Becoming judgemental as I age

Haha yeah I would be all snotty and snooty (inwardly anyway) about things but life isn’t that simple, is it? And I also understand how often one bad choice or decision can lead to another and another and then it’s all a bit of a tangled web that it’s impossible to get out of. And while I think it’s becoming overused to the point of being meaningless I also understand ADHD and autism can cause a lot of issues as well.

Isn't it down to the loss of female hormones and the increase in testosterone? This gives rise to not actually caring. I care far less now about other people in so far as I have less interest in them. I’m not interested in someone’s children or pets. I only like exceptionally well behaved dogs which are few and far between. I’m not remotely interested in babies or how many grandchildren someone has. Your child has had sex, well done, who cares?
I care about the people I love and like. That includes family and friends.
I am more right wing now.
I feel lots of people are responsible for their own downfall.
Stop expecting others to fund your bad choices.
I like privacy , but then again I always have.
I hate having anyone in my personal space.
Ring doorbells were a great invention, no I’m not opening the door to randomers. No, I’m not answering the roof to trick or treaters.
I’ve done all that.
Maybe it’s just different life stages.

I'm in my 60s and fighting a rearguard action against my own brain.

My mind is starting to find the world a scary place; mostly because new technologies and systems are constantly being brought into use, new laws, new regulations - all things I am expected to comply with without having the mental processing speed to be able to absorb, rationalise and practice.

Which means that I want to stick with the things I understand and am comfortable with, added to the fact that other people tend to get impatient with older people taking longer to absorb new ways of doing stuff. But if you've spent the last fifteen years doing something one way and someone suddenly comes in and says 'no, no, we don't do that now, we do....' and rattles off a list of instructions you can't hope to keep up with, it can be scary.

So I am trying to stay current but I fear I am failing.

Sadly there is no increase in testosterone in menopause. Quite the opposite in fact!

Im the opposite. I am more interested in other people. Enjoy meeting new people and trying new things. I’ve loved my fifties. It’s been a real period of growth for me. Maybe the noise of my hormones switching off has allowed me to be calmer and more centred and think about other things.

I don’t know why being judgey is necessarily a bad thing? I hold myself to high standards of moral behaviour and I expect it from other people.

As I’ve aged I realise to err is human so I tend to judge people’s intentions rather than their actions. Especially when you’ve worked and socialised with people over the years who fool everyone because they appear charming on the surface but you know they’re actually not good people.

What being judgey means is that I only surround myself with decent people, reasonable, measured opinions and strong personal boundaries. It’s a protective mechanism. I’m all for it - wish more people were more judgey and less accepting of chaotic and uncivilised society.

I'm the opposite and am more sympathetic and patient. Though clear idiots get short shrift.

Interestingly, I think it’s actually only been true for about a generation! I.e. past generations voted consistently in line with work / social class contexts throughout their lives.

AND the evidence is that it’s becoming less true that people get more right wing as they age once again. Millennials aren’t getting the same economic stakes in the system (home ownership etc) as the generation before them; I think traditional shifts to the right have gone along with gaining wealth (so self interest rather than increased wisdom!) so that will change.

Im more tolerant with some and less so with others - i certainly have more balanced opinions which come with life experience but I still can’t tolerate some of the hate that spews from the mouths of many people my age and I’m very happy to let people know that
Less judgemental more informed I’d say .

IRL I say a lot less than I used to, offer fewer opinions and am very non committal. So much appears to have the capacity to offend someone and I really can't be bothered.

I don't think I hold any radical or particularly controversial points of view but people seem to jump down your throat if you disagree with them.

"my work colleagues who aren't efficient and so I end up doing extra."

That's your manager's fault.

As someone said earlier, I've grown more open minded and tolerate of some and less of others. Actions speak louder than words.

I'm also AuDHD. I feel like I've been through the wringer at this point (I'm 43). I just want my peace.

There is research on this, there is a tendency to become less optimistic etc., but you can fight it by challenging your own negative thoughts.

