Family Christmas and spending different amounts on children

I would just tell them to come later after presents.

Given their ages that seems a bizarre request.

What normally happens at Christmas? If your kids are all teenagers, why hasn’t this ever been an issue before?

If it hasn’t been an issue because you’re not normally together for present opening, then don’t start it now. Guests can arrive at lunchtime on the 25th.

The ‘kids’ aren’t tiny children (or even children really!) so I can’t see the issue here. But if you are all the type to compare and judge either way then I’d just do gifts separately. Surely everyone is too old to sit around opening piles of gifts for ages anyway?

I think it depends on how big the disparity is.
My family had one particular branch that was not well off compared to the rest and even with older teens I think one set opening expensive electronics while the other gets some shampoo and a few magazines is not really kind.
Maybe do presents separately if it’s likely to be an issue

Then say you’ll see them at another time. I wouldn’t moderate what I buy my children to match someone else’s expectations, why should you?
If you really want them to come then you could say you were moderating and then give the ‘extra’ gifts either before they arrive or after they’ve gone.

Honestly if they were 5 I would agree - how come santa can bring a games console for timmy but a teddy for me sort of thing - but older teenagers - nah your sister is being weird and controlling.

(Out of curiosity what on earth are you finding to buy for your adult children though??? My son is 19 and so far ive managed a book and a tshirt - if he wants something these days he buys it for himself)

Tell them to come after presents have been opened. You're already hosting for a long time, and she's being absolutely ridiculous.

If one family is really struggling, I do think it's a bit off to have one set of kids opening the brand new iPhone when the others are opening present of some new PJs and some makeup. It just feels a bit off and rubbing it in their face.
But if we are talking the difference of about 50 quid then it's not worth agonising over. So it kind of depends how much.
You can always give remaining gifts separately or afterwards. In fact it may be best to just do gifts separately or just 1 present together

Your suggestion for xmas day afternoon is the way forward. But I'm a bit flabbergasted at this request because at the ages you're talking about, the kids should understand differences like this. Although it might sometimes be a bit tricky to manage emotions like jealousy and envy as a teenager talking, through these scenarios and finding reasonable responses is part if parenting. A couple of dd's friends have large families that give cash gifts at xmas (and make xmas in general more fun and frenetic) so we had a year if lamenting the lack of relatives. But we talked around it. It's no longer a thing. Families and peoples circumstances come in different flavours part of growing up to become a balanced adult is too understand that that's fine and jealousy and envy are not (mostly) helpful emotions.

I’m just amazed that you have a house big enough to hold 14 people in for several days!

Yeh if the kids were young and going to be sad that Santa brought more for one than the other I can see how this would cause upset. But given your children are all older and know where the gifts are coming from I shouldn’t have thought it was a problem!

Why don’t you all do secret Santa this year? One present each. You’re all grown ups bar the 14 yo, but even that one knows there is no Santa.

Have you got more than one living area, you could all do family presents separately. My in-laws normally do this- one set in the lounge, one in the drawing room and one in the kitchen and one in the annexe front room- but often there was 25+ for Christmas day, and various groups would do gift giving at various times together- siblings, cousins, family groups etc ...

I think it would depend on why there's a disparity and what the items are. I'd possibly consider doing a second present haul once they've left if I was warning 6 figures and they'd just lost their job and I knew the kdis were getting a tenner each. Or I'd try and bulk up a few of what I get the niblings to bolster it. But if it's just different beliefs on this kind of thing it's harder.
You don't sound like you like her much. Your first response isn't to try and talk it's out, it's to get her to not come.

I expected your children to be primary school age from her message! What are you buying them that she's seemingly jealous of, rolexs?

I was expecting much younger ages based on your sister's request. I would have thought her children would be easily able to understand about budget differences.

I did vote YANBU. However, your children equally are old enough that you could consider explaining the situation to them and keeping back gifts for later on so they all get the same number at opening time without making a big deal about it.

I think you should go along with this. How would you feel if it was the other way round. You could give your family extra presents before they arrive

You don't sound like you like her much. Your first response isn't to try and talk it's out, it's to get her to not come.

I understand OP. Why should the sister get to decide how OP does Christmas at her house, and what she buys for her family members? It's unreasonable. She can arrive later if there's an issue.

@SheKnowsBall YABU
Your children are old enough to not believe in Father Christmas. Surely you can explain to them that since you are the wealthier ones you don't want to rub cousins noses in that so they will get some of their gifts beforehand? That is if it's really a flagrant disparity. Your children are old enough to have empathy and frankly so are you.

That sounds miserable sorry, even for the adults, let alone the teenagers. I understand that for some people, getting one gift is normal but why should a whole family change the way they gift their children just because another adult doesn't like it. Part of my enjoyment at Christmas is choosing and buying gifts for DC.