AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

Why is OP mean? Because they don’t want to be forced to spend time with other people’s kids?

Maybe OP doesn’t want the responsibility, maybe they want to spend some quality time walking with their own kids, maybe they just find the other kid irritating. Whatever the reason, OP doesn’t want to spend time with this kid and they have actively tried to avoid them in the kindest way possible. Instead some entitled parent thinks it’s okay to pawn off their own responsibilities on to someone else and the OP doesn’t want anything to do with that. And you know what? That is okay.

What isn’t okay is the other kids’ parents allowing this to happen without checking with OP first (they don’t even know each other!) and not teaching their own child about social etiquette and boundaries.

Of course the parents might not know anything about this. But I very much doubt that is the case here.

You should speak to the parent, not the child, and be clear that this is a general thing, nothing specific to their child’s behaviour.

Imagine being 10 and being told by an adult you can’t walk with them! That’s the kind of thing that would stay with a sensitive child their whole life.

This is why you should address it with the parent, not the child.

Of course they would, because they will naturally feel guilty and look for someone to blame. No one is logical when grieving a child.

You can’t look a 10 year old in the eye and say “you can’t walk with us” on a public pavement. That’s just mean! You can however, knock on the child’s door, speak to his parents and ask if he’s been told to walk with you and why. This is a sensitive adult to adult conversation, don’t be mean to a child’s face, that’s brutal.

Why on earth would you be reluctant for him to walk with you? I honestly can’t comprehend this.

I’d speak to the mum and allow the child to walk with us. You never know, you may need her to repay the favour one day!

But would the other mum be there for OP if she needed her? CF generally do not return favours!

He’s just walking to the same place as you and he is already friends with your children. Saying something could make it very awkward for the children and honestly quite mean. Maybe if you say something then his parents can walk with you too or even more awkward if they didn’t walk with you because as you’re going to the same place at the same time they will be walking just ahead or behind you.
If you really don’t want to walk with them then leave earlier.
Just remember that the children are at school together so having a pal in another year is probably quite nice for them.
Another thing to consider is in 2 years time, how would you feel if your child was told not to walk with a friend to school.

My only concern would be what if there was a day when you’re not going in (sickness etc).

The OP feels that she is responsible for this year six child who has started walking to school with her family specifically because he has told her child that his mum has encouraged him to walk with them for safety everyday.
If it's true that the child's parents want him to be with an adult/family to get safely to school (no matter his age or year group) then it's unfair for them to rely on others for this without even checking it's okay with them. Anyway, the OP doesn't want to be responsible as she wants her attention to be on her own DC's. Which is fair enough.
I am a worrier and one of my two DC's has ASD and might appear fairly NT at times, but still requires supervision/support walking to/from school. If at primary, one of my neighbours (who had never spoken to us) had assumed I'd be at least partially responsible for their child on the way to school as well as my two without even asking me I wouldn't have been impressed. (This is just to explain my perspective!)

She wants him to walk with you because she thinks that's safe for him, so it seems to me that she's expecting you to look out for him and deal with any issues which may occur whilst he's walking with you.

How can a school enforce a policy about what age a child walks to school, especially at Y4. Perfectly safe for many children with no roads to cross, etc. Once inside the gates, fine I can understand rules and enforcement, but walking to school !!!

Do you enjoy the walk as a time to chat with your DC? That's the part that would bother me most. It is rude of the mother not to ask you first, but in a way it's better because if you do want to put a stop to it you have the initiative. Just knock and say you are sorry but you can't walk her son to school every day, and hope she can make another arrangement.

So why does the child not just walk to school on their own why do the parents need to send him with the neighbours (OP) then if the OP is not responsible for them why the need for the parents to mention the neighbour (OP) at all?

If primary school got a whiff of kids in y4 or younger walking to school alone they would contact the parents for a bollocking and potentially make a safe guarding referral. They took it incredible serious. Didn't matter if the oldest kids in year 4 were the same age as the youngest in year 5.

Technically the school has decided he is safe to go to and from school.
in your view is it safe? Would you let your own year 6 child make the walk?
it seems he just likes walking with you and I think you may struggle to change this without telling the child or the parent directly and I think it’s going to be hard to do that without sounding petty.

I understand your frustration though.

My kids used to love walking to school with kids from different year groups. Everyone would end up walking together. It’s a great way for kids to form a support network and you get to find out what is happening in school from different perspectives. What on earth has happened to communities?

Because it's more fun to walk with a friend and chat to him perhaps rather than walk on your own? Do you know children? Many are far more sociable than the adults posting on here.

The thing that makes it sound like she is being a CF is the fact she picks him up from school. If she was confident and happy with him walking alone then surely she wouldn't be doing this.
I think she has to pick up as it's generally harder to sync timings unlike in the mornings, as classes may get let out at slightly different times therefore the son might not know whether the OP has been and gone or is still waiting for her own children. The mornings he can sit and wait at the window til he spots the family heading off.

Where’s the harm of a child walking with you. Goodness me what has the world come too

For a lot of us who work long hours the walk to and from school is extra time with DC. For us it’s 20 minutes each way, so that’s a precious extra 40 minutes a day where DC and I can talk with no other distractions, it’s usually the best bit of my day. I wouldn’t want someone else’s kid tagging along for that, especially if their parents had just imposed it on me without even asking if I was ok with it.

Seriously? The other mum hasn't even asked her if he can tag along?

We holidayed in France a few years ago and had a family tell their children to follow us whenever we went to the beach. They even went out for the day and left their kids behind, told them to tag along with us. We actually reported them to the campsite for this and they called the Police.

It's CF!

I used to love walking the kids to school, it was a time for us to chat before a busy day. They would often open up about little concerns. Having another child tagging along, very much changes the dynamic.

To those who say nothing could go wrong, well yes it could! I know it's unlikely but he could make an allegation against OP.
What if he says you swore at him or lashed out at your own child?
Or what happens if he injured himself in some way? Gets chased by a dog/ gets run over?
If you aren't comfortable OP then go and speak to his parents and consider mentioning it at school too.

You can spot the Amandaland CFs a mile off.

I think the issue is that if it is accepted that he walks to school with you, it then becomes your responsibility to keep him safe.
So in effect, you become liable for him and it's your fault he got run over.

You need to ask the mum. Is it that she genuinely thinks it's unsafe and he needs to walk with someone, or that he has latched on to something she said and he would prefer to? She may think he's going alone in the mornings as an introduction to being a bit more independent. I wouldn't take the fact she picks him up as a reflection on what he's allowed to do.

If she confirms that she has asked him to walk with you, I think it's fine for you to say that you can't be responsible for a kid that age and won't stop him from popping in the shop or branching off with his friends.

I have no idea how they enforce it, they must be having discussions when they see children without their parents.

I am sure they are used to deal with lazy parents, even the ones who are rushing to work can spare 2mn to walk their child to the point where teachers and TA are?

Picking up is easy, they only release the child when they see their approved adult.