Ooh I'm going off topic here but I'm afraid this kind of statement really riles me - I mean technically you're correct I guess, but as both a worker and a manager, it's a very hard one to address! You can't wave a magic wand and make someone more efficient, sadly.

Maybe it's time for job change? Or not doing as much of the extra work? Pick your battles.

I think judging others is (or can be) a bad thing when it comes purely with judgement and without any understanding or recognition of why those things may have happened.

I see a lot of judgement about poor parenting but I don’t see it tempered with any understanding and that’s a bad combination.

Me too at 56. 'Do what you will but harm none'.

Yes, science verifies the trend.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0261379422000452

Just roll with it OP there's a lot of morons about to be judgemental about!

It's down to your manager to share the workload equally.

Sorry, not necessarily equally, but fairly.

It is called wisdom and really not caring if others do not like your opinions. It’s wonderfully liberating.

as long as you are not being a complete arsehole or being gratuitously offensive you are entitled to your opinions.

as a society we seemed to have reached the stage where only the opinions of the “be kind” brigade are acceptable and many are bullied into silence by this. Ironically this brigade are often the most unkind and destructive people imaginable.

so embrace your opinion, keep an open mind but never be afraid to change it.

Well, doesn’t that depend if you’re not tolerating injustice and going on protest marches, or whether, like a current thread on here, you are irritated enough by watching a student buy a plastic bag at a supermarket to start a thread on Mn fulminating that they should have known about bag charges, which have been in place for many years? One is good ‘intolerance’. The other is completely unproductive and just suggests someone in a permanent state of high irritation.

Yep, I'm 56 and I'm like this.

I didn't think about politics too much when I was younger, I was too busy having fun and then raising a family.

I am now pretty far right. I think this comes after decades of seeing injustices. You become jaded and more short tempered. You've seen it all, and then some.

Illegal immigration - I would not allow even 1 in the Country

Rapists and Murderers - death penalty

Prison sentences - you must serve your whole tariff

Trans "women" in sports - fuck off, no

Men in women's bathrooms - fuck off, no

Judges who give too lenient sentences - strike them off

Non binary clap trap - translated : "Look at meeee"

If a burglar gets hurt when he's robbing someone - FAFO

Anxiety - do you have "anxiety" or are you anxious about this one thing?

Constant chatter about Mental Health - Of course some people are unwell, but I'm sure some people use this as a "get out of jail free card" when they just want to be lazy. Can't say that though, oh no!

Multiculturalism - doesn't work. They don't want our ways and we don't want theirs. Stop trying to force people to live together when their ideals clash, it doesn't fucking work. It's like trying to make dogs and cats mate.

I have many more. I do many, many eye rolls, every single day.

I have become more confident and happy in myself as I have grown older.

That also means I have no time for toxic people and poor behaviour in general in my life.

I was raised by controlling and abusive parents to be a quiet and meek as a mouse and a complete people pleaser which did me a lot of harm when I became an adult.

Thankfully as I aged I was able to stop these patterns and stand up for myself.

I also have no patience for men's bullshit anymore and no longer seek their approval.

I became more radical in my thinking from my 40s onwards. I was always a 'lefty' but I am so much more interested in feminism, green issues and social equality issues now that I have had a lot of life experience and see the world as it really is.

Basically I don't think it is being 'judgemental' OP, it is more about being able to care less about what other people thinks and question the many expectations and limitations that are put on women and refusing to be 'nice' and a doormat anymore.

I am 55 now and I just ignore all this 'cancel' culture and wanting to suppress free speech rather than debate issues. Basically as far as I am concerned people are allowed to have different opinions from mine but I also give myself the right to tell them to F off if I disagree.

No I don’t think it is something thay just happens, I’m 57 and I don’t think this way, I don’t beleive in be kind and am straight talking, but I’m not intolerant and don’t think mean things about people.

my sil does, in fact I think she enjoys it.