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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Has anyone chosen to be the non-resident parent after separation?

178 replies

bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:09

Has anyone given the kids to the dad and decided to be the NRP? I would do this if it was an option but he wouldn’t have them so sadly it isn’t. I know it’s controversial but I would happily be the NRP. Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
StraightTalkingTina · 05/08/2026 15:11

all children have a resident parent after separation. This address is used for their schools, drs, etc etc

Not sure what you mean exactly. Do you want him to have full custody? Or 50/50 where he is the resident parent?

why wouldn’t he do it? Why do you not want it?

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:13

non resident parent

OP posts:
ScottBakula · 05/08/2026 15:22

Poor sodding kids , neither parent wants them.

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:24

Thanks but I’m not talking about putting children into care that’s very different,

OP posts:
Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:25

ScottBakula · 05/08/2026 15:22

Poor sodding kids , neither parent wants them.

No I will struggle on by as I would never put my kids into care but being the NRP sounds ideal.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 05/08/2026 15:25

You want to be the “every other weekend and one night in the week” parent? It’s brave to admit it, many men much prefer this to 50/50, some even find this more effort than they did before when they lived full time with their dcs. I’m not sure why a mum should get so much hate for wanting what’s so normal for dads.

I couldn’t do it myself, but I won’t judge you for accepting youd be better off with the one who doesn’t have to do the hard slog.

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:30

Yes that sounds ideal, yes I’d happily be that and as you said men do that and no one bats an eyelid

OP posts:
hahabahbag · 05/08/2026 15:31

It’s more common with teens because they can and should be given more choice. My friends son wanted to live with his dad, who was a perfectly good dad I should add, still saw his mum my friend as much as he wanted, no set schedule, and it worked for them - but it wasn’t a bitter divorce either which does change the dynamics, they simply didn’t want to stay together

Bakeittillyoumakeit · 05/08/2026 15:42

bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:25

No I will struggle on by as I would never put my kids into care but being the NRP sounds ideal.

Show quote history

Poor kids, neither parent can be bothered with them for more than a couple days a week.

Whose thinking about what's 'ideal' for the kids? Absolutely fucking no one.

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:44

Bakeittillyoumakeit · 05/08/2026 15:42

Poor kids, neither parent can be bothered with them for more than a couple days a week.

Whose thinking about what's 'ideal' for the kids? Absolutely fucking no one.

Show quote history

strange comment, would you say that about parents who have 50/50 and only see them a couple of days a week?

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 05/08/2026 15:53

I think that some of your replies have been harsh.

There must be mums who travel for work or work nights and have no family childcare making dad the better choice for resident parent. There must also be cases where dad is the better resident parent or mum can’t afford to live locally and doesn’t want the children uprooted from their current schools etc There’s also the cases where a court has determined that dad should look after the kids and mum have a little contact.

I think that a lot of single resident parents have imagined what their life would be like a the NRP. No rushing to pick up the kids, not having to think or pay for childcare, not being woken up at night most nights… I don’t think that makes people a bad parent.

frostinmayx · 05/08/2026 15:58

Think about the children, they didn’t ask to be born. They need one parent to be there for them. When you have children, they should automatically come first.

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:01

frostinmayx · 05/08/2026 15:58

Think about the children, they didn’t ask to be born. They need one parent to be there for them. When you have children, they should automatically come first.

🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:01

Snorlaxo · 05/08/2026 15:53

I think that some of your replies have been harsh.

There must be mums who travel for work or work nights and have no family childcare making dad the better choice for resident parent. There must also be cases where dad is the better resident parent or mum can’t afford to live locally and doesn’t want the children uprooted from their current schools etc There’s also the cases where a court has determined that dad should look after the kids and mum have a little contact.

I think that a lot of single resident parents have imagined what their life would be like a the NRP. No rushing to pick up the kids, not having to think or pay for childcare, not being woken up at night most nights… I don’t think that makes people a bad parent.

Thanks for actually getting it

OP posts:
StraightTalkingTina · 05/08/2026 16:22

bubbyen · 05/08/2026 15:13

non resident parent

You can be the non resident parent and still have the kids 50% of the time.

but from your later posts that’s not what you’re saying. You want less than 50%.

if your ex won’t agree to it amicably, then you’d need to go to court to argue your case in the interests of the children.

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:23

StraightTalkingTina · 05/08/2026 16:22

You can be the non resident parent and still have the kids 50% of the time.

but from your later posts that’s not what you’re saying. You want less than 50%.

if your ex won’t agree to it amicably, then you’d need to go to court to argue your case in the interests of the children.

Show quote history

I would call anyone on 50:50 the NRP but that’s just my opinion.

he wouldn’t have them so there would be nothing to argue

OP posts:
frostinmayx · 05/08/2026 16:25

@bubbyen How many children (and ages) do you have?

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:49

I’d rather not say and not sure what it really changes?

OP posts:
Quokkafeet · 05/08/2026 16:51

What do you want in an ideal world and what does he want?

WhatNoRaisins · 05/08/2026 16:52

I think if it's what's best for the children then no one should judge a parent for doing this. For example the 50:50 split doesn't suit all kids.

dreamingofgoodhair · 05/08/2026 16:53

I’d have happily done this. I found parenting hard. Dads do it all the time. Why not mothers ?

Original poster
bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:56

dreamingofgoodhair · 05/08/2026 16:53

I’d have happily done this. I found parenting hard. Dads do it all the time. Why not mothers ?

Exactly. I don’t understand why mothers are expected to want to parent alone 24/7 but it’s ok for dad to put in every other weekend (or whatever since he doesn’t even do that)

OP posts:
frostinmayx · 05/08/2026 16:58

dreamingofgoodhair · 05/08/2026 16:53

I’d have happily done this. I found parenting hard. Dads do it all the time. Why not mothers ?

Mothers are biological more attached to their children than fathers.

Indianajet · 05/08/2026 17:00

The ages of your children are relevant - people would have different opinions if they are very young compared to teenagers.

frostinmayx · 05/08/2026 17:02

bubbyen · 05/08/2026 16:56

Exactly. I don’t understand why mothers are expected to want to parent alone 24/7 but it’s ok for dad to put in every other weekend (or whatever since he doesn’t even do that)

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What do you think is best for your children?

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