AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher commenting on my daughter's eyes?

I agree. I would let these recent incidents slide but would be hyper vigilant to anything similar going on. Would not be letting this man think he had worked his way into my good books.

I’ve made many phone calls but this one sounds odd. I misread it then, I thought it was the same teacher who made the very personal comment (to a 14 yr old girl) about her appearance. Parents should always trust their gut feelings and I find your comment bitter and spiteful.

Would it bother you if a female teacher commented on her eyes? I’m not being snarky- I’m curious.

Goodness, this thread has reminded me of a teacher I had when I was about 12 ( very early 80s). He sang ‘Don’t it make my brown eyes blue’ at me first time I looked at him. Later I had a sense of someone staring at me and looked up. He was looking at me and made kissing movements with his lips. His behaviour was absolutely outrageous.

OP I would have loved to have received a call like that about my son when he was at school. It would have made my day. I think the comment about your daughter’s eyes was very inappropriate, and he should have known better. I wouldn’t contact the school immediately, but would monitor it closely and encourage your daughter to tell you if she feels uncomfortable.

😂😂
I think this friend needs to change training providers (or start paying attentions in lectures and staff meetings), this is NOT the reason we do positive phonecalls home 😂

In our school teachers did ring home or often sent a surprise post card congratulating the pupil for good work , kindness or some other positive attribute . It brought great joy to child and parent. It may have been an impulsive comment about her eyes , unless there was other strange comments I would not report it to school .

Trust your gut feeling on this. I think it's an inappropriate comment. Add to that the same man calling you on the flimsy pretext of wanting to praise your daughter's academic prowess (why couldn't he save the praise for the end-of-term report?) - it's creepy AF.

YABU
Probably he left himself go to a nicery and immediately realised he might have been misunderstood, he then phoned you to reassure you it's nothing of that creepy kind.

If he really was a pedo he wouldn't put any spotlight on himself with you.

Not odd at all that he is phoning to praise her performance at school; in a school I worked in we were actively encouraged to do so.

The eye thing - yes that's a bit weird.

YANBU. Totally inappropriate.

This is a huge red flag. There were loads of male teachers at my secondary school who made “borderline” comments like this all the time, it was completely normalised. One of those men has just been arrested for offences against children more than 25 years on. The offences he has pleaded guilty to happened recently. The culture of impunity at the school was such that we all knew he was wrong (and not just him) but it was only ever things that made you feel uncomfortable but you could explain away. The fact that he actually said it to your daughter and not you is an even redder flag. It’s grooming behaviour. I would report it to the school to be honest. I am feeling very strongly about this at the moment because of what my teacher has gone on to do (and was probably doing all along).

The point is he should be self-aware enough and professional enough to go nowhere near such comments. The phone call sounds very odd to me too, I have never known such a thing.

It might be totally innocent.

But that sounds like flirting to me. I remember hearing the same thing from guys in nightclubs. Showing my age there.

What does she like to eat the most? Food high in vitamin E can give you a nice shine to your eyes.

😂😂😂 lol!! It was different then wasn't it! I bet that girl thought it was cool though TBH

I bet she still thinks about that too.

OP, the fact that your daughter didn’t mention it more likely means it did make her uncomfortable. Would she normally tell you if a teacher said something good about her to her? Her work, or her behaviour? You said she tells you if the teacher shouts at the class. I think it’s even worse if it was the same teacher that called you but the compliment on her eyes is a red flag regardless. Please see my comment on your original post if you think I’m overreacting!

Sorry but that is so inappropriate and the teachers will have had training telling them so. Would you tell a colleague of the opposite sex they have ‘nice eyes’?

when I was at school we had a teacher like this. Detentions or extra lessons were sometimes given at his house and the girls were given lollipops to suck. Is that still appropriate or was he just handing out sweets? (He later went to jail for running an online ‘operation’)

I think what you are describing is very different!! I would tell a student they look great or have nice hair etc, this is to help their self esteem, doesn't make me a nonce!

There is a big difference between an off the cuff remark and going to a teachers house. This is just a comment , like the OP said making conversation ie like the pen that was said in an open setting. If parents start complaining and querying such innocuous remarks schools will have no time actually to educate

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s since been arrested. A teacher who did things like that at my secondary school 25 years ago has just been arrested for offences against much younger children. This kind of things is incredibly serious. I cannot overstate this: if any of your children have things like this said to them, take it very, very seriously. If you hear that one of their friends has received such a compliment from a teacher, speak to that friend and in any of the above situations, report it to the school and ask whether they are aware of that teacher making other such comments to children. Please, everybody, don’t give the benefit of the doubt to teachers like this. If they have done nothing wrong, an investigation will show that. Err on the side of caution. If me and my schoolfriends had spoken up 25 years ago, our teacher may not have gone on to harm other children.

Did we have Year 11 30 years ago? I thought it was still years 1st year to 5th year in Secondary School (then 6th form if you had a 6th form)

? The teachers are there to teach. Not pass comment on appearances.

What was the school’s response to this looking under the table? This school sounds like it has a relaxed attitude to inappropriate behaviour by male teachers. Please be very vigilant and ask all your children’s friends and their parents what they think of Mr X. My inner alarm is screaming.

the teachers at my DDs’ school do call and sing dc praises so it’s not that odd to me. Comments about eyes are something that feels odd.