AIBU to ignore an old friend asking for financial help?

Just block her, and forget about it OP. You say that the situation affected your mental health previously, opening the door back up to this relationship, is asking for trouble. DON'T DO IT!

I assume money for deposit but still unreasonable demand of course

I get maybe asking for £10 for some food if you've no other choice but that sort of money is a very cheeky request and I think it says a lot about her character. Unless you're very obviously filthy rich 1K is a lot to stump up.

I'd probably reply with a firm no, no explanations, no doors left open - that way she doesn't convince herself (or genuinely believe) that you somehow missed the message or put it aside for later and forgot and keep following up which might be be more upsetting for you than shutting it down. (But if you genuinely can't even cope with a reply, there's no obligation.) And of course if she persists after you say no, block.

No, I wouldn’t give her the money. I have gifted money to friends for less urgent matters, but the key thing is they were my actual friends. It sounds like this person is more of a former friend and comes across a a bit of a user.

I had to cut ties with a few people who had violent or very jealous partners after I watched another friend of mine get punched by a mutual friends violent husband.

Now I get that it’s hard to leave these kind of relationships, but no way do I want to risk my own safety because of a decision they’ve been unable to take.

The point being is sometimes when you get involved you can endanger yourself and the same friend may just return to that same man and then the man sees you as the problem.

I have helped friends escape violent men but I’m careful about it as I don’t want to become their man’s next victim and then for them to go back to this man.

So in this case I would just signpost the woman to organisations that can help and wish her well.

Yes, she's asking you because her family members and people she's been in contact with over the last six years have all turned her down. Wish her well and leave it at that.

Absolutely not. She’s a user, and she has used you repeatedly before, with no regard for how her chaotic life was affecting you.

You have a settled life with your own family now. On no account would I even reply to her, I would just block and ignore. You know she will only bring chaos to your door again, and you will never get your money back if you did lend it to her. Lending money to friends always ends in tears in my experience.

Look after yourself and your own family and ignore her.

There’s help for things like this , a new initiative just started by the government , grants for up to a £1000 which I believe might help with things like this . To be eligible you have to be really broke .

She’s got some cheek asking so bluntly. I’d stay well clear as these patterns tend to be repeated unless you really take the time to tackle them. Can’t see what you’d get out of this tbh.

Or she has burnt through their goodwill and not paid back. How is she not blocked from before?

Well, quite.

Well I wouldn't say she stopped being friends with her because she was in an abusive relationship, more likely because she was being sucked into the dramas of her life.

To ignore her now isn't a punishment is it, it's avoiding being dragged back in , and basically she's only made contact because she wants something. And it's not even advice, it's money!!

It is extremely draining, especially when you have someone's best interests at heart.

For her to suddenly reappear now and ask for money is a bloody cheek, the nerve of it is astonishing.
Don't do it. You will fall into her black hole with her, but this time it will involve a substantial amount of money which I'm pretty sure nobody could afford to lose.

So basically she means she has left him for good but not yet because she wants a house deposit from you first...

I'm not sure I'd be able to block/ignore, but say "sorry, I can't help, but perhaps try Facebook or a freecycle group for stuff you need, and the council might be able to help with a deposit loan".

Polite, helpful but detached.

I know someone who was given (or maybe lent) a rental deposit by the council in similar circumstances. She earnt enough to rent privately, but abusive ex had taken all the savings so she couldn't pay deposit.

If you want to be helpful, you could sign post her to the council or Women's Aid. Otherwise I just wouldn't reply. I wouldn't give money to someone you haven't spoken to in that long.

If you give her money, even once, you are inviting her back into your life, as she will be constantly trying to tap you up for more!
whatever you do block and delete. You don’t want her back in your life and you need to be firm

Ignore message, block and delete her number.

Put yourself first, and look after your own mental health.

So she’s not a actually a friend, just someone who sees you as someone who gives her things.
The only person who would benefit in this situation, would be her. Exactly the same as before, you need to reserve your energy for yourself and family. You gave plenty to here previously and look how that turned out for you. I’d say your time helping her is over. She made her choice at the time and you both moved on.

Being a good person doesn’t mean you should open old wounds for her sake. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

It’s so cheeky of her to get in touch out of the blue to ask for money! Ignore her.

It says it all that she’s asked for money rather than get in touch to apologise for putting you through all that stress over the years. She hasn’t genuinely asked how you are or tried to repair the friendship in any way, just straight up “give me money”

She’s not a friend.

You’re not responsible for financially providing for her and her children even if you have bags of money going spare. If you feel like you want to do something, donate to a domestic abuse charity.

You have a few options that I can see

-Ignore message
-Reply that you are glad she has left him but can't help

This option I'd ONLY consider if you thought that YOU would get a great deal from re-kindling this relationship, although this doesn't seem to be the case
-Reply that you can't help financially but could meet for a coffee somewhere neutral for a catch up

I wouldn't be sending any money after 6yrs no contact and her draining you mentally. Surely shelter/womans aid/money from working or other support mechanisms are in place to support her with a deposit or council house?

If you want her to forever use you as a cash point, the go ahead.

I just can’t imagine asking someone I hadn’t spoken to in six years for a house deposit!!

I would be embarrassed asking for a tenner.

With my cynical hat on that is her testing the water and sounding you out. Next it will be an expensive repair with her car, she needs smart clothes for a new job, the kids need orthodontic work , the dog needs emergency vet treatment…..and not a penny will be repaid.

Call me an old cynic, but with her history can you be sure she's really leaving him?
You seem like a lovely, caring and generous person which is probably why she's coming to you for help. It sounds like you've done more than enough for her already.
I doubt she'd repay your money - or your kindness.

It won't stop there though. She'll probably want you to act as guarantor as well.

Agree with the suggestion of saying you wish her all the best, however you are unable to offer her any assistance.

No way!! I would block her so she can't ask you again.