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Original poster

Was this petty of me?

75 replies

Woofy12 · Yesterday 06:11

I'm on a stricter budget to pay off some debt, husband isn't really on a budget and earns a bit more.
We don't really eat together except if we go out, we tend to buy our own food as we often eat different things.
I take a packed lunch into work to try and save, i bought some chocolate bars to put in. Husband asked if he could have one so I said yes.
In the past I've woken up and he'll have eaten more in the night or whatever whereas I've tried to make them last the full week for work.
Was it petty of me to kindly let him know I'd like to keep them for work, but that i can buy us a larger pack to split between us?
I know it sounds ridiculous and tight, that's how I feel. He understood, it sounds stupid but when you plan for the week, wake up and half of it's gone, you have to go out and buy more.

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · Yesterday 06:21

This whole post sounds like you're describing a random housemate, not a husband.

SALaw · Yesterday 06:22

What a way to live with a life partner.

RandomMess · Yesterday 06:23

It’s incredibly sad that your supppsed DH is watching you struggle to that extent and is completely oblivious.

Youngbutsuccessfulmum · Yesterday 06:23

I am anti marriage and all for separate finances, but this sounds a very strange set up even to me.

Given the parameters you are both choosing to live by, if you each buy your own food, then husband should not be eating your things, especially when you have planned them for packed lunches and have the correct amount.

TheOlderIGetTheStayerIHome · Yesterday 06:24

Yes it’s annoying when someone eats the last of something and you wanted one of but, if you know you both like the chocolate, why not just buy a bigger pack to begin with? It seems odd to buy something solely for yourself that others in the house can’t eat. Buying your own separate groceries sounds like it’s not working. I’m vegan but DH isn’t, so we also eat separate things, but it’s all bought in the weekly shop. I put things in he likes, and vice versa.
The PA offer of buying a bigger pack sounds more like a housemate conversation than one I’d have with a loving partner!

RampantIvy · Yesterday 06:26

You live like student housemates. This isn't how a normal marriage sounds.

I cook and DH and I eat together. He washes up/loads the dishwasher or we do it together if there is a lot of hand washing up.

Original poster
Woofy12 · Yesterday 06:26

I'll just buy bigger ones which I offered to do. I don't mind him having the odd one at all, it's just when you try to stick to a budget and half of it's gone.

OP posts:
IronEverything · Yesterday 06:32

People on Mumsnet are so weird about food. Thank god I've never encountered anyone like it in real life.

MandemChickenShop · Yesterday 06:32

leave the packet at work

Thingcanonlygetbetter · Yesterday 06:37

Op that’s a very strange set up for a marriage. So you both go and get separate grocery shops for your food. I would be annoyed if my husband knew I was struggling and couldn’t just get the weekly shop.

DozyCrow · Yesterday 06:43

I find this whole set up really weird. He's letting you struggle while he can happily treat himself to things. If he likes chocolate then why doesn't he buy himself a pack when he's buying his own food? Stop giving him any of your budgeted stuff.

How much debt do you have left to clear? If he earns more, do you pay proportionately for bills, or does he expect you to go 50:50?

OrdinaryGirl · Yesterday 06:43

RandomMess · Yesterday 06:23

It’s incredibly sad that your supppsed DH is watching you struggle to that extent and is completely oblivious.

Fully agree. OP, your question about the chocolate is neither here nor there. The real question is What is going on in your marriage? 😥

LizandDerekGoals · Yesterday 06:45

Thingcanonlygetbetter · Yesterday 06:37

Op that’s a very strange set up for a marriage. So you both go and get separate grocery shops for your food. I would be annoyed if my husband knew I was struggling and couldn’t just get the weekly shop.

This. Your husband siunds mean. Why isnt he treating you?

AmyJahabee · Yesterday 06:45

Honestly, I find this quite exhausting. In a marriage, I don’t think you should have to scrutinise each other over such small things as a few chocolate bars. It seems a bit childish to me, to be honest. If you want to keep them for your work lunches, why not leave them at work. That way, you can stick to your budget without having to worry about who’s eaten what at home. I understand that you’re trying to pay off debt, but surely there are bigger things to focus on in a marriage than keeping track of a few chocolate bars.

Babayagahaha · Yesterday 06:55

You're married and eat like a second class citizen in your own home?

How else is he financially abusing you?

andfinallyhereweare · Yesterday 06:59

This is an unusual set up- it doesn’t sound like a partnership at all- we just have all joint money. None of this yours and mine.

HoppityBun · Yesterday 07:04

Was it petty of me to kindly let him know

I don’t understand this kindly business; what were you being kind about? Do you mean that you were polite and didn’t show him you were cross?

You also say that he understood, so I haven’t a clue what the problem is.

Beekman · Yesterday 07:12

I cannot imagine living with a parter and letting them struggle financially whilst I lived a comfortable life. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Maisymouse2 · Yesterday 07:15

He can buy his own box.
How do you split loo roll and laundry detergent?
Weird.

FeralWoman · Yesterday 07:17

If money and food are so separate why the fuck are you putting up with him eating your chocolate? Buy it and keep it at work. He can’t eat it there.

If he wants some of your chocolate at home he can bloody well pay for it. Put a jar next to the chocolate and write on it “Chocolate £2/bar” or whatever is a fair price. He’s a penny pinching selfish greedy fucker isn’t he?

FeralWoman · Yesterday 07:19

Maisymouse2 · Yesterday 07:15

He can buy his own box.
How do you split loo roll and laundry detergent?
Weird.

I assume he’s got the 4 ply luxury toilet paper and she’s using the cheapest generic 1 ply, and separate bottles and brands of detergent.

LlamasDramas · Yesterday 07:22

Just have your own stash hidden away if you don't trust him to binge. Him waking up in the middle of the night scoffing lots of biscuits sounds like an eating disorder to me. Does he binge other stuff as well?

Strange for you to ask on here whether you can talk to him about this. Do you think he will be upset if you want your fair share?

Doozycan · Yesterday 07:33

Woofy12 · Yesterday 06:11

I'm on a stricter budget to pay off some debt, husband isn't really on a budget and earns a bit more.
We don't really eat together except if we go out, we tend to buy our own food as we often eat different things.
I take a packed lunch into work to try and save, i bought some chocolate bars to put in. Husband asked if he could have one so I said yes.
In the past I've woken up and he'll have eaten more in the night or whatever whereas I've tried to make them last the full week for work.
Was it petty of me to kindly let him know I'd like to keep them for work, but that i can buy us a larger pack to split between us?
I know it sounds ridiculous and tight, that's how I feel. He understood, it sounds stupid but when you plan for the week, wake up and half of it's gone, you have to go out and buy more.

The whole post is petty cant believe people cant solve issues. Tell OH to get lost buy his own simples

LizandDerekGoals · Yesterday 07:34

HoppityBun · Yesterday 07:04

Was it petty of me to kindly let him know

I don’t understand this kindly business; what were you being kind about? Do you mean that you were polite and didn’t show him you were cross?

You also say that he understood, so I haven’t a clue what the problem is.

Edited

I totally agree with this. The only time i can keep chocolate is when i hide it from my greedy dh who eats treats immediately. I agree with others for you to take it to work. And ask him to replace what he had too.

Doozycan · Yesterday 07:35

Maisymouse2 · Yesterday 07:15

He can buy his own box.
How do you split loo roll and laundry detergent?
Weird.

The toilet paper labelled one for him and one for me and only 1 piece allowed