AIBU to think my husband's ex needs to accept the divorce and move on ?

My dad left his previous wife when he was in his 40s, he wasn't happy in the marriage so left then met my mother 11 years later. There was never any bad blood between my father and his ex wife (my siblings mum) no infidelity. I do not know where this universal law came about, regarding men in their 40s. Choosing to divorce has nothing to do with age in my view, anyone can divorce if they are not happy, I left my first husband because I wasn't happy, my older brother left his wife because he wasn't happy and has since remarried. It is life people realise they want different things no one has to stay married for the sake of it, its not a dictatorship people have a choice to leave when they do not want to stay.

It is quite odd that this the first thing that comes to mind. I do not think money is his exes worry, she earns more than him and has more money than his anyway, majority of his children's inheritances will be from the mothers side. They have nothing to worry about my child will not 'steal' from them.

Not necessarily I do not expect her to have anything to do with my child. I do however just think it is confusing to say to someone 'why are you doing this to me' etc by having a child, the child is not going to take anything away from her, they are no longer together, he is still very much involved with his children and co parenting. That is all I am trying to understand because they have been divorced a long time its not like they got divorced yesterday or last year or the year before its been a while now. I just thought one would be happy for someone, I am happy for my ex husband that he has found someone he is happy with, life moves on I cherish the time we had and that is all. It is not as though he has abandoned her and their children he simply just decided the marriage wasn't for him, tried counselling with her and that solidified his decision that he will be happier outside the marriage and the children will ultimately grow up happier other than in a household where the father is unhappy.

I do not expect any sort of relationship from her, we are very different people I do not want one big family her children are her and my husband's children, they do not come here for Christmas they come for boxing day etc, everything is divided equally in terms of the time each one spends with the children.

The inheritance will be fine. Her side of the family is considerably wealthier than my husband and his family combined, and my child obviously isn’t entitled to anything from their half siblings’ mother’s side of the family anyway.
And I wouldn’t say he left her for me? They divorced years before I ever met him he didn’t even know I existed when their marriage ended. Our relationship came much later so I don’t think it’s fair to frame their divorce as something he did in order to be with me.

I do not see any issue with me being younger than him, it is only 10 years that's hardly anything at this stage in our lives its not as though we met and I was in my 20s and he was in his 40s. I met him in my my mid 30s. and he was in his mid 40s.

I agree and that is why I can recognise that sometimes marriages do not work out I to have been divorced and know how painful that is luckily for us no children were involved. For me my marriage is not a dictatorship if he is unhappy he is able to leave all I wouldn't want to be with someone who is unhappy with me just for the sake of keeping the marriage.

The ages have been changed on here. I mentioned at the start that ages of children as they have not consented to be on a public forum have been slightly chnaged.

WOW! I thought my father had lots aha. We do not plan to have anymore children and that will not change for me at least. If he desires more children he is free to find another wife

I agree that she’s allowed to be hurt, and I’ve never said otherwise. I think where I struggle is with the idea that leaving a marriage necessarily means he has done something morally wrong simply because he broke his vows. Marriage is a commitment but it isn’t a lifetime obligation to remain in a relationship regardless of how unhappy you become, in my view at least. I do not believe anyone is obligated to stay with someone even if you are married, we are married but also if he was unhappy or I was either of us is free to leave the marriage, if you love someone surely their happiness is important regardless of how tough it is. No sane person in the marriage goes into it wanting to later divorce

There seems to be a universal view on here that I’ve somehow missed, which is that if you get married, divorce and then move on, you’re somehow a bad person who shouldn’t have remarried. I genuinely don’t understand that. People should be allowed to leave any relationships they’re unhappy in. People change, circumstances change and sometimes two people simply end up wanting different things further down the line. That doesn’t necessarily make either person a bad person and it certainly doesn’t mean they should be expected to stay single forever afterwards. Life goes on. I don’t believe being divorced is a character flaw, and I don’t think someone being divorced should define the rest of their life.

That is a shame I can understand why that experience would make you wary, particularly for your daughter’s sake. Relationships do change though, and I think that’s one of the difficult realities of blended families. I have made the effort with my husband's children but there is also boundaries, they are his children not mine and I am aware marriages can fail that is just life.

I do have the means to look after my own child and my own village that doesn't include my husband but I’m not expecting anyone else to take responsibility for them. If he chooses to leave that is well and truly up to him, I am not going to force someone to be in a situation they are unhappy with, so far we are happy but both aware things change. And I’m certainly not assuming that relationships will always stay the same people can become closer, drift apart, relationships end and circumstances change. I think all we can really do is try to handle those changes as kindly and responsibly as possible.

I also don’t subscribe to the idea that people should remain in unhappy marriages simply to avoid the possibility of upsetting the family further down the line. If a relationship is no longer working people are allowed to leave and particularly where there is infidelity. So if there was infidelity that is up to him all that would matter in the divorce is my child being considered and having a relationship with their father. I don’t think anyone can guarantee that every relationship will last forever.

As far as I can see he is still their father and is still very much involved in their lives. His ex wife doesn't need to have anything to do with our child ? no one is expecting her to do any baby sitting or anything if you are inferring to inheritances I have explained the family dynamic, Dh and I have pennies compared to the ex wife and my child would not be entitled to it obviously only her 3 children.