Page 2 | Is this amount of disappointment normal?

bottlebotainical · 11/09/2026 07:12

teasconesandlavender · 07/09/2026 06:39

Thank you.

I just wish I knew why - why do some women, conceive immediately and then other women, who are just as healthy, take months? I wonder the same thing about subsequent pregnancies, too. How some women conceive easily first time, and take months for their second, or vice versa.

Try this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pre-Seed-Fertility-Friendly-Lubricant-Multi-Use-Applicators/dp/B004382GWK

It took us ages to conceive but when we started using this I conceived instantly within 1 or 2 months. May not help everyone but worked wonders for us.

Love the stuff, it made DTD less of a chore too.

Take folic acid, manage your health and wellbeing. Good luck.

Amazon

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pre-Seed-Fertility-Friendly-Lubricant-Multi-Use-Applicators/dp/B004382GWK?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-conception-5575334-is-this-amount-of-disappointment-normal

bottlebotainical · 11/09/2026 07:14

Whattodo2024 · 07/09/2026 08:24

I wasted best part of a year on the sticks trying to predict when I was most fertile. Went to (a very expensive) fertility dr and he said ditch the sticks, have sex every other day for a month. Bingo.

And this 👏

the ovulation sticks are rubbish (imo) DTD every other day. Keep fit and healthy but remember to enjoy yourself socially too.

Chocolatebuttons88 · 11/09/2026 07:20

I tried for 8 years with my ex. It turned out the infertility was on his side. I tried for 2 years with another ex. It happened first time when I actually got pregnant with a third partner. I was 40.

Everyone's story is different.

Go to the doctor now and get checked out if you want. It's easy for us to stay stop worrying... it's harder to do.

I wish you all the best.

I used preseed, ovulation kits.... I'm not sure it helped. Relaxing helped.

Sendhelpplz55 · 11/09/2026 09:21

teasconesandlavender · 06/09/2026 09:43

Hi,

I’m on my third cycle TTC first time. Tracking with OPKs for the last two cycles. I’m 31.

I’m 12DPO today. Tested yesterday morning with FRER, BFN. Tested again this morning with Boots early detection, BFN. No period yet, but this is pretty definitive.

However, last night, I broke down. I was so upset and devastated, and really started to believe this will never happen for me. I just can’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet. My cycles are regular. I’ve never been on hormonal contraception.

I know that it can take up to a year for it to happen. I just didn’t believe this would really be the case. So many women say they got pregnant in the first or second cycle. I just assumed that if it took longer than say, 6 months, it was either poor luck or an obvious reason. I listened to a podcast led by a fertility specialist who said that couples who aren’t pregnant after 6 months are less likely to become pregnant in 12 months. Something about fecundability(?). I think hearing that statistic really got to me.

I just feel ashamed of myself. If that makes sense? Like, ashamed that my body isn’t doing the one job it’s supposed to do. I have always imagined become a mum was just a given, and I don’t have any identity outside of this.

This is just a ramble, and probably out of touch, I know. I have no women whom I can talk to about this IRL. Just looking for solidarity, I think.

Totally normal to be upset, but also totally normal for it to take a lot more than 3 months. I dont believe what that fertility specialist says at all. Take a deep breath, give yourself a lot more time. Maybe deactivate your social media for a while, try to be kind to yourself and know that many of these announcements you see those people may have been trying for months and months, went through fertility treatment or had losses etc that you do not know about not everyone shares their full story so please don't compare to anyone else xx

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 11/09/2026 17:16

Jkasyu · 10/09/2026 22:33

There’s really no rhyme or reason for it, in my experience. I’ve been TTC since Jan 2025 (age 31 at that point), and I’ve had three miscarriages in that time. First pregnancy conceived the second month pregnancy was possible (the first month we even barely “tried”). Second pregnancy took 7 months which felt like 7 years (ft LH strips, BBT, the works). Third pregnancy took 2 months. Now have just ruled myself out of cycle two of round 4. So even in the same person, it’s clear it really varies.

I was told at a fertility clinic that 4 months is the average time to conception, so you’re still under that! If it’s financially an option for you, you could consider doing a basic work up at a clinic after eg 6 months. Ours were about £550 for a couples package and I found it reassuring.

It really is grim and stressful and hard, though - and just a case of getting through it as best you can! Good luck x

I’m so so sorry to hear about your losses. I can’t imagine how horrible that must be to go through.

Interesting that you were told 4 months is the average time to conception. That seems relatively short - but it also validates my cynicism about it being “normal” to take a full year!

I went to my GP this week, and explained my concerns. I talked about how it was making me feel anxious and distressed. I’m fortunate that I was taken seriously and I’m being referred for blood work and hormone tests to rule anything out. My weight is on the “lower side”, which can affect fertility as much as it being too high, it seems.

