AIBU to ignore an old friend asking for financial help?

If you don't want to get sucked back in don't reply, once you start a dialogue it's much more difficult to stop it. You don't need or want her in your life.

I opened this thread thinking she was asking for £50-100.

Now way would I ever give anyone thousands of pounds!

I wouldn't even dream of asking either if it were me.

Block and move on.

She doesn’t need that much deposit. She can use a deposit replacement scheme. It’s one week’s rent and is non refundable.

It’s very hard to leave your abuser. I’ve seen it with 2 of my dd’s friends and they’re only 18. One of the guys was an absolute mind fuck and he still is able to summon her for sex and she obeys.

Equally, I can very easily see how you’d reach the end ouf your tether. And you have to look after you.

There's a chance it could be a ruse, a scam, she's being coerced by him to ask or she really has left and is in dire straights.

I guess if I did share a lot of positive memories of our relationship I'd probably call her and try and talk. But I wouldn't give her any money unless I literally wanted to give a gift and I didn't care where it ended up.

It's been 6 years now since you had contact, you barely know her now as a friend. I wouldn't.

Did she ask to borrow or just straight up asked you to give the money? Did she even ask after you or apologise for what she put you through for years?

She is only contacting you because as you said, you can afford it, if you were broke she wouldn't bother, so for that reason I would not reply at all, cheeky cow.

You would never see the money again and it would open the door to more asking for help.
As she has not been touch much, if at all over the last few years I would perhaps tell her by email (don't meet up,tears etc)
you are not in a position to help and block her.

You don’t lend someone like this money. You give it or you don’t, but you don’t ever call it a loan. Only you can know if you want to do that or not.

If she’s now homeless with her dcs in a shelter, she’d be better off not going into private rental but trying to get social housing. Her poor kids have probably been through a lot already.

I’ve been there too. Oh the amount of energy I sunk into that situation talking to her A LOT every time she would leave him/escape for her to go back and act like the horrible stuff never happened. I would never do it again. I am still in touch with that person (we are not close) and any time she mentions him or their relationship I completely blank it and I genuinely just don’t care. I wish I never made the mistake of putting energy into that rubbish in the first place.

in terms of your situation, I suggest you ignore. It’s simply none of your business. Put your energy into your kids and husband instead, make them a lovely meal.

Absolutely no! The cheek of her after all the support you gave her and she stayed with her partner, you haven’t seen her for all this time and now she wants money, talk about taking the piss. Say no I’m not in a position to, please don’t ask me again, then block her.

Wow that’s shocking she asked, of course you canr give her money. It will never end, she will be back for more.

id respond and say no, please don’t contact me again and block her, or just block her,

This 👆

I don’t think you should give her the money and you should not feel guilty about it. You were there for her for a long time and supported her a huge amount, when many may have walked away sooner. I fear if you give her this money, it will open the door to you being back in that draining supporting role, but this time also being a cash dispenser. Her financial needs may well be very real and I imagine if she was to ask for further funds there would be good reason (assuming there is nothing else driving any such requests), but this is not your responsibility and you need to protect your own mental health and being there for your family. It sounds like the relationship was pretty one sided in terms of support and her getting in touch is to not to reignite a friendship after 6 years but to ask for money.

Say no but with softness to her request for money. If you lend, it won't end well. No one contacts someone out of the blue and asks for substantial money - at least they don't if they are a reliable friend. If you want to get involved with her, do so but unless she has changed her character substantially (unlikely) I suspect you will be disappointed and it might actually be easier for her and you if you say no with softness but firmness if that makes sense?

"Hi, sorry to hear that you're in a bit of a tight spot right now. I am not in a position to lend you the money but wish you all the best - I know it has been hard for you".

That's right, the OP would be very unlikely to get the money back so either give it or not.

Absolutely this.

I would either ignore, or reply wishing her well but saying no to helping out, either way I would block her. She will have other people to ask, she has managed without you for 6 years. You need to protect your MH and not allow yourself to be sucked back into the mire with her.

No. Block her. Put yourself first.

Nope. I probably wouldn't reply either, especially after 6 years no contact. If you respond, even to say no, you'll likely receive other requests, or be sucked in to whatever dramas are going on in her life. Keep quiet, don't respond. If necessary, block her.

No way would I reply. You’re not someone to be used when it’s convenient for her.

She was with an abusive partner for year's. She came to you several times telling you about what was going on and you were supportive then. You encouraged her to leave him and she refused to listen to any of your advice.

She has not been in contact with you for 6 years. She contacts you and tells you she has finally left him. She never asks how you are, what your doing ect but instead asks you for a deposit for her to get a house.

I would reply to her that unfortunately your not in a position to give her this money but that you wish her the best going forward.
After you send this message you can decide to block her or not.
You need to decide if you're willing to meet up with her and are you willing to be there like you were in the past for her and her problems.

If you lend her money, you will NEVER see it again. Ignore.

Good luck in getting a safe secure home soon.

@tommyhoundmumthank you.

I've been in many a hole in my life and wouldn't dream of asking actual blood relatives I don't speak to for help. I know we're all different but even if I heard my own bio dad won the lottery and I was homeless, I would remain that way .
I curse not being born with the CF gene 😩.