How do other lone parents have a life outside of being a mother?

I think maybe it could be time for you to look beyond your children, and consider babysitters or perhaps they are starting to be old enough to be left for a bit? What ages are they? They need a mum who’s a person in her own right not just a caretaker for them. If you are a happy and fulfilled person, this benefits them too.

I am a solo parent too. I’m getting back into dating very very tentatively and carefully. I would suggest having a look on dating apps, you can be clear about what you want: that you don’t want a traditional relationship, that you want to friends with benefits situation. It’s relatively easy to find these days.

I CANNOT imagine phoning someone from 15-20 years ago asking if they want to hook up????
what a bizarre idea??????

I've been single 8 years. No dates, no sex, absolutely nothing.

My dc range from 12 to 24. So couldn't have someone in the house after the dc go to bed (find that a bit weird).
Im at work when the dc are or were at school.

I've just not bothered as its too much effort and realistically its just about sex not an actual relationship.

Do your kids not spend time with their dad or grandparents? I used to go out when mine were with their dad, but with my youngest it was pretty much as you say basically no life but kids and work, additionally I decided that the men available weren't worth the effort 😉

I mean all circumstances are different
if it’s someone you still see in social circles or at a hobby club or something potentially but even so it’s screaming desperate to me too!

There must be some way of finding a trusted babysitter? Who do your other mum friends or kids school friends use?
Do you want to use apps or meet in real life situations? You’ll easily find hook ups on apps but it depends if you want to go out for a few drinks first? In which case evenings are best. What about family on your side, will they babysit?

I’ve had my daughter full time since she was 7/8 and she’s now almost 18. I wouldn’t have any problem bringing someone back when she was at school. I met someone about 4 years ago and we met up whilst she was at school. She ended up meeting him as she was due to be on a rowing camp and he was on his way over and she very last minute said an injury was playing up! I told her she could stay at home but I had arranged to go out:

we’ve been together 4 years now and he’s never stayed over when she’s been here. We’ve only stayed together when she’s been on school residential trips but she’s now getting old enough to be left overnight. I wouldn’t change it and now she’s almost an adult, it’ll all change when she starts to become more independent:

Could you go on a dating app and meet someone for lunchtime dates then go from there?

I'm a solo parent too. I think it's really important to have a life of one's own. I want my child to feel able to spread her wings when the time comes, knowing she's got a mum who has her own life and interests. I've seen the other scenario - kids feeling they have to stay close to prevent mum being lonely - and I don't want that for mine. I also didn't want to be single for a decade plus. It's important to me to have a romantic/sex life, I didn't want to repress that for years on end.

I do work nearly full time but have a day a week when I don't work. I do sometimes date in that time, there are plenty of men who work shifts or who are self employed who have daytime availability. I'm open to casual or more serious relationships (though wouldn't live with someone again) and have found men interested in both, so whatever you want is possible. Like pp I am willing to have them back to mine once I'm comfortable with them, initially in school time but if things are more serious after my child is asleep in the evenings (but not overnight or upstairs, so they don't meet).I wouldn't dream of contacting an old flame, it never crossed my mind.

I do use babysitters occasionally too. I didn't for the first years for the same reason as you, and made do with very occasional help from friends, but ultimately it's pretty hard to build a life when you literally never leave the house in the evenings. I found someone on Bubble and built it up gradually, so initially I'd be at home with them. It's actually been fine and my child has preferred the professional babysitter to the ad hoc help I had before.

It's such a hard road as a solo parent isn't it!

I guess try the dating apps. Do you have family or a friend?

Well if you won’t use sitters then realistically you’ve made your choice.

I used sitters and that’s how I had a life. When the kids were little I used an agency and when they were older I used local students.

This is probably more common than you think, mums need a life of their own too and if school hours are the only time you get to yourself then need to make the most of it. Just be up front with a man about what you want from the start and you can make it work

Yes me, as I said before. I could do it because I paid for babysitting. That’s it. If I hadn’t I couldn’t have. I don’t have family help and my kids don’t have another parent. It really is that simple

Unless you do have family or friends that can help, then a babysitter would be your only option. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy yourself though, plenty of men would be able to fit right into that schedule and would jump at the chance to pop round during the week

I simply haven't bothered to meet anyone after 15yrs. Work, home, kids and the gym are enough for me. It's just too full on to add another complication.