Becoming judgemental as I age

I don’t know but, funnily enough, I was going to post something similar - I just didn’t know how to word it without sounding like an arsehole 😂

Haha snap! If you’re in my circle then you still get that version of me but I’ve spent too much time and energy on jobs and people who have given me nothing back to keep putting it out there for all and sundry. I think the most important thing is to look after yourself and put that time and energy into you and then when you choose to be benevolent to others they are getting the best version of you and not a worn out husk.

I think it’s normal at this stage in life for the rose tinted glasses to drop off.
Life experience jades the naive views of youth.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having an opinion. However you need to develop skills to cope with unpopular views.

I agree. I think we are idealistic when we are young and more likely to believe the best about people. As we get older and experience more of life, we see more people making terrible decisions, being selfish and just realise that lots of people are inherently flawed and not very nice people. I believe it's why there is a general political trend of people becoming more right wing.

Can I just say that I have become the opposite. I have fewer shits to give about what anyone else does or says. I’m very happy just floating along on my little bubble of Pollyanna optimism. I certainly avoid people or situations that I know will wind me up. Because I don’t care enough to bother with them.

As for becoming more right wing @Itchthescratch, I’m going the other way, approaching my 60th.

I wouldn’t say judgemental exactly, but I’ve noticed that I really don’t care about other people’s lives. Renovations, kid’s, what non-sense partner’s or relatives have done, arguments with friends, holiday….
I just don’t want to hear anything anymore.

I don’t mean in a way that I hope anyone to be unhappy or anything like that, everything is just so repetitive and there’s no point of giving advice cause usually they do the opposite anyway…..

I do my best while listening but stay silent and hope they’ll stop soon.

Everyone is inherently flawed... that aside, why would there be a swing to the right now specifically, if it's connected to women reaching their mid-late forties? That's not logical. Unless you mean there are more women reaching that age now than in previous years. I think the boomers were a bigger generation - there isn't an upswing of women our age right now.

There is a general upswing of people becoming more right wing because of populism, a seismic generational decline in living standards, widespread online misinformation, a move from professional journalism to free-for-all rage bait bullshit, and very, very powerful people stoking the flames of facism and fear. Oh, and look out for the subcontracting out of brain taxing tasks, which will only make us dumber and more susceptible to this poison. People are people. We're a dreadful species. Awful, and wonderful, and just incredibly good, often completely altruistically. At this age, THAT is my understanding of humans. I expect them to astound me, for good and bad, and they still do.

Honestly my experience has been the total opposite, but I was quite a judgey little cow in my twenties!

I am mid forties and far more understanding of people’s follies and foolishness.

Yes, I get worse as I get older. I think it's because the world is changing and I'm now behind the times.

I’m much more entrenched in my increasingly left wing views. I want the super rich (Musk, Bezos etc) to be properly taxed.

And I give no shits what others think (peri)

I was going to say exactly the same. Couldn't care less and still believe people are, on the whole, overwhelmingly good. Yes, some of them may have views that are alien to me and make decisions I would not make but so what. I accept that there may be a good reason behind their views and decisions. And, either way, it is none of my business.
Life is definitely much easier when you don't sweat the small stuff.

You’re completely normal, OP. The scales are falling from your eyes.

I was a typical Guardian reading pinko liberal leftie for decades. Now, older wiser & more cynical, I realise my previous views were naive idealism at best and dogmatic ideological delusion at worst. I call this process being ‘mugged by reality’. I’m now old, jaded & cynical. This suits my basic personality much better.

I was brought up by very judgemental parents (products of their 1950s upbringing with their Victorian grandparents living close by.)

Lately I have been thinking that is not such a bad thing.

Having a strict moral compass, automatically knowing right from wrong (and that more than 2 biscuits is greedy!) gives you a lot of security.

If society judged more harshly we’d see less of the frankly terrible behaviour that we are seeing from a lot of men currently - I’m thinking of men who father children and then aren’t around for them.

If you still had to get married before having children, maybe that would concentrate their minds.

I find I'm more chilled out and anything goes.

But I also have a little voice inside (that never gets spoken out loud) that says stuff like "look at the state of her" or "he's really fat and hairy" or whatever. That voice is getting more frequent.

My concern with this is that my internal filter is still on. I have these thoughts but don't voice them. But I've known people with dementia who lost that filter. Will I? Will I become that awful old lady who everyone hates because she's so judgemental?!

This is my experience too. I’m in my 50s, and have, if anything, become far more understanding of other people’s frailties and compromises. Life is tough. Sometimes we don’t appear to best effect.

I'm less tolerant of, well, everything. I've stopped fighting it as I really can't be bothered anymore and my filter vanished with menopause. Fortunately my ability to care about that has also vanished.

However, if people do stupid shit, are incompetent, inconsiderate or ill-mannered, why should they not be pulled up on it? I would expect the same. No one is perfect, including me.

As for becoming more right wing , I’m going the other way, approaching my 60th

I'm 60 and have always been left of centre. However, aspects of the Left repel me. Such as insisting a man can become a woman and barge over our sex based rights. I also think illegal migration should be dealt with strictly and the rise of Islam curbed.

I don't think that makes me judgemental, just pragmatic. I don't want women's safety to be compromised and I want to live in a liberal democracy.

I think the person you're replying to means that people tend to become more right-wing as they get older, which has been the case for as long as I can remember.

YANBU

As you get older, you have seen patterns of behaviour over and over again and it is not unreasonable to judge situations, because experience tells you the likelhood of what is really true.

The trick is to keep in mind there is always the chance of an exception to the rule.

I am much less judgemental as I age. I really couldnt care less about irrelevant things others do.

I definitely think its a stress response, being s sen mum is unrelenting intensity that no-one can really appreciate unless in your shoes

perimenopause with your own ND is a massive head fuck of emotion

be kind to yourself

Same with me. In my youth I was a right little know it all & thought I knew best about everything. I now know we are all muddling through life equally clueless and I am far more likely to grant grace than to judge.

I'm not at all cynical. I truly believe most (but not all) people are good kind people. I meet people from all walks of life, in their most vulnerable moments, with all sorts of political viewpoints and world views.

I do think there is an element of having life experience when you get older. It then becomes frustrating to see people make the same poor decisions or life choices. It can feel like society is going backwards or people aren't learning. Of course, young people don't have that life experience yet.

I think I can be judgy about people making ridiculous lifestyle choices, or decisions where they make their situation worse. Why do people still smoke in 2026? I don't judge people who are overweight or obese if they eat a relatively healthy diet, exercise well, or have a disability, medication issues etc. I know through personal experience that you can make the right choices, but your genes/make up/health problems/disability will mean you put on weight and can't help it.

I do judge people who are really really obese and choose to eat processed junk food, massive portions, take aways etc, all while not doing any exercise, smoking and drinking too much.

I am also intolerant of people with personality issues who seem to thrive on and/or create drama. I just don't have people like that in my life. They are toxic and unhealthy.

I think the problem is that the definition of left has changed from championing working class people and genuine social problems towards obsession with whatever is the latest pet cause of the London middle class chattering classes and the Guardian has done exactly the same.

I am still left wing but traditional left, not the sort who find ordinary British people too boring to represent anymore.