Is having one child being selfish

You are not selfish Musa ... agree with everyone else ... you must do what is right for you and tell everyone else to get lost. I don't know why people hassle people about a)having a baby as soon as they get married or hit 30 and b) have another baby once you have had the first ...
And then ... once people get pregnant with their third or fourth child everyone sees fit to comment negatively on that ... bizarre ...!
FWIW ... After my terrible birth experience with DS followed by a sick baby and PND I was only going to have one child ....
We decided when he was 2 to try for another for DS's sake ... and DH wanted another but I didn't. I got pregnant almost reluctantly and then lost that pregnancy at 12 weeks. I was devastated ... and that was the turning point for me ... I realised I did really want another but didn't want the nightmare that went before.
So we tried again and I fell pregnant with DD. The birth was a dream ... (c/s) thanks to a wonderful sympathetic midwife who stuck by me throughout my pregnancy and DD is the most delightful baby ... I can't imagine life without her and I shudder at the thought that I might not have had her ...
Love
Gxx

No, you aren't being selfish, only you can decide what's right for you and your family.
Having said that, I desperately want at least one sibling for ds. I'm one of three and really value the relationship I have with my sisters, even though we weren't always best of friends as kids. We may fight among ourselves but if anyone else interferes we present a very united front! My mother was an only child (adopted) and hated being on her own when her parents died (first when she was 21, second when she was 23). Thinks she feels very lonely, not having any family of her own to share all the memories with (apart from us, of course, but it isn't the same as having contemporaries). But I know other only children who are very happy with that, as are their parents. Whatever works for you - no-one else has any right to criticise.

MUSA I cannot understand why people think they have a right to tell you how many children to have! Actually I have 3 but would defend anyone's right to have 1. If you only want one child, for whatever reason (difficult birth, financial reasons or just feel you couldn't deal with it) then that is absolutely the right decision. How awful to have a 2nd baby to please others and perhaps resent the child. Equally, anyone should be entitled to have 3, 4 or however many. It's them that has to bear them feed them, bring them up...Can you tell this makes me angry! You're "supposed" to have two, if they are a boy and a girl even better. I got a lot of odd comments (you're brave/mad) when pg with no 3, but why should we conform to someone else's norms? This is whyI NEVER ask people if they are having a 2nd child - maybe they can't conceive or simply don't want to. You do what's good for you MUSA. I love my big family but would never insist on anyone else doing it just to keep me company!

No, MUSA, def. not selfish. Tell them all to bog off

thanks for your vote of confidence, i wish you luck with your decision and i can easily tell that it will be the right one for you cos you are thinking it all through now!!! Feel free to bounce around your changing thoughts if you like i happy to give feedback if you like!!!

Its a personel thing, only you can decide how many children you want. I have two and sometimes think i would be wonderful to just have one. Don't let people push you into having another if you don't want to, cause you might end up resenting the child. Stick to your guns.

God would have another one just to ensure you don't produce any Lawyers

(am allowed to say that as dh is one btw before I get lynched by all the mn legal types)

Apparently more CEOs, politicians, musicians, other very accomplished people were onlies! Not that you're guaranteed to produce a brain surgeon or top solicitor just because he doesn't have any siblings though

Nope, not selfish at all. Do what you feel is best for your family, be that 1 or 10 !

WSM
xxx

oh and btw the C-section was the best bit tbh! Didn't feel any pain and it was very easy

MUSA I too had a horrible time (nearly died) with the birth of my dd 20 months ago and my immediate reaction (and that of my dh and family) was that I wouldn't have any more children. I had a failed induction, emergency c-section and then lost 10 litres of blood, had to have 9 hour general anaesthetic and ended up in intensive care!

However, last year I started to feel like you (or rather your family) that it was selfish to only have one child and that she would suffer. DH and I went to see the Prof at the hospital where dd was born and went through the birth in detail, discussing why things happened the way they did, the likelihood of it happening again and what they could do for me if it did happen again. It was a brilliant if traumatic experience, really made me see things clearly and now I would like to have another, though I am getting on (37) so may not happen as dd took 3 yrs to conceive.

All I am trying to say really is don't let your bad birth experience put you off having another - if you genuinely just want one child then of course that is entirely up to you but do look into the whys and wherefores of your birth first so that you can make your decision with all the facts in hand.

Musa - my heart goes out to you on this one. I had a horrible birth with my ds which left me reeling. I vowed afterwards that I would never do it again... but three years on I suddenly realised I did want another child, for me, for my husband and for my son. Only problem was nothing happened and I have since been diagnosed with premature ovarian failure - which means it is highly unlikely that I can have another child without going down the egg donation route. So, having waited so long, I've left it too late - and it is heartbreaking.

Please don't let your experience have the same influence. If you do want another child and your fear is the only thing standing in your way you should talk to your GP and get counselling if needs be... an, as Aloha says, don't be put off by the thought of having a c-section.

xxx

if you want another baby for yourself, then by all means go ahead with it. if you want another baby for somebody else (i.e. your existing child, husband, family etc) think about it a bit more

Musa, don't let fear of birth put you off if that really is all that's standing in your way. Have a nice calm elective section - I am sure you would get it given your last experience. They can be great. See Prufrock's current thread. You aren't selfish, how rude and nasty of your family to say so. But that's irrelevant anyway - it's what you want that counts. Good luck.

And congratulations CAB!!!

i wouldn't say you're selfish. for various reasons i only want 1 child but i know having sibilings is wonderful for children (as i have experienced), but it's your choice only. i personally wouldn't want another child. very few people agree with this staement , i think it's a cultural thing too.

musa, dont know if this may help, but i spent 33 years telling myself and everyone else that i did not want any children. I was then lucky enough to meet my dp and realised that actually i had never got to the stage where i was either comfortable enough with myself or with any man to want children. My dp changed all that and i fell in love with him and his children and decided i wanted ONE of my own with him. I was very sure i only wanted one. I had my ds 4 years ago and like you it was a nasty pregnancy and birth topped off with my dad dying when he was 3 weeks old and my mum 14 mnoths later. I spent the next few years coming to terms with my losses and learning to be a mum and gradually last year decided to have another child. The reasons i am now 6 months pregnant are the following;

1. I really could not bear the idea that when my son has bury his parents he will be alone without any siblings to really understand and share the grief and burdens with. Also and equally if not more so importantly
2. He was/is overindulged, i have too much emotional anxiety tied up in him (tied up with the loss of my parents so close to his arrival) and realise that in the future for both him and i we need the balance of a sibling.

Hardly the common reasons for wanting another child and i have felt guilt over the feelings but am really beginning to know that i (for me) have mad the right choices. I am scared Sss of the birth and the first 18 months, i do not know how i am going to cope but i do really know that it is the right thing for me.

Someone suggested counselling earlier in this thread and i would really recommend it as i am sure that inadvertently that is what helped me come to my decisions.

Hope some of this helps you and as everyone said and still says to me often

NO TWO PREGANCIES ARE THE SAME
NO TWO BIRTHS ARE THE SAME
ETC ETC

Feeling VERY broody tho....

Message withdrawn

Yes I cnat imagine life without the plaesure my siblings give me. Dh is only child and had a rather solitary childhood depite being VERY social
. also no cousins on that side for the kids

i have 1 child and would like to have more kids one day but am single at the mo! i dont think you are selfish at all, however i think i would really miss not having siblings at the age i am now (26). my sister is 28 and my brother is 21 and we are really close. also obivously if i didnt have siblings i also wouldnt have my nephew and my son wouldnt have his cousin.

This is the other thread

musa, we're all different, the is no "right number" of children to have. some are happy with none and others want 12! I always wanted 4 or 5 but now I have 2 and am totally content with that. do whatever feels right for you...not your relations.