Help! DH having general anaesthetic. Friend dreamt he died!

username2345678901 · 2026-10-17T15:50:19+00:00

My DH is having a fairly minor surgery under GA the week after next. I was already quite anxious about it. Then last night he told me that his friend who lives in the US sent a message saying he'd had a weird dream of being notified of his death and to let him know he was still alive! This friend had no knowledge of the upcoming op so it was totally random, and I don't know any more details. The thing that freaks me out is that in 2021 I had a dream that a close friend of mine who I wasn't in regular contact with had died and I was late to his funeral. I subsequently found out that he HAD died around the time I had my dream. AIBU to find it hard not to worry about this? How can I talk myself down? DH just finds it funny!

PrettyLittleRose · Yesterday 16:52

It doesn't mean he will die!

But how inconsiderate of his friend to say he dreamt he died. Adding to your worry.

Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 16:53

The friend didn't know anything about the op, to be fair! And I guess he was worried my DH might not be okay. He could've just messaged and waited to see if a reply came though!!

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Ohhelpwhatnow · Yesterday 16:53

What was the friend thinking of! Ignore.

DozyCrow · Yesterday 16:53

You're letting your anxiety get out of control because of a careless comment.

If the surgery is so minor, is there an option to have it done under sedation instead of GA?

Shloopie · Yesterday 16:54

If I'd dreamt that a friend had died and I wanted to check for proof of life I think I'd start with a simple hello. And I certainly wouldn't mention my dream to them.

Suspicioustoenails · Yesterday 16:55

If dreams were predictors of anything at all I'd have been married to Brad Pitt and fallen from a huge cliff into the sea many times.
I'd have counted all of my teeth as they fell into an envelope and walked naked around the supermarket.
I'd also be able to fly.

Dreams mean nothing.
Your DH will be fine.

Bouncywaves · Yesterday 16:56

I had a horrible dream that my best friend died. It was very realistic. She is absolutely fine years later.

Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 16:58

Suspicioustoenails · Yesterday 16:55

If dreams were predictors of anything at all I'd have been married to Brad Pitt and fallen from a huge cliff into the sea many times.
I'd have counted all of my teeth as they fell into an envelope and walked naked around the supermarket.
I'd also be able to fly.

Dreams mean nothing.
Your DH will be fine.

Bless you, this has made me laugh despite my anxiety!

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Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 16:59

DozyCrow · Yesterday 16:53

You're letting your anxiety get out of control because of a careless comment.

If the surgery is so minor, is there an option to have it done under sedation instead of GA?

Sadly not. It has to be a GA. I don't know how I will manage waiting at the hospital and not knowing if he is okay or not. Risk of death in healthy patients is 1 in 100,000 but I am the sort of person who sees that number and thinks it's a big risk!

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NeverDropYourMooncup · Yesterday 17:03

And I dreamed last night that DP gave me a twisty, pretzel-like snack with sugar crystals on it like a combination of a pretzel and a Bath Bun with little shards of preserved fruit that magically, didn't cause me to simultaneously puke, shit and sob with pain as my Coeliac Disease had disappeared.

No magical snacks have appeared this afternoon, sadly.

The other dream I remember recently was one about shagging a bloke that looked just like Chris Hemsworth before he got into a Spitfire and went off to fight Germans. There is so much wrong with that historically, I don't even know where to begin.

Half the time we think we remember dreams only after hearing something and assuming it was before the event instead of after, the other half, we didn't bother remembering the dream because there wasn't a coincidence to encourage it.

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 17:05

Well, there's nothing you can do about it. He will either die or not die. The friend's dream will have no impact on that whatsoever.

Dorothyperky · Yesterday 17:05

You can look up surgeon death rates but it will be tiny. It will also not help your anxiety.
My mum had a really well known botcher but these things are not tolerated these days. Too much online forums.

I doubt it means anything unless your DH is unhealthy in general. No clinician wants a dead patient so they'd be reluctant to operate.

I asked my surgeon re contraindications and he said you might die. I wanted to die due the terrible state I was in but all went well.
I'm sure he'll be fine.

Shloopie · Yesterday 17:06

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 17:05

Well, there's nothing you can do about it. He will either die or not die. The friend's dream will have no impact on that whatsoever.

I heard this said in a Russian accent

EppingIsFun · Yesterday 17:06

When I was a child, I had a horrendous dream about my dad dying. He's still alive 30 years later.

BMW58 · Yesterday 17:06

My Mum dreamt that my elder sister was eaten by a shark.

Guess what...........it didn't happen! How weird is that!

NeverDropYourMooncup · Yesterday 17:07

username2345678901 · Yesterday 16:59

Sadly not. It has to be a GA. I don't know how I will manage waiting at the hospital and not knowing if he is okay or not. Risk of death in healthy patients is 1 in 100,000 but I am the sort of person who sees that number and thinks it's a big risk!

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That's like every single person in Wembley Stadium and another ten thousand outside all having the same operation - and one of them dies. And if you take every single person at Heathrow airport in a day, all passengers, all staff and add another 20k waiting to get inside. One person.

Doing a short maths course where you can actually visualise what it means might help relieve some anxiety.

hotmumshit · Yesterday 17:07

Yanbu, thats terrifying 🥺 x

Miwadi · Yesterday 17:08

I have had vivid dreams about my mother’s death at several points in my life. She remains alive, well, and extremely difficult in her eighties! Don’t give this another thought!

Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 17:11

EppingIsFun · Yesterday 17:06

When I was a child, I had a horrendous dream about my dad dying. He's still alive 30 years later.

The thing is that I guess dreams like that about loved ones are based on our subconscious fears of loss or change. I've had similar horrible dreams too. But the fact that his friend had this is what makes it seem so random as surely DH wasn't really on his mind!

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SpiritAdder · Yesterday 17:11

He is safe because you did not dream it,

Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 17:12

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 17:05

Well, there's nothing you can do about it. He will either die or not die. The friend's dream will have no impact on that whatsoever.

Well, it's making me wonder if he should go ahead. Surgeon did say we could watch and wait so it's not 100% essential. It will just be a massive headache every year checking on it and a niggling doubt it's not benign.

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Onefairfish · Yesterday 17:21

username2345678901 · Yesterday 17:12

Well, it's making me wonder if he should go ahead. Surgeon did say we could watch and wait so it's not 100% essential. It will just be a massive headache every year checking on it and a niggling doubt it's not benign.

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You are unreasonable to suggest postponing an operation when there could be poor health repercussions by ‘watching and waiting’, because of some entirely coincidental remark by a third party. It’s magical thinking at its very worst. Also, doesn’t your husband actually get to decide whether or not he has an operation?

Anonymousical · Yesterday 17:27

I had a dream last night that I lined the toilet bowl with foil, I can't remember why now but in the dream there was a good reason 😂 Millions of us are having all kinds of dreams every night, some will be more 'normal' things like someone dying and occasionally there's one that will 'come true' just by luck of the draw but it doesn't mean you actually had foresight or predicted something, it's just coincidence. Try and relax, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Original poster

username2345678901 · Yesterday 17:31

Onefairfish · Yesterday 17:21

You are unreasonable to suggest postponing an operation when there could be poor health repercussions by ‘watching and waiting’, because of some entirely coincidental remark by a third party. It’s magical thinking at its very worst. Also, doesn’t your husband actually get to decide whether or not he has an operation?

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Of course he gets to decide. But it affects both of us so it's a discussion.

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GreenSedan · Yesterday 17:32

I dreamt that my daughter got a 9 in her GCSE maths. She didn't.

Dreams aren't premonitions.