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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How do other lone parents have a life outside of being a mother?

72 replies

berryblueblueberry · 02/08/2026 19:13

I’m genuinely curious how other mums in the same situation manage it.

I’ve been single for 10 years, no dating at all and haven’t really had a life outside of being a mum. I’d like to start getting back out there a little, but I’m also realistic enough to know that properly dating someone isn’t really practical for me. I have my children full time, no regular childcare and I’m not going to leave them with babysitters.

I do have school hours available, though, so I’ve been wondering how other full time mums manage having some adult companionship without having the usual child free evenings and weekends?

I’ve actually spoken to a few other single mums about this and quite a few of them have said they’ve gone back to people they had something casual before kids. They said that it’s easier and feels safer than starting from scratch with a complete stranger, because you’ve at least known that person before and can have them over when the kids are in bed.

I can understand the logic, but I also find it really strange. Some of the people being suggested to me are men I haven’t spoken to for 15 years! 😂 Surely if you haven’t spoken to someone for that long, you don’t really know them anymore? It feels a bit sad to me to suddenly message someone from 15 years ago just because your circumstances make meeting new people difficult. I even said to them I haven’t spoken to them in 15 years and they were still telling me
I should contact them (I won’t!) very different if it was a couple of years ago but 15 is just crazy and would look quite sad so I definitely won’t be doing that.

But apparently this is actually something quite a few women do, so maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way?

For those of you who have your children full time, what do you actually do?

And what is your views on having someone you’re seeing come to your house during school hours when the children are not there? Is that something you’d consider completely fine, given that they wouldn’t be around the children at all?

I’m not looking for a traditional relationship or anything serious, I’m realistic about my circumstances. I’m more wondering how other full time single mums manage to have some adult life and companionship when they have virtually no child free time.

OP posts:
Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:31

I won’t be using sitters it’s too much money and men aren’t worth it. Thats why im looking at school hours only and sitters, I’d rather spend my money on other things

OP posts:
Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:32

Woodsock · 03/08/2026 14:30

I simply haven't bothered to meet anyone after 15yrs. Work, home, kids and the gym are enough for me. It's just too full on to add another complication.

Im only mid 30s so I’d hate to think this is it for me now I still feel too young to not have any love life

OP posts:
OneDenimEagle · 03/08/2026 14:36

berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:31

I won’t be using sitters it’s too much money and men aren’t worth it. Thats why im looking at school hours only and sitters, I’d rather spend my money on other things

During school hours still gives you quite a bit of time to fit a man in for a bit of fun each week. I don’t think you should waste money on it either, not when you can do it for free during the daytime. Get yourself on some dating apps and just let them know what you’re after from the get go

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:38

Thanks! Yeah I know people keep pushing sitters but I am not wasting my money that I could spend on better things

OP posts:
ThisHazelPeer · 03/08/2026 14:40

berryblueblueberry · 02/08/2026 19:13

I’m genuinely curious how other mums in the same situation manage it.

I’ve been single for 10 years, no dating at all and haven’t really had a life outside of being a mum. I’d like to start getting back out there a little, but I’m also realistic enough to know that properly dating someone isn’t really practical for me. I have my children full time, no regular childcare and I’m not going to leave them with babysitters.

I do have school hours available, though, so I’ve been wondering how other full time mums manage having some adult companionship without having the usual child free evenings and weekends?

I’ve actually spoken to a few other single mums about this and quite a few of them have said they’ve gone back to people they had something casual before kids. They said that it’s easier and feels safer than starting from scratch with a complete stranger, because you’ve at least known that person before and can have them over when the kids are in bed.

I can understand the logic, but I also find it really strange. Some of the people being suggested to me are men I haven’t spoken to for 15 years! 😂 Surely if you haven’t spoken to someone for that long, you don’t really know them anymore? It feels a bit sad to me to suddenly message someone from 15 years ago just because your circumstances make meeting new people difficult. I even said to them I haven’t spoken to them in 15 years and they were still telling me
I should contact them (I won’t!) very different if it was a couple of years ago but 15 is just crazy and would look quite sad so I definitely won’t be doing that.

