AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

Some teachers make a point of making positive calls sometimes so that the well behaved students don’t feel overlooked. In some classes, it becomes a real motivator and nice reward, e.g. which student will get the positive call on a Friday. Some schools have a policy for it, e.g. one positive call a week.

Comment on the student’s eyes does not sound appropriate, however, unless there’s a context we don’t know about. Example - child is crying because someone has made a nasty comment about their eyes, and the teacher says innocuously to reassure ‘Oh, how unpleasant. That’s not ok, and you’ve got lovely eyes.’ I wouldn’t do it myself, but have definitely come across lots of well-meaning but perhaps in today’s context ill-advised examples like this.

It does sound odd and very unprofessional.

I do it twice a week and email a bunch of others. Maybe it's your kid that may be an issue, but it's very frequent to ring parents to tell them about their children achievements in most schools I have worked at.

That being said, it is a bit of a strange remark, I dont think it has to be something super creepy off the bat, but Id definitely monitor.

My school has an internal policy we need to ring or email parents of a number of kids. I have been doing that since I started teaching 20+ years ago. You dont even have to be an overenthusiastic young person to do this, it's genuinely a thing we are told to build up good relationships with parents.

Havent bothered to read the updates, have you?

We’re told to do 3 “praise phone calls” per week. It’s not that unusual.

What fresh hell is this? 3 'praise' phone calls a week, and 'flattery' emails and the like.

Things have changed since mine were at school. - early 2010s. None of this was ever a thing - ever.

One woman on my Facebook page (lives in my village) has a son in secondary school who is 12. Yesterday she posted a photograph of a short handwritten letter/note that a teacher had sent 'Well done to Jayden for listening really well in science, he has been a really good boy today. All the best ... Mr Keaton.' with a gold star sticker on it like you'd give to a 5 year old.

This is the third thing like this that Jayden has had this term. (So in 3 weeks.)
It's so fucking weird. I'm cringing every time I see it. This shit (commenting on their work,) was always kept for end of term reports. Not a weekly note to the parents for them to photograph and put on bastard Facebook!

Why is this happening? Don't teachers have enough shit to deal with, and work to do, without this fucking nonsense?!

Yes it's weird. As someone who works in a school. If I witnessed a male teacher saying a child had nice eyes I'd report it.

Plenty of teachers do that at my DC's school (phone to sing praises). I think it's lovely that it's not just negative interactions.

When did this start though? Mine left early 2010s and this was never a thing then - or before - at any school I have ever know of.

What a waste of teacher/teaching resources!

Things have changed since mine were at school. - early 2010s. None of this was ever a thing - ever.

and

When did this start though? Mine left early 2010s and this was never a thing then - or before - at any school I have ever know of.

I had dc at secondary between 2005 and 2019
It was definitely a thing then.

#Newsflash# Different school have different policies and different cultures.

All schools are different. I used to work at a school where all phone calls had to go through a head of year or someone senior as staff randomly calling parents was causing problems (probably where the teacher was complaining about behaviour not praising but it was a blanket policy.)

I did my trainin in 2009 and it was already a thing.
And actually this is one of the few admin things I absolutely love doing, definitely not a waste of time. By the time I see parents for parent evening, a lot of them know me and we have a much more positive dialogue. Kids love receiving these. Plus often we get lovely emails back from parents.

Id much rather do this than filling in endless intervention, exam result analysis, lesson obs reflections, analysis of form group performance, reports of support I did with underachieving students, and a lot of bs that we do anyways but dont count unless I write a few paragraphs about them. I agree there is a lot of solly/stupid/pointless tasks we do do, this is not one of them.

I just post without reading comments first. So thanks for pointing this out?

That’s not right that. Also looking at it from the point of view of the other parents. I don’t imagine that they’d be pleased either not only because there is a potential creep teaching their Kid but they could also think Why is Daughter or Son not getting praised. Parents don’t like favouritism it pisses them right off

@Kickinthenostalgiaif it had been the same teacher who had called you up also commenting on her eyes I would have advised you to report it. Something happened at my school -

There was an art teacher who was also my form tutor for final year. He had a daughter in my year and another daughter two years younger. I remember in a mock exam he was invigilating he kept looking at me which made me paranoid he thought I was cheating. Afterwards some girls came up and said he was drawing a picture of me. When he was later my form tutor he would wax lyrical about me in almost poetic language.

It never went further… with me. But two years after I left he was fired because he was having an affair with a student in his youngest daughter’s year. Horrendous. And imagine his wife was also a teacher, they got divorced. The girl moved into a houseboat with him after her A levels

He was the first person I thought of when you described it as being the same teacher

Why have you come to MN instead of speaking to your DD first?!

My department at a secondary school do weekly calls to parents of chosen 'good' pupils that week. My department head does it and he enjoys ending the week on a positive note and parents are usually over the moon. As a school there isn't much in way of recognising well behaved kids and we find it works really well. Kids enjoy it too, even the oldest ones though they might pretend they don't! Some of the comments on here make it sound bizarre to do... Can't win in this world unfortunately! If they never heard from the school they would be first in line to complain about it too!

Trust your instinct - it does sound a bit odd. And the phoning you as well. I had female teachers compliment me now and then back in the 80s and 90s, and that was fine at my Catholic school but it’s interesting to recall that none of the male teachers did, even if they thought it. But it wouldn’t have mattered if they did because I viewed them as mother and father figures, and there was always a respectful appropriate distance there. Today is different though - as a society we’ve lost our standards and with those our boundaries. Bring back decorum 💖 And don’t gaslight yourself OP - that teacher’s behaviour is odd.

To get a bit of moral support before broaching the subject?

That’s really creepy, and the way he waited for them to reach 16 as well 😬

I was at high school from 1985 until 1992 and back then I do remember the odd comment here and there from male teachers about me and my friends' physical appearance 😳..both complimentary comments and also not so complimentary!
You would hope things had moved on since then but maybe not ..😬

I had a teacher like this who said similar things to my parents about me. He was sacked a few years later after an 'affair' with a 13 year old pupil. Trust your instincts.

But we can’t give any advice unless he know if it’s the same teacher and to be honest as a parent the first thing I’d do is speak to my child not rush to MN.

As a teacher, yes it's definitely a bit strange and what we have foresight to deem as inappropriate really, especially for a new teacher.

I have actually made comments like this over the years but only having known the students for a long time, to lift them up, and within context. Lighthearted flattery, pointing out their positive academic and personal qualities and then a little 'and as for those gorgeous long eyelashes, do you know how much we have to pay for those!'

Could this male teacher perhaps be a little 'theatrical'? I've come across many who are simply a bit flamboyant, effeminate and do say things like oh girl you have beautiful eyes/love your glitter headband (to pupils and staff alike). Completely harmless with no creepiness, just their personalities.

Just giving my reaction as this what I would immediately think from experience but do agree it's not what most would say. Try to find out more about the teacher and you will get a better picture and when you meet him; if he comes up to you and says darling I'm so delighted to meet you and see where your daughter gets her amazing eyes from ...