OP posts:

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 11/09/2026 17:18

bottlebotainical · 11/09/2026 07:12

Try this
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pre-Seed-Fertility-Friendly-Lubricant-Multi-Use-Applicators/dp/B004382GWK

It took us ages to conceive but when we started using this I conceived instantly within 1 or 2 months. May not help everyone but worked wonders for us.

Love the stuff, it made DTD less of a chore too.

Take folic acid, manage your health and wellbeing. Good luck.

Show quote history

Thanks, I saw this recommended on MN and I have already bought some! No luck yet, but will keep persevering 💪

OP posts:

Toomanyweekstogo · 12/09/2026 23:42

teasconesandlavender · 11/09/2026 17:18

Thanks, I saw this recommended on MN and I have already bought some! No luck yet, but will keep persevering 💪

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Have a look at coQ10. I know it’s horrid. I spent 8 years trying in a past relationship and nothing! Fell first try with this partner with our DD, took 7 months this time, with two chemicals in between. Ferrous sulphate I’m sure made this one stick. Good luck with your journey

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 13/09/2026 09:00

Toomanyweekstogo · 12/09/2026 23:42

Have a look at coQ10. I know it’s horrid. I spent 8 years trying in a past relationship and nothing! Fell first try with this partner with our DD, took 7 months this time, with two chemicals in between. Ferrous sulphate I’m sure made this one stick. Good luck with your journey

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I had never heard of coQ10 until I started TTC - what are its benefits for fertility?

Interesting to hear so many accounts of women who had different outcomes TTC with different men. I really hope my husband isn’t the problem, he’s my soulmate! 🙈

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Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 30/09/2026 19:29

Not that anyone cares for an update - but I had a lot of helpful responses, and this makes a good sounding board, if nothing else!

I’m entering the TWW on my 4th cycle. I ovulated late this cycle (day 23 when it’s usually day 16), not sure if that’s down to stress maybe. 🤔

I am so desperate for this to happen. As it stands, I can’t even imagine ever falling pregnant. It feels so futile, doing everything “right” and it still not happening. How do you stay hopeful?

OP posts:

strawberrylaces12 · 01/10/2026 09:56

I completely get it. After my first IUI (same sex couple so no trying naturally, it was the first ever attempt to try and get pregnant) I balled my eyes out at it not working. Even though it was the first attempt. I think because you get so emotionally invested and my expectations were far too high. I don't think hormones around the time of an upcoming/just started period help at all. After 6 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF we did get our lovely son, but I wish I'd let myself accept it can take time. Not that I'm saying it will take ages for you at all. It's so hard when you're in it to try and take a step back and look at the bigger picture to see how very early it is TTC wise. I hope you get your BFP very soon!

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 01/10/2026 17:14

strawberrylaces12 · 01/10/2026 09:56

I completely get it. After my first IUI (same sex couple so no trying naturally, it was the first ever attempt to try and get pregnant) I balled my eyes out at it not working. Even though it was the first attempt. I think because you get so emotionally invested and my expectations were far too high. I don't think hormones around the time of an upcoming/just started period help at all. After 6 IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF we did get our lovely son, but I wish I'd let myself accept it can take time. Not that I'm saying it will take ages for you at all. It's so hard when you're in it to try and take a step back and look at the bigger picture to see how very early it is TTC wise. I hope you get your BFP very soon!

Thank you for the kind words. ❤️

Your journey sounds long and stressful. 2 rounds of IVF must take its toll, both mentally and physically.

I struggle with making arbitrary timelines for myself - e.g., wanting to be pregnant by X event or milestone, if that makes sense! I started TTC when I was 30, and I’m now counting down how many months I have until I’ll be 32 before holding my own baby. Stupid, I know!

OP posts:

strawberrylaces12 · 02/10/2026 11:19

teasconesandlavender · 01/10/2026 17:14

Thank you for the kind words. ❤️

Your journey sounds long and stressful. 2 rounds of IVF must take its toll, both mentally and physically.

I struggle with making arbitrary timelines for myself - e.g., wanting to be pregnant by X event or milestone, if that makes sense! I started TTC when I was 30, and I’m now counting down how many months I have until I’ll be 32 before holding my own baby. Stupid, I know!

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I completely understand. Looking back I wish I could have told myself to be more patient and still enjoy life during it. I was so engrossed in the fertility stuff that I sort of forgot to enjoy life still, didn't want to book holidays away etc just in case appointments were needed, even booking last minute ones didn't really sit well with me. But I wish I'd still lived life as fully and booked those holidays as I would have normally. But what's done is done and I'm so luckily to have a lovely little toddler. We're thinking about the idea of trying for another soon with the embryos we have and I really hope I can go into it a bit more relaxed and be less in my head about things. We'll see, easier said than done 😂

ThereWereNoUsernamesLeft · 02/10/2026 22:27

jackstini · 07/09/2026 08:09

Well one thing is the reasons are not always to do with the woman!