But apparently this is actually something quite a few women do, so maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way?

For those of you who have your children full time, what do you actually do?

And what is your views on having someone you’re seeing come to your house during school hours when the children are not there? Is that something you’d consider completely fine, given that they wouldn’t be around the children at all?

I’m not looking for a traditional relationship or anything serious, I’m realistic about my circumstances. I’m more wondering how other full time single mums manage to have some adult life and companionship when they have virtually no child free time.

Stay a single mum. No bloke, no matter how nice he is, is going to be interested or accommodating to your childrens needs.
Get adult company from other mums. Any man just adds complications to your life and it will be your children who suffer.
You can have a lovely life without a bloke in it.
Most of them are just adult children anyway.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:46

ThisHazelPeer · 03/08/2026 14:40

Stay a single mum. No bloke, no matter how nice he is, is going to be interested or accommodating to your childrens needs.
Get adult company from other mums. Any man just adds complications to your life and it will be your children who suffer.
You can have a lovely life without a bloke in it.
Most of them are just adult children anyway.

Show quote history

And if you miss sex? lol this is a nice theory but im NOT looking for a bf just someone to meet my needs being a mum doesnt mean you become a nun

OP posts:
ComemosZanahorias · 03/08/2026 14:51

I became a solo parent 5 years ago. My DS had a couple of sleepovers at his friends’ when he was younger so I could see my friends of an evening but never a date in all that time. Before then, I had two nights a week and about three weeks in the holidays that he was at his dad’s so I was in a living apart relationship with another single dad for a few years but we never met each other’s kids. It’s harder now that he is an older teen as he can’t be shipped off to kindly friend for an evening - and he always wants to come home after he’s been out with his mates, they don’t do sleepovers!

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:56

ComemosZanahorias · 03/08/2026 14:51

I became a solo parent 5 years ago. My DS had a couple of sleepovers at his friends’ when he was younger so I could see my friends of an evening but never a date in all that time. Before then, I had two nights a week and about three weeks in the holidays that he was at his dad’s so I was in a living apart relationship with another single dad for a few years but we never met each other’s kids. It’s harder now that he is an older teen as he can’t be shipped off to kindly friend for an evening - and he always wants to come home after he’s been out with his mates, they don’t do sleepovers!

Oh everyone says it’s easier when they are older?

OP posts:
hebelievesinabeauty · 03/08/2026 15:00

I don’t think a school hours boyfriend is a thing.

How old are your kids? If you’ve been single 10 years surely at least one must be approaching secondary school age?

hebelievesinabeauty · 03/08/2026 15:02

Although reading through you don’t want a boyfriend you want a booty call. I can see why your friends are suggesting approaching someone from your past rather than trying to find a stranger for school hours sex tbh.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 15:03

hebelievesinabeauty · 03/08/2026 15:02

Although reading through you don’t want a boyfriend you want a booty call. I can see why your friends are suggesting approaching someone from your past rather than trying to find a stranger for school hours sex tbh.

Yeah that would make sense if it wasn’t 15 years ago 🤣 since when isnt someone a stranger if you haven’t seen them in 15 years, im not even the same person i was 15 years ago lol

OP posts:
Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 15:04

hebelievesinabeauty · 03/08/2026 15:00

I don’t think a school hours boyfriend is a thing.

How old are your kids? If you’ve been single 10 years surely at least one must be approaching secondary school age?

As they are still not old enough for me to leave them alone to go out for a shag 🫣

OP posts:
flippinnorastights · 03/08/2026 15:09

To be honest I’d be pretty wary of most blokes who are around during the day for a shag. Surely the majority will be working and those on shifts sleeping. The ones around are less likely to be great catches

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 15:10

flippinnorastights · 03/08/2026 15:09

To be honest I’d be pretty wary of most blokes who are around during the day for a shag. Surely the majority will be working and those on shifts sleeping. The ones around are less likely to be great catches

Doesnt need to be a great catch it’s not a bf im wanting surely people have fwb because those people aren’t people they would have a relationship with?

OP posts:
ComemosZanahorias · 03/08/2026 16:23

berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 14:56

Oh everyone says it’s easier when they are older?

Show quote history

It was fine when I had regular time to myself when his dad was having contact and manageable for an occasional “mums’ night out” up to about age 12/13, but there is no way I would bring anyone home or leave him alone all night - even part of a night - now. I could go out until say midnight I guess if I wanted to but often DS is out himself and needs picking up from friends’ houses. He would also want to know where I am and what I am doing, which is fair enough. Not worth the effort, IMO.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 17:09

Ah I see I guess every age has its own challenges

OP posts:
LondonKara · 03/08/2026 17:15

flippinnorastights · 03/08/2026 15:09

To be honest I’d be pretty wary of most blokes who are around during the day for a shag. Surely the majority will be working and those on shifts sleeping. The ones around are less likely to be great catches

I haven't found this. It's not just shift workers (and that includes almost everyone working in hospitality, many in healthcare for example), it's also self employed men, of which there are plenty from all walks of life.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 03/08/2026 23:42

LondonKara · 03/08/2026 17:15

I haven't found this. It's not just shift workers (and that includes almost everyone working in hospitality, many in healthcare for example), it's also self employed men, of which there are plenty from all walks of life.

Show quote history

Thanks, there must be plenty of men around in the day for various reasons! I see lots of men out during the day.

OP posts:
LarkspurBlues · 04/08/2026 03:44

I’m a lone parent with no family. I have a good friend’s teenage daughter babysitting and it’s great (though my kids are now tweens). First I had a gentleman friend who would come over in the day secretly and it was ok: he was someone I knew already but not an old flame. But now I have a real
boyfriend who the kids know, don’t leave him on his own with them though and it takes
a long time to trust… we won’t live together or anything.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 04/08/2026 12:06

Thanks, I don’t know anyone with a teenager to babysit, I don’t like the thought of finding someone online I know people do and im not judging but it’s not for me. Hopefully I can find someone available during the day

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 04/08/2026 12:22

Why no babysitters? If you’ve been on your own for ten years your children are at least that old? My DH died suddenly when my kids were 4 and 6 and I definitely had a social life! And why not a serious relationship?
Its hard to meet people - I have met plenty of men but they either work for me or are partnered up already. But I think you have been/are putting artificial barriers. It’s not that complicated.

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 04/08/2026 12:32

mondaytosunday · 04/08/2026 12:22

Why no babysitters? If you’ve been on your own for ten years your children are at least that old? My DH died suddenly when my kids were 4 and 6 and I definitely had a social life! And why not a serious relationship?
Its hard to meet people - I have met plenty of men but they either work for me or are partnered up already. But I think you have been/are putting artificial barriers. It’s not that complicated.

I did already explain why I won’t use sitters. It’s a
lot of money and men aren’t with it. Im not paying £££ to go on dates

OP posts:
motherhoodisntfortheweak · 04/08/2026 12:56

Everyone is different but I think you might need to start using professional sitters eg bubble once in a while. It’s risky to bring strange men in your home go out on dates that’s my advice as for me I will have to meet someone by accident because am just not interested in dating my kids also spend time at their dads I work , relax , swim .

hahabahbag · 04/08/2026 12:56

Do you work, that will give you a different part to your life and you could even meet someone, not necessarily love but friendship at least

Original poster
berryblueblueberry · 04/08/2026 13:02

hahabahbag · 04/08/2026 12:56

Do you work, that will give you a different part to your life and you could even meet someone, not necessarily love but friendship at least

Term time only and I wouldn’t meet anyone that way

OP posts: