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Original poster

Is this amount of disappointment normal?

63 replies

teasconesandlavender · 06/09/2026 09:43

Hi,

I’m on my third cycle TTC first time. Tracking with OPKs for the last two cycles. I’m 31.

I’m 12DPO today. Tested yesterday morning with FRER, BFN. Tested again this morning with Boots early detection, BFN. No period yet, but this is pretty definitive.

However, last night, I broke down. I was so upset and devastated, and really started to believe this will never happen for me. I just can’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet. My cycles are regular. I’ve never been on hormonal contraception.

I know that it can take up to a year for it to happen. I just didn’t believe this would really be the case. So many women say they got pregnant in the first or second cycle. I just assumed that if it took longer than say, 6 months, it was either poor luck or an obvious reason. I listened to a podcast led by a fertility specialist who said that couples who aren’t pregnant after 6 months are less likely to become pregnant in 12 months. Something about fecundability(?). I think hearing that statistic really got to me.

I just feel ashamed of myself. If that makes sense? Like, ashamed that my body isn’t doing the one job it’s supposed to do. I have always imagined become a mum was just a given, and I don’t have any identity outside of this.

This is just a ramble, and probably out of touch, I know. I have no women whom I can talk to about this IRL. Just looking for solidarity, I think.

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 04/10/2026 09:34

@teasconesandlavender good luck this time. My daughter started trying last December. She was 32 then. Got pregnant with twins in February but miscarried in march and it took 2 months for her period to return. She's still not pregnant again. It's awful for her especially as 7 of her very close friends are pregnant at the moment. She went to a clinic recently and had a host of infertility tests privately. She was fine but her husband's sperm are not quite right properly due to the fact he was recently admitted with sepsis!! She's trying to relax but it's very hard. Her husband had been doing shift work and that too interfered with their attempts. I have too much information but I'm a doctor so she confuses a lot.

She's 34 early next year.
Fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
teasconesandlavender · 10/10/2026 08:25

I’m back with a tentative update…

I am 10dpo. Possibly 11dpo (I only used OPKs, no temp tracking). I used a Premom test strip last night that had the FAINTEST of lines. Here is my boots early test, taken at 4am (I couldn’t sleep!).

I showed my bleary eyed husband when he got up for work. He agrees there is a line but wants to see a darker line before getting his hopes up. I feel the same, truthfully. I won’t be convinced until I miss my period! 😅

Anyway, I’ve attached a pic of my Boots test - any opinions welcome. I feel so tentative at this stage, I know it’s so early!

Is this amount of disappointment normal?
OP posts:
laesosalt · 10/10/2026 16:45

I can see it @teasconesandlavender 🥰

laesosalt · 11/10/2026 16:09

Have you done another test since @teasconesandlavender?

HappyBlueDonkey · 11/10/2026 17:13

Was coming to say I feel the same as you but I’m TTC no.2 for coming up 7 months after getting pregnant first cycle with my first but I can see you’re already pregnant.

congrats!

Original poster
teasconesandlavender · 11/10/2026 17:47

laesosalt · 11/10/2026 16:09

Have you done another test since @teasconesandlavender?

Hi, yes I did. I did a FRER yesterday evening, which had a darker line. I did another FRER this morning which had a very faint line, which has worried me. I did a cheapie strip test (Premom) which had a good line, around 12pm today. Trying to take reassurance from that, because I did a cheapie yesterday morning, at the same time as the Boots one, and that one was a proper squinter!

I’ve attached my FRER from yesterday evening and the strip test from this afternoon.

Should I be concerned about the faint line early this morning?

I’m trying to step away from the tests, now. 😅

Is this amount of disappointment normal?
Is this amount of disappointment normal?
OP posts:
Original poster
teasconesandlavender · 11/10/2026 17:50

HappyBlueDonkey · 11/10/2026 17:13

Was coming to say I feel the same as you but I’m TTC no.2 for coming up 7 months after getting pregnant first cycle with my first but I can see you’re already pregnant.

congrats!

Thank you! 🤞

I’m so sorry it’s taking a long time the second time around - it’s so cruel how TTC is so unpredictable and at times, volatile. I so hope you get your BFP soon!

I also recommend not testing before you miss your period, as the stress of interpreting lines makes for turmoil!

OP posts:
blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 11/10/2026 17:53

I conceived my 2nd dc on the fourth month of trying and I was inconsolable before that!

Sendhelpplz55 · 11/10/2026 18:03

teasconesandlavender · 11/10/2026 17:47

Hi, yes I did. I did a FRER yesterday evening, which had a darker line. I did another FRER this morning which had a very faint line, which has worried me. I did a cheapie strip test (Premom) which had a good line, around 12pm today. Trying to take reassurance from that, because I did a cheapie yesterday morning, at the same time as the Boots one, and that one was a proper squinter!

I’ve attached my FRER from yesterday evening and the strip test from this afternoon.

Should I be concerned about the faint line early this morning?

I’m trying to step away from the tests, now. 😅

Show quote history

I think your test looks great for 10dpo, congratulations! I only tested a light positive 11dpo, all of my tests up to that were negative no hint of a line at all. Also all of my tests this time around were darker in the afternoon/evening, they were quite light in the mornings. I also tested with my GP and the line was barely there, but my HCG bloods from that same appointment were 750 and they did double it 48 hours so I wouldnt get overly concerned with tests (even though I totally drove myself insane testing every time) but if you could get HCG bloods done across 48/72 hours it is more reliable than trying to guess by line darkness.

Original poster
teasconesandlavender · 11/10/2026 20:03

Sendhelpplz55 · 11/10/2026 18:03

I think your test looks great for 10dpo, congratulations! I only tested a light positive 11dpo, all of my tests up to that were negative no hint of a line at all. Also all of my tests this time around were darker in the afternoon/evening, they were quite light in the mornings. I also tested with my GP and the line was barely there, but my HCG bloods from that same appointment were 750 and they did double it 48 hours so I wouldnt get overly concerned with tests (even though I totally drove myself insane testing every time) but if you could get HCG bloods done across 48/72 hours it is more reliable than trying to guess by line darkness.

Edited
Show quote history

Thank you, that’s really reassuring. I have read quite a few accounts of women saying their tests were darker in the afternoon/evening than in the morning.

I have a blood test this Friday at my GP, for something not pregnancy-related! Should I tell them I’m pregnant then? Will they be able to HCG on my bloods then? At what stage do we book the booking appointment with the midwife? I’m still so apprehensive about this pregnancy, I won’t believe it until I get to the end of the week with no AF!

OP posts:
TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 11/10/2026 20:07

Being stressed won't help. I fell pregnant really easily. But keeping them..

Imisscoffee2021 · 11/10/2026 20:08

Edited as saw latest update, congratulations!

I remember feeling this way, it's the tracking that doesn't help as you hyper fixate on symptoms and then a bfn comes and it's frustrating and feels like your body's playing tricks on you. I actually ended up needing ivf due to my husband having a varicocele and that was far easier for me than the monthly agony of ttc and getting nowhere tweaking my lifestyle constantly and getting obsessive with tracking temps etc.

Try and relax if you can, obviously aim to have sex on ovulation window days etc but also if you can once you know you've hit that window and given it the best chance, try and distract. I doe loaded duolingo and learned French for a year as an avoidance technique to stop reading so much about conception! Of course if it takes a long time do get the usual tests done but you're in the early days.

HappyBlueDonkey · 12/10/2026 20:38

teasconesandlavender · 11/10/2026 17:50

Thank you! 🤞

I’m so sorry it’s taking a long time the second time around - it’s so cruel how TTC is so unpredictable and at times, volatile. I so hope you get your BFP soon!

I also recommend not testing before you miss your period, as the stress of interpreting lines makes for turmoil!

Show quote history

i always test before my period as I have had multiple chemicals so it’s really useful for fertility testing etc. I do remember being very worried first time around as I found out at 8DPO but don’t regret it

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