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Original poster

Holiday acquaintance: is this a fair message?

96 replies

SpamelaHamderson · 23/10/2026 23:24

I’ve just come back off holiday. By coincidence, an old friend, Beth, was in the same resort at the same time. We’re not close - I haven’t seen her in person for about ten years - but we keep in touch on Facebook. So it seemed natural to meet up with her and her friend Jo while I was there.

Now, Beth is also friends with Mel, an ex-friend of mine. Mel and I were once very close, but we had a spectacular and permanent falling out. The only time Beth has referenced this is when she passed on a happy birthday message. I said I was sorry she’d been dragged into it and told her she shouldn’t feel she had to pass on messages. That was that.

Anyway, when I had a drink with Beth and Jo, Beth asked if there was any chance of me and Mel making things up. I said absolutely not; too much has happened and the friendship is beyond repair. I thought I was probably going to have to give Jo a basic explanation, but before I could, she said, “Oh, you’re THAT Spamela! Oh yes, Mel’s been really upset about your falling out. She’d love to make it up.”

I felt awkward, as I would have chanced changed the subject earlier had I known Jo knew her too. I reiterated that it was over. Jo started the whole “Oh, I’m sure you could sort it out; she just wants a chance to explain” routine. I shut it down and changed the subject, and made my excuses not long afterwards.

Anyway, it seems Jo has found me on social media and has been speaking to Mel, as Jo has messaged me saying Mel would really love the chance to explain, it all got out of hand etc., and couldn’t I just have one conversation with her? I was pretty annoyed, TBH. I have no idea why Jo would insert herself in this situation. Part of me wants to simply ignore the message, but I don’t want to give her an excuse to try again.

What do you think of this response? Does it toe the right line between friendly and firm?

“Hi Jo - I hope you enjoyed your holiday. You are kind to be concerned about your friend, but as I said on holiday, there is no going back for me and Mel and I don’t want to discuss it any further. Take care.”

OP posts:
unicornsandstardust · Yesterday 04:25

I'd block her without responding. There's nothing wrong with your message, but I find it weird and creepy that Jo has gone to the hassle of searching you out on Facebook for the sole purpose of harassing you, after one meeting. I wouldn't want to encourage someone like her by responding.

I'd cool it with the Beth too, they're all friends and they've obviously all been gossiping about you at some point and still are recently if it's enough to elicit that response you initially got from Jo. Do you really need a Facebook friend you never see, who is friends with your enemy, friends with at least one other weird person (Jo) and who gossips about you?

ThatCosy · Yesterday 04:36

I think that yours is 100 times better and classier than any of the other suggestions. Just ignore if she asks again but I really don't think that she will.

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · Yesterday 04:40

BerryTwister · Yesterday 00:35

I think your message is perfect. Don’t “leave her on read”, that’s just rude, and I’m sure you’re better than that.

It's not rude to ignore an unsolicited message on a topic you don't want to discuss. What's rude is this woman inserting herself into a situation that's none of her business. OP, I would just not reply at all. If you don't engage, there's nothing else this busybody can do.

Mymanyellow · Yesterday 05:15

1 ignore and block.
2 fuck of and mind your own business.
Thise are my two solutions.

Lumpyteats · Yesterday 05:25

I'd probably give it the effort it deserves and reply with a thumbs down.

OuijaBoard · Yesterday 05:41

If Mel wanted to "explain", she'd have found a way to do so years ago. I suspect Jo is getting some satisfaction out of inserting herself and it's not for the benefit of Mel (or, obviously, you) AND it's not your problem.

You don't owe Jo anything, but if you feel inclined to reply rather than ignoring or blocking, your reply is fine. I'd probably ignore her first SM message (since it sounds like Mel aside you don't care one way or the other about keeping in contact with Jo) and reply with it only if she keeps pushing you, adding "please drop this". If she mentions Mel again after that exchange, I'd feel no hesitation in blocking.

