Was this petty of me?

Does your husband know that you are struggling financially? Does he not want to help you?

What is the debt? Was it something from before you met or something you might have taken on with him but in your name?

As others have said this arrangement does seem weird that if he knows you are on a tight budget and he isn't, why isn't he buying the chocolate to share?

How else are your finances split? Is it 50:50 but he earns more? I would be concerned over whether finances in your house are fair or whether he seems to be coming out of this better.

It wasn't at all petty. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, then he could be treating you to a multi pack of chocolate bars. He must at least be passing garages, they've all got fun size multipacks in for Halloween. Please don't tell me your debt is from maternity leave, or anything else that should be him taking over?

Sorry OP but how depressing. This doesn't sound like a marriage at all.

This sounds like you’re describing a uni housemate.
why doesn’t your husband see you’re struggling and just buy all the groceries so you both can enjoy nice things ?

What a miserable way to live. Why are you kindly asking him, are you scared of him?

How very strange!!!!! I cannot imagine living like this. You are a couple, not housemates

Apt user name! Jesus, its not that weird to be up late or not be able to sleep, make a drink and a snack. Eating disorder? Bit much based on what the op has written.

Sounds like you live in a student house not with your husband. I'm all for being financially independent but this is taking it to the extreme.

The OP is implying that he is eating a load of biscuits in the middle of the night. To me that is not normal - 1 or 2 fine - but a whole load is not healthy. He could have an eating disorder for all we know. We have been given very little information so different perspectives will be drawn.

This is not a marriage.

Gosh, I think your domestic life needs to be waaay more integrated. You will be wanting to have children with your husband, in all likelihood, and this really isn't a foundation for that.

It's not just the cost though, it's the inconvenience of making a plan for lunches and someone else creating more work by snaffling half the stuff and then you have to discover it and buy more. The person helping themselves to stuff earmarked for a particular use should check with you first and replace it themselves if required, not leave you with the problem. That's not controlling, it's mutual courtesy between partners.

In our house things I buy for packed lunches is off limits. You can ask and if there is enough to spare I'll say fine. But don't leave me in the position of having to rush out to Tesco Express on Sunday evening because some thoughtless twerp has scoffed all the ham I only bought with the main shop yesterday.

There's nothing wrong with having at least some separate food. Some couples have vastly different tastes/dietary needs.

He knew they were yours as he asked permission to eat one. So you're completely reasonable to say 'please don't eat all my choc bars in the night without telling me! You know they're for my lunches. If you want them I'll buy bigger packs or you buy them too. But for now can you replace the ones you ate please?'

I can’t see what about this is petty?

YABU to have a marriage like this! You sound like housemates.

Sounds like a very bleak way to share a life with someone.

Tell him of course he can eat your chocolate bars he’s your husband and you love him but remind him that the reason that you buy the chocolate bar is as a component to your pack lunch because you’re on a very strict budget and explain to him that because this is challenging,it would be nice if he treated you by buying you some chocolate bars in return or perhaps going one better than that and helping you out above and beyond this.

Not petty at all! Going against the grain, we live in a very similar way to you, op, as we eat very different things and come in at different times in the evening so rarely eat together. Married for 20 years next year- works well for us!

I think much of this is about your debt, how you got into it, how much it is etc, as I don’t automatically think, as others do, if one gets into debt the other has to support them, sure if it’s for joint things but not for something that was solely fhem, then I’d fully advise seperate finances until they were fiscally responsible

on sayinf that it must be very bad for you indeed when it comes down to a chocolate bar you can’t afford to replace, and I find the situation you don’t eat together or shop together very odd,

Was it petty of me to kindly let him know I'd like to keep them for work, but that i can buy us a larger pack to split between us?

And also

He understood

I can't for the life of me fathom why you started a thread about it then?

This is really odd. My partner and I (not married, mostly separate finances) wouldn't ever see the other in debt and struggling if they could afford to either pay off or ease other expenses.

You sound like roommates.

Me and my husband have a joint account and separate accounts and we both do our own grocery shopping. We have completely differing diets and I am only safe from him taking my chocolate cos he's one of those "keep chocolate in the fridge weirdos" lol
However, if one of us was struggling financially I'm sure we would come together to work on a joint plan. It might be worth addressing that together if you haven't already.
And if you are part of a relationship together you should be able to say hands off my twix or shall we share a bigger pack of mars bars etc without worrying about it.

I have questions:

• Why do you and your husband not eat together?
• Why is your husband eating chocolate bars in the night?

If he really can’t be trusted to leave your chocolate bars alone then I guess you need to put them in a box and hide them somewhere. But I can’t help thinking you’ve got bigger problems than chocolate bars.