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Original poster

Holiday acquaintance: is this a fair message?

31 replies

SpamelaHamderson · Yesterday 23:24

I’ve just come back off holiday. By coincidence, an old friend, Beth, was in the same resort at the same time. We’re not close - I haven’t seen her in person for about ten years - but we keep in touch on Facebook. So it seemed natural to meet up with her and her friend Jo while I was there.

Now, Beth is also friends with Mel, an ex-friend of mine. Mel and I were once very close, but we had a spectacular and permanent falling out. The only time Beth has referenced this is when she passed on a happy birthday message. I said I was sorry she’d been dragged into it and told her she shouldn’t feel she had to pass on messages. That was that.

Anyway, when I had a drink with Beth and Jo, Beth asked if there was any chance of me and Mel making things up. I said absolutely not; too much has happened and the friendship is beyond repair. I thought I was probably going to have to give Jo a basic explanation, but before I could, she said, “Oh, you’re THAT Spamela! Oh yes, Mel’s been really upset about your falling out. She’d love to make it up.”

I felt awkward, as I would have chanced changed the subject earlier had I known Jo knew her too. I reiterated that it was over. Jo started the whole “Oh, I’m sure you could sort it out; she just wants a chance to explain” routine. I shut it down and changed the subject, and made my excuses not long afterwards.

Anyway, it seems Jo has found me on social media and has been speaking to Mel, as Jo has messaged me saying Mel would really love the chance to explain, it all got out of hand etc., and couldn’t I just have one conversation with her? I was pretty annoyed, TBH. I have no idea why Jo would insert herself in this situation. Part of me wants to simply ignore the message, but I don’t want to give her an excuse to try again.

What do you think of this response? Does it toe the right line between friendly and firm?

“Hi Jo - I hope you enjoyed your holiday. You are kind to be concerned about your friend, but as I said on holiday, there is no going back for me and Mel and I don’t want to discuss it any further. Take care.”

OP posts:
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OuijaBoard · Today 05:41

If Mel wanted to "explain", she'd have found a way to do so years ago. I suspect Jo is getting some satisfaction out of inserting herself and it's not for the benefit of Mel (or, obviously, you) AND it's not your problem.

You don't owe Jo anything, but if you feel inclined to reply rather than ignoring or blocking, your reply is fine. I'd probably ignore her first SM message (since it sounds like Mel aside you don't care one way or the other about keeping in contact with Jo) and reply with it only if she keeps pushing you, adding "please drop this". If she mentions Mel again after that exchange, I'd feel no hesitation in blocking.

Lumpyteats · Today 05:25

I'd probably give it the effort it deserves and reply with a thumbs down.

Mymanyellow · Today 05:15

1 ignore and block.
2 fuck of and mind your own business.
Thise are my two solutions.

TheTortiePuffinNeedsHerBreakfast · Today 04:40

BerryTwister · Today 00:35

I think your message is perfect. Don’t “leave her on read”, that’s just rude, and I’m sure you’re better than that.

It's not rude to ignore an unsolicited message on a topic you don't want to discuss. What's rude is this woman inserting herself into a situation that's none of her business. OP, I would just not reply at all. If you don't engage, there's nothing else this busybody can do.

ThatCosy · Today 04:36

I think that yours is 100 times better and classier than any of the other suggestions. Just ignore if she asks again but I really don't think that she will.

unicornsandstardust · Today 04:25

I'd block her without responding. There's nothing wrong with your message, but I find it weird and creepy that Jo has gone to the hassle of searching you out on Facebook for the sole purpose of harassing you, after one meeting. I wouldn't want to encourage someone like her by responding.

I'd cool it with the Beth too, they're all friends and they've obviously all been gossiping about you at some point and still are recently if it's enough to elicit that response you initially got from Jo. Do you really need a Facebook friend you never see, who is friends with your enemy, friends with at least one other weird person (Jo) and who gossips about you?

grinandslothit · Today 04:23

Far too much drama I wouldn't even say anything at all I would just block her

Francestein · Today 04:21

I would be very blunt.
“I have told you repeatedly that I am never going to open that door again. Because you keep going back to it, I can’t trust that you are not going to manufacture a situation where Mel and I are “thrown together to sort things out”. I am going to be very clear that this is never going to happen. I need you to respect this very clear boundary and assure me that you will never bring it up again.”

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · Today 04:08

Are you going to tell us what the fall out was about for all us nosy bitches context…?

Mumof16 · Today 03:22

Tell us about Mel!

AmyFl · Today 03:00

I would just ignore the message.

user1492757084 · Today 02:54

Good message. Prepare a final one for Jo if she still persists...

No hard feelings between you and me, Jo. Please cease inserting yourself into my business; I do not wish to engage with Mel. Thank you. Blocked.

AmnesiacDream · Today 02:34

I would just block her tbh. She's being really rude and clearly thinks Mel's perspective is the important thing here.

If I was going to respond it would be along the lines of:

"Jo, this is nothing to do with you."

Your message is fine, though I think it's a bit too kind and won't shut her down fully.

Pieceofpurplesky · Today 02:10

Anyone else intrigued about what the OP and Mel fell out about?
OP I would go with the message above if you feel nothing can repair the friendship.

PinkFrogss · Today 01:43

I don’t think your response is firm enough that you do not want to discuss it, and I agree with pp that it may be misconstrued. I’d go with

”Hi Jo, as I’ve told you before my friendship with Mel is beyond repair. It ended years ago and I have no reason to discuss it with you or others, please stop bringing it up.”

DewDropsAndCobWebs · Today 00:59

" You know I have zero interest in anything to do with Mel, so let's not bring that up again.
I am glad you enjoyed the trip, I did too! "

BerryTwister · Today 00:35

I think your message is perfect. Don’t “leave her on read”, that’s just rude, and I’m sure you’re better than that.

TerracottaWorrier · Today 00:10

Don't reply at all. This woman obviously loves drama and any reply you send will be like an invitation to her.

Rainallnight · Today 00:07

Having gone with Jo and Beth, YABU for not calling the third one Meg

OffTheMap · Today 00:04

DuggansBakery · Yesterday 23:55

I think I’d just go with ‘I won’t be discussing this with you, Jo.’

Agreed

DuggansBakery · Yesterday 23:55

I think I’d just go with ‘I won’t be discussing this with you, Jo.’

OffTheMap · Yesterday 23:51

Jo is wholly out of order.

Send that message then block / unfriend her.

Who does she think she is?

Ideanna · Yesterday 23:48

She might try to construe 2. is a way to continue as she’s persistent.

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 23:43

I wouldn't respond and I'd just block her. Bloody busybody!

Original poster
SpamelaHamderson · Yesterday 23:40

Ideanna · Yesterday 23:38

Your message can be taken two ways

  1. there is no going back for me and Mel. I don’t want to discuss it any further.
  2. there is no going back for me. Mel and I don’t want to discuss it any further.

It still amounts to “end of conversation” though, I would hope!

OP posts: