Pure Cremation is body disposal right?

I too feel a bit unsure of the marketing of direct cremation as being the kindest and most loving, most selfless thing you can do for your family, freeing them from the expense and hassle of arranging a funeral. I can see that for some it is that, particularly where there are specific circumstances that makes a traditional funeral not possible or desirable, but in my personal experience of losing loved ones, the funeral part has always been very important as part of the grieving process - rituals and social customs, coming together to share memories and condolences etc is a important part of dealing with death and loss. Personally I think tradition, however illogical is actually really important at these times, the cultures that seem to have the healthiest attitudes to death and loss are those that are highly ritualised, sitting shiva in Jewish custom for instance. I think we haven't really worked out what the equivalent is for modern western post-religious death rituals - I don't think just shipping the body off for efficient, eco friendly and respectful disposal hits the emotional mark somehow.

I know, I know, you can still arrange a memorial service with a direct cremation, just without the coffin/physical presence of the deceased, but in the experience of people I know, this is actually quite a lot harder and more stressful than arranging a traditional funeral. There are so many more questions to be answered - when do you hold it for instance, great to have the immediate pressure off to not have to arrange really quickly after the death, but then do you want 6 months? A year? A family I know are still deep in bickering over their father's memorial nearly 2 years on and no-one can move on. Plus with the best will in the world everyone is going to be a bit 🤔 about a funeral so long after he actually died. Then, where is the appropriate venue for a memorial event? If not religious then you're looking at a village hall, a pub, a hotel conference room? Maybe I'm just an old stick but all feel a bit not quite right to me somehow. Also, how much of a party is appropriate to make it Vs a formal event with speeches, often the deceased would say they'd prefer more of a celebration, relaxed feel etc but without the framework of a ceremony and celebrant it can all just feels a bit flat or disorganised with no focus or opportunity to come together, people will just usually sit and chat quietly to the people they came with IME. And if you're into the territory of booking a full room of people with a ceremony or party afterwards with food and drink you've basically had as much hassle and expense of a traditional funeral.

Basically, if your primary objective is to make things as easy as possible for those left behind, by all means opt for a direct cremation but please do also consider leaving money and crucially, totally clear instructions to your loved ones around what kind of memorial you want too. And personally I think the easiest and overall probably cheapest thing to achieve that is a traditional cremation so that's what I've put in my own letter of wishes to my family, along with detailed instructions about music, flowers etc so they shouldn't have to think too much!

I have been a funeral celebrant in my time and I have been given tours of crematoria. There are very strict protocols about cremations. Each body is accompanied by forms from the undertaker and hospital and GP as necessary. Each body is cremated one at a time and the ashes raked out and stored with details of the deceased. Even during the cremation a card with the details is placed in a slot on the machine so that the operators know which body is being cremated.

When my brother died in 2024, I held a funeral ceremony for him for the family and friends with his coffin in a beautiful setting. We had music, readings and speeches from his son, our mum and my brothers. It was lovely. Then the undertakers took his coffin to the crematorium where he was directly cremated the following morning. His ashes were collected by his son a few days later.

Funerals are for the living and there is nothing stopping families from have a ceremony, whether religious or not, and then a direct cremation afterwards.

Yes you do

Might have done for you (and im glad for you), but it traumatised me and my siblings, made the grieving process much harder.

See, this is why I always find it odd that the dead person decides what happens after their death, when they are not the ones who experience it. The funeral is surely for the living to remember them/mourn them/say their goodbyes. Once someone is dead, why do they care what their funeral looks like? I think people should leave a sum of money (if they have it) to cover the costs of any funeral, and leave the decisions to the remaining family to decide whether they want a big funeral, a quiet celebration, or nothing at all. (Appreciate that wouldn't be practical if families can't agree...)

I too feel a bit unsure of the marketing of direct cremation as being the kindest and most loving, most selfless thing you can do for your family, freeing them from the expense and hassle of arranging a funeral. I can see that for some it is that, particularly where there are specific circumstances that makes a traditional funeral not possible or desirable, but in my personal experience of losing loved ones, the funeral part has always been very important as part of the grieving process - rituals and social customs, coming together to share memories and condolences etc is a important part of dealing with death and loss. Personally I think tradition, however illogical is actually really important at these times, the cultures that seem to have the healthiest attitudes to death and loss are those that are highly ritualised, sitting shiva in Jewish custom for instance. I think we haven't really worked out what the equivalent is for modern western post-religious death rituals - I don't think just shipping the body off for efficient, eco friendly and respectful disposal hits the emotional mark somehow.

I know, I know, you can still arrange a memorial service with a direct cremation, just without the coffin/physical presence of the deceased, but in the experience of people I know, this is actually quite a lot harder and more stressful than arranging a traditional funeral. There are so many more questions to be answered - when do you hold it for instance, great to have the immediate pressure off to not have to arrange really quickly after the death, but then do you want 6 months? A year? A family I know are still deep in bickering over their father's memorial nearly 2 years on and no-one can move on. Plus with the best will in the world everyone is going to be a bit 🤔 about a funeral so long after he actually died. Then, where is the appropriate venue for a memorial event? If not religious then you're looking at a village hall, a pub, a hotel conference room? Maybe I'm just an old stick but all feel a bit not quite right to me somehow. Also, how much of a party is appropriate to make it Vs a formal event with speeches, often the deceased would say they'd prefer more of a celebration, relaxed feel etc but without the framework of a ceremony and celebrant it can all just feels a bit flat or disorganised with no focus or opportunity to come together, people will just usually sit and chat quietly to the people they came with IME. And if you're into the territory of booking a full room of people with a ceremony or party afterwards with food and drink you've basically had as much hassle and expense of a traditional funeral.

Basically, if your primary objective is to make things as easy as possible for those left behind, by all means opt for a direct cremation but please do also consider leaving money and crucially, totally clear instructions to your loved ones around what kind of memorial you want too. And personally I think the easiest and overall probably cheapest thing to achieve that is a traditional cremation so that's what I've put in my own letter of wishes to my family, along with detailed instructions about music, flowers etc so they shouldn't have to think too much!