Please don’t be beating yourself up that your body is ‘not doing what it should’ when it has been a really short time

9-12 months is average, and many take longer

Stress does not help conception. I finally got a bfp after a ‘do almost nothing’ holiday about a year after we started trying, I was 32 so similar age

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As someone who is 32, has been trying for a year as of this month, and is going on a do almost nothing holiday next week this is good to hear. We had a loss on cycle 3 and nothing since so hoping our time is coming.

OP- easier said then don but try not to put too much pressure on yourself, my first 6m ttc were by far the worst due to all of the expectation and pressure. You'd think it gets worse as time goes on but it's actually got easier. It may take time, it may not. Appart from DTD in your fertile window and being reasonably healthy there's not much else you can do.

NotABarOfIt · 02/10/2026 22:33

Honestly, I’d ditch all the fertility advice and ovulation testing and definitely stop pregnancy tests until/unless your period is late. You’re just winding yourself up.

Youre early 30s and have only been trying for 3 months. Have a lot of sex and relax.

Nobabyyet296 · 02/10/2026 22:40

I’m 24 months in and no pregnancy so I’m concerned and seeking help.

i wouldn’t be remotely concerned at 3 months.

im sure the stats are that you have about 20% chance each month for a healthy couple.

We’ve clearly evolved that way for a reason

cucumber4745 · 02/10/2026 23:17

I got pregnant in the one cycle I was certain I won’t. Turns out my ovulation tracking app was totally wrong and I didn’t ovulate when I thought I did. We weren’t careful or actively trying but took 7 months. I have low AMH, and generally irregular ovulation as I am at high risk if premature ovarian failure. That said all the basal temp tracking and positive ovulation tests I had a number of anovulatory cycles so just make sure you have sex every 2-3 days, rather than trying to predict ovulation and have sex around that - you may be totally off !

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 11:23

Nobabyyet296 · 02/10/2026 22:40

I’m 24 months in and no pregnancy so I’m concerned and seeking help.

i wouldn’t be remotely concerned at 3 months.

im sure the stats are that you have about 20% chance each month for a healthy couple.

We’ve clearly evolved that way for a reason

24 months is such a long time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you seeking help through the NHS, or private? Is it your first time TTC? I hope you get some answers, and you get your much-wanted pregnancy sooner rather than later. ❤️

I’ve just come away from an old thread on here talking about how many cycles it took to conceive. Conceiving first cycle was overwhelmingly common. Absolutely gut-wrenching.

I think if I don’t conceive this cycle (4th), I might need to take a break. It’s looking statistically less likely with every passing cycle, and it’s just destroying my mental health.

OP posts:

Nobabyyet296 · 03/10/2026 13:42

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 11:23

24 months is such a long time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you seeking help through the NHS, or private? Is it your first time TTC? I hope you get some answers, and you get your much-wanted pregnancy sooner rather than later. ❤️

I’ve just come away from an old thread on here talking about how many cycles it took to conceive. Conceiving first cycle was overwhelmingly common. Absolutely gut-wrenching.

I think if I don’t conceive this cycle (4th), I might need to take a break. It’s looking statistically less likely with every passing cycle, and it’s just destroying my mental health.

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Honestly don’t give up hope. Lots of my friends were 8th-12th cycle. Some were 1st / 2nd. I got pregnant on my second cycle but had an early miscarriage and then nothing since. I know it’s hard seeing all of these people who fall pregnant immediately without trying though- I can’t even read those threads as I feel so resentful which isn’t a nice thing to say but that’s how I feel.

I’m doing private ivf as can’t wait for nhs. I have PCOS which adds to my issues as means I have long cycles.

TTC is soul destroying but please try not to lose hope at this stage. The odds are very much in your favour.

might be worth your partner having a sperm test and you having initial blood tests and amh testing. It will probably put your mind at rest that there’s nothing immediately wrong.

wishing you the best of luck.

Hedgehog23 · 03/10/2026 13:45

It took me a year or so to get pregnant both times (though I did have a miscarriage within that year of trying for my first). I was older. But also sometimes it takes time but does work out.

ThatLoudCat · 03/10/2026 14:03

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 11:23

24 months is such a long time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Are you seeking help through the NHS, or private? Is it your first time TTC? I hope you get some answers, and you get your much-wanted pregnancy sooner rather than later. ❤️

I’ve just come away from an old thread on here talking about how many cycles it took to conceive. Conceiving first cycle was overwhelmingly common. Absolutely gut-wrenching.

