sheer desperation.

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Lastknownaddress · 16/10/2026 20:43

Oh @Throwaway380 am so sorry. Are there any nursing homes which would be happy to accommodate and manage the assessments from there?

In Mum's case, she went into hospital and was put on a discharge 2 assess pathway, which was up to 6 weeks in nursing care, at which point she was deemed too high needs to return home. I haven't had to do this, from a home setting but it seems ridiculous you can't access an assessment without a hospital admission!!!

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 16/10/2026 21:17

@Throwaway380 You are going to have to get your head around them being for profit organisations. It’s not a crime to provide services.

My council gave up running homes decades ago. Their homes became part of a trust. The other, vast number, of homes would not exist if it was not for the private sector. So decide what you want. Nowhere near enough homes or a sector that embraces private homes because they are vital. Plus its utter pie in the sky to think they will be privatized! That would be a clear signal for other private companies to back out from assisting the state. If you want no services, that’s the way to go! And who then pays? I’d get your head around the politics and be grateful firms are actually providing services you cannot.

The self-funding pay for those who rely on council funding. They pay over the odds. If you have no money, the council pays under the odds and the better off subsidise these places. So it’s win for some who haven’t saved, and lose for those who have.

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 16/10/2026 23:08

I am amazed there is not some kind of emergency pathway we could access if we had a gap before. I’m not even trying to get out of paying for the care, everyone will get their money eventually. It’s the lack of immediate help that feels so awful.

I talked to the more senior social care person today I don’t think they did any of the proper assessments they should have done a month and half ago when we first started talking to social services, and when I flagged with the social worker I was seriously concerned about Dad’s welfare . And now the council assessments are a bit moot as we’re basically on a ticking clock.

I have felt that basically because we’re self funding they’re like ‘you sort it out’ and clearly that has gone terribly as they gave me completely the wrong financial advice (admitted by them).

I’m going to bypass the council as the homes all want to assess Mum individually anyway, and the main thing I don’t want is for somewhere to say they’ll take her without a clear understanding of her needs, as she’ll just end up in hospital, and in hospital I have no idea how you’d access the extra help she would need to feed herself say, or if they’d leave the family to do it. It’s all around nutrition, that is the big sticking point for everyone, as Mum is incredibly slow, at risk of choking and also cannot be hurried as due to the nature of her disease she just sort of shuts down when that happens. She’s not safe portioning food herself, it’s like she gets stuck and forces too much food in, then chokes, and as she’s blind and quite immobile has to be spoon fed. Not many nursing homes have a member of staff just at a loose end ready to support that, and a few have said they’d have to up ratios which we’d then be paying for.

Mum is just really distressed by everything at this point, it’s awful, she’s already visibly shrunk from getting worked up about moving and then it not happening, it’s a very big deal for her. So I really don’t want to put her through loads of assessments that I can’t see would achieve anything. We’ll just do the ones from any individual homes.

I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy as we’re stuck in a weird bubble of needing to do quite complicated financial arrangements to secure Mum’s future, actually finding a home, and arguing with the CHC people. Depending on the quotes for care we get (no one has got to that point yet) we’ll have a clearer idea of how long before her money runs out.

I am so incredibly angry still we lost 2-3 weeks over just sheer bad communication from the local authority. I’m literally now calling back homes I spoke to last month and meanwhile Dad’s just getting more and more run down. I’m going to stay overnight on Sunday hopefully to give him a break. The placement we had would still be far the best thing for Mum’s health and wellbeing so I did act for the best there, it just blew up in my face.

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MeetMeOnTheCorner · 16/10/2026 23:25

@Throwaway380 That’s exactly what it is. Every step of the way. My dm was living at home until she was 99 and SS never did one assessment to look at her needs. Not one. They are meant to and even when she came out of hospital they didn’t even get in touch. Nothing. We eventually found a care company after 20 failed attempts. Twice a week for 1 hour was all they could manage. No one has any staff. Then if you pay for a home, the hospital subcontractor suggested places with spaces. Otherwise it’s a limited number of state spaces at homes you might not like and your DM has very specific needs, so it’s even more of a challenge.

The unpalatable truth is your parents have money but didn’t plan for their care. The money isn’t available. They can take out a loan but that’s unpalatable too. They could have given the rental property to you (years ago) and you could now raise a mortgage on it. But that’s not now possible. They could have liquidised the asset themselves and invested the proceeds, but they didn’t. It’s not entirely unreasonable that the state now doesn’t give them a loan or mortgage. Why did they not plan for such fees?

Lastknownaddress · 17/10/2026 08:32

@Throwaway380 if your Mum has additional requirements around feeding etc then this might not be quite a bleak as it feels. (Although awful for you all, the care bit might be better than it feels right now)

The nursing home Mum is in, runs their own assessments and supports families to get CHC funding. They have weekly GP and nursing team reviews for all their residents, and are very good at working out which individuals meet the threshold. Having the assessment via them, was much better than battling on our own, in a standard care home. One of the criteria is around ability to swallow, manage medication etc. So when you do choose a nursing home, ask them what their wider care and support is beyond the staff in the building. A standard care home will largely rely on care staff, and may not be able manage your Mum's needs. But levels of nursing care varies significantly.

Have you thought about respite care in the short term? A good home will provide this and work with you to get the assessments sorted while your Mum is in there. It is worth asking. They will know the system and can navigate it on your behalf.

dmboots · 17/10/2026 09:05

I work for adult social services and I’d put money on you being in my area based on what you say. I can even picture which CHC assessor you’d be talking about!

The problem for the social workers is that they make rules up as they go e.g. can’t have a DPA on second property… Also we don’t know what will happen because we are beholden to senior managers who seem to have forgotten their social work training where the person should be at the centre.

I’d keep pushing for CHC. The FNC comes off the back of the CHC assessment and goes directly to the nursing home - and it has to be NURSING not residential to get that. The home will sort that part out when she’s there.