Was this petty of me?

What a weird way to be married!?

Do you have a husband or a roommate.

Your income is yours to share and your debts are yours to pay together. Why aren’t you pooling funds so you don’t live on the breadline rationing chocolates.

Surely if he knew you were having to ration to make things last he should be offering to pay more to the household…does he have savings?

I cannot understand why two people who are married would ever have a different standard of living, it is bizarre

Nope I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all.
I’ve hidden food before from my other half and older children because they’d eat 2 or 3 packets of crisps at a time which leaves me going to the local (more expensive) convenience store during the week for the younger kids packed lunches.
I’m not sure my relationship is one to set standards by though 😂😂

I'm glad you’ve told him, even if it is just a little niggly thing. I’m also glad he listened.
maybe if my family listened, I wouldn’t have to hide food in my own house 😂

So that OP could tell us about her bonkers living arrangement

But do you both have a similar standard of living or is one of you rationing food because they’re paying debts while the other isn’t?

Pretty sure the other way round most of the posts would be “his debt his problem” and not berating a female for not treating him more “letting him suffer”

I have this with my son. Essentially he can eat all of the chicken snacks I get while I’m dieting as long as he leaves one and lets me or his dad know that we are down to one so I can replace them. They’re mine, but not exclusively, I just need to know so I don’t get left without when I might need them to stop me picking up something unhealthy

Jesus. Are you sure you are old enough to be married? This sounds like flatmates at college.. What a miserable way to live.

get some more with a label saying 'for the greedy cheapskate cunt'

Worked for me at uni years ago 😂

Is it petty not to want the food you've bought for a specific purpose eaten, so its then not available for that purpose? No. Its very annoying when people do that as it causes the inconvenience of replacing it.
Is the context in which you're asking the question petty? Yes. A married couple who keep their finances so seperate that even the food in their shared cupboard belongs exclusively to one of them are living in a way that makes pettiness inevitable.

But why on earth is only one of you sticking to a budget? Surely you should be pooling all your money and cutting back together if that's really necessary. Why isn't your DH supporting you financially if he has more money?

How come you are the only one paying off the debt? Were you honestly the only person to spend that money and to benefit from it?

As far as the chocolate is concerned, I completely see your point about wanting to keep certain things for yourself - he's like the guys who eat the food for their children's packed lunches. He needs to buy his own.

I agree with others that this doesn't sound like a normal marriage, I think it is sad you are struggling whilst he is not ( how can a married couple can live in two different financial universes, I do not understand). I understand that if you are on a very tight budget this is annoying though, cannot you maybe a pack of chocolate bars and leave them at work? As they are for your packed lunch anyway...

Yes. Who wants to ask to eat anything in their own home? I don’t get the separate food thing. Yes you might like different things but there must be some overlap.

Did you mean to type ‘husband’ because frankly it reads like you mean ‘housemate’.

You have totally separate finances, buy separate food and have to ask each other if you can eat it? Do you also write your names on your respective pints of milk?

I don’t have a joint account with my DP but we would never live like this!

keep it in your desk drawer or locker at work. That sort of thing annoys me because I hate shopping/ going into shops and if I’ve brought exactly the right amount of something someone else taking it throws me.

Asking him not to eat all of something you have bought for a specific meal or to last the week - not petty.

Supplying more to share - not petty.

If you'd hidden them at work, without saying something, that would be petty.

But why is he eating your treats, when you're on a budget and he isn't?

Why can't he just buy chocolate for both of you?

But if he earns more and doesn't have to worry about budgeting, why can't he buy his own packet or, better still, buy the bigger packet for you both to share? Why is it down to you, the lower earner with debt, to financially cover his wants?

I doubt half your budget went because of him eating chocolate. Your relationship is weird

I assume OP describes it as "her debt" because she's run it up on stuff just for her. So fine.

The debt is irrelevant to this post anyway. The key point is if OP buys something to put in a week's worth of her packed lunches, then there's no issue with her asking DH not to touch them, or to buy a bigger packet. I don't see this as any different from saying "don't touch the chicken in the fridge because it's for dinner tonight". Food that is earmarked for a particular purpose isnt' up for general grabs.

@Woofy12
You've debt?
And I don't know what for or how
But DH knows this as you both live like lodgers?
It's great you're trying to clear it
But honestly
There's something icky about this all
I mean,
Is it him selfishly taking chocolate off his wife who's having to watch every penny in a circumstance he seems wilfully oblivious to
When he could it seems easily buy his own?
Or
The fact its a much deeper problem and he's married to someone whom he doesn't actually respect/like whilst watching them struggle because if he did he may've enquired if nothing else about how you're actually coping and the amount owed?.
Possibly??
In "Sickness and in Health" right???

I would take the chocolate bars to work and leave them there if it was me.

Madness. Buy more chocolate what a ridiculous situation.

What an interesting domestic life you lead :-).

Eh?

What an unpleasant pseudo relationship.