I think if I don’t conceive this cycle (4th), I might need to take a break. It’s looking statistically less likely with every passing cycle, and it’s just destroying my mental health.

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Can you not just give up tracking and just keep a regular unprotected sex life? There's no need to completely give up.

People who conceive easily seem drawn to those threads. Maybe some kind of weird bragging rights that they feel they have. They're definitely inaccurately skewed towards those who get pregnant in the first couple of cycles, whatever the reason is.

I really think you're being a little dramatic for only being on your 4th cycle (not trying to be rude!) I just wouldn't be getting concerned to until much closer to a year.

I know people hate the advice to "just relax" but I think its appropriate for where you are at in your TTC journey. Just have lots of fun, unprotected sex for now :) and don't test until you're late on your period.

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 15:40

Nobabyyet296 · 03/10/2026 13:42

Honestly don’t give up hope. Lots of my friends were 8th-12th cycle. Some were 1st / 2nd. I got pregnant on my second cycle but had an early miscarriage and then nothing since. I know it’s hard seeing all of these people who fall pregnant immediately without trying though- I can’t even read those threads as I feel so resentful which isn’t a nice thing to say but that’s how I feel.

I’m doing private ivf as can’t wait for nhs. I have PCOS which adds to my issues as means I have long cycles.

TTC is soul destroying but please try not to lose hope at this stage. The odds are very much in your favour.

might be worth your partner having a sperm test and you having initial blood tests and amh testing. It will probably put your mind at rest that there’s nothing immediately wrong.

wishing you the best of luck.

Edited

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I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. How hard it must be, feeling all excited and hopeful, only for it to all be taken away from you. Life can be so cruel. 💐

Thank you for sharing positive anecdotes about your friends. I know exactly what you mean about feeling resentful when you see someone say they got pregnant first try.

I saw my GP a couple of weeks ago and was referred for bloods then, but haven’t heard anything, so may have to chase that up.

Wishing you the best of luck with your IVF journey, when it begins. ❤️

OP posts:

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 15:44

ThatLoudCat · 03/10/2026 14:03

Can you not just give up tracking and just keep a regular unprotected sex life? There's no need to completely give up.

People who conceive easily seem drawn to those threads. Maybe some kind of weird bragging rights that they feel they have. They're definitely inaccurately skewed towards those who get pregnant in the first couple of cycles, whatever the reason is.

I really think you're being a little dramatic for only being on your 4th cycle (not trying to be rude!) I just wouldn't be getting concerned to until much closer to a year.

I know people hate the advice to "just relax" but I think its appropriate for where you are at in your TTC journey. Just have lots of fun, unprotected sex for now :) and don't test until you're late on your period.

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I tried to stop tracking this cycle, but when I had no sign of ovulation I started to worry. So I got the OPKs out again. I ovulated late, on day 23. Not sure why, when it seems to be day 15/16 usually.

I think you’re probably right about the type of people who are drawn to those threads!

OP posts:

ThatLoudCat · 03/10/2026 16:03

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 15:44

I tried to stop tracking this cycle, but when I had no sign of ovulation I started to worry. So I got the OPKs out again. I ovulated late, on day 23. Not sure why, when it seems to be day 15/16 usually.

I think you’re probably right about the type of people who are drawn to those threads!

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The best way to cover all your bases, is to have sex at least every other day. That way you won't miss an ovulation window, even if it does happen late or early. I know that's easier said than done. Life is busy, sometimes one or both of you isn't feeling it ect. Don't stress if you miss a day though and try not to make sex a chore. You really are in the early days still! It should just be fun and exciting for now.

Wishing you lots of luck!

Original poster

teasconesandlavender · 03/10/2026 16:35

ThatLoudCat · 03/10/2026 16:03

The best way to cover all your bases, is to have sex at least every other day. That way you won't miss an ovulation window, even if it does happen late or early. I know that's easier said than done. Life is busy, sometimes one or both of you isn't feeling it ect. Don't stress if you miss a day though and try not to make sex a chore. You really are in the early days still! It should just be fun and exciting for now.

Wishing you lots of luck!

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Thank you so much. ❤️

I have received a lot of kindness here, despite probably sound tone-deaf to women who’ve been trying for years!

We managed every other day this cycle, including when I actually ovulated, so fingers crossed. 🤞

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RowsOfFlowers · 04/10/2026 09:21

4 cycles isn’t that much OP. Despite reading a lot where people conceived first time, I don’t think that’s actually the norm… The NHS won’t usually offer help until you’ve been trying a year. We’d been trying 18 months before we went for fertility support and I then conceived 2nd cycle!