TorroFerney · Yesterday 07:14

BerryTwister · Yesterday 00:35

I think your message is perfect. Don’t “leave her on read”, that’s just rude, and I’m sure you’re better than that.

Why does she have to be “better “?

Wheelz46 · Yesterday 07:26

I would change the 'I don't want to discuss any further' to 'I won't be discussing it any further'.

Flamingojune · Yesterday 07:32

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · Yesterday 04:08

Are you going to tell us what the fall out was about for all us nosy bitches context…?

Agree it must have been bad for this response

MandemChickenShop · Yesterday 07:36

just delete social media

CleverlyBeery · Yesterday 07:41

grinandslothit · Yesterday 04:23

Far too much drama I wouldn't even say anything at all I would just block her

Blocking, ignoring etc - all that gives drama-lovers even more drama than the brief, measured, and rather dull response OP has suggested.

Grey rock is that for a reason. It's boring and you reduce the chances of them imagining their own crazy situations and run with them.

Wowthatwasabigstep · Yesterday 08:45

‘Jo I was very clear when I saw you on holiday that the situation is not one which will be remedied. Why do you feel the need to interfere in something which has absolutely nothing to do with you’

Agatha1989 · Yesterday 09:25

Ignore it. Don’t fuel the flames. Some people love getting involved in the drama of others. I wouldn’t bother with a response.

Jimmyjumpy · Yesterday 09:31

Sounds fair enough.

Moveoverdarlin · Yesterday 09:32

I would be more blunt and remove the first bit. I would start the message with ‘as I said on holiday…’

She’s not being kind, she’s sticking her nose in. She’s stirring the pot and wants to be involved in your friendship group.

TheFirstAffair · Yesterday 09:37

Jo needs to get a life of her own.

I also need to get a life of MY own because I really want to know what happened with Mel

MomOfBirmingham · Yesterday 09:42

TheFirstAffair · Yesterday 09:37

Jo needs to get a life of her own.

I also need to get a life of MY own because I really want to know what happened with Mel

🤣 me too!

OP I think your message is a good one.

Jo does indeed need a hobby.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · Yesterday 09:58

Sorry you have got dragged into this. I have no interest in Mel or anything to do with her life and have no intention of continuing this conversation. Please don't mention it again. I hope you enjoyed your holiday.

Alittlefrustrated · Yesterday 10:08

Don't respond. She's a busy body and any response will be fed back to Mel, and possibly twisted or misinterpreted.
How annoying.

Elsvieta · Yesterday 10:24

Maybe change to "I WON'T be discussing it further" - leaves no room for thinking she can persuade you. Or maybe "I won't be discussing it further - with her or you", if you think she's the type who's loving the drama and wanting all the details, as opposed to the type who's wishing she'd never been drawn into someone else's issues and would love to be able to just drop the whole thing.

Mrcollinswave · Yesterday 12:16

Rainallnight · Yesterday 00:07

Having gone with Jo and Beth, YABU for not calling the third one Meg

Or Amy!

Original poster
SpamelaHamderson · Yesterday 12:33

MandemChickenShop · Yesterday 07:36

just delete social media

Edited

Because of one unsolicited message? That would be ridiculous!

OP posts:
Sometimesitsmyownfault · Yesterday 12:33

Double laughing emoji for me 😂😂

I wouldn’t give any weight to the initial falling out, the various discussions or reconciliation by writing actual words.

PinkyFlamingo · Yesterday 12:36

I'm nosey, what was the fall out about? 🤣

Original poster
SpamelaHamderson · Yesterday 12:37

TheFirstAffair · Yesterday 09:37

Jo needs to get a life of her own.

I also need to get a life of MY own because I really want to know what happened with Mel

The long answer would fill a book, never mind a thread 😳

The short answer is that she became progressively more selfish and demanding. One day she made a time that was very stressful for me all about her and I finally forced myself to look at her behaviour as an outsider would. Haven’t spoken to her since!

OP posts: