AIBU to suggest skipping a baby meet-up with a sick child?

If some is going to keep their poorly child away from other people, they’re going to do this because they think it’s the right thing to do. They’re not going to do it because it’s been suggested by another parent in a WhatsApp chat. At least she was giving you notice she was bringing an ill child and you could choose not to go, but there was no way your message was going to land well.

OP surely the onus is on you to protect your family members? If you were that worried then why did you attend? Other people can’t be expected to do what’s best for you and your family. Maybe their baby was just teething. I think it’s bad form to suggest someone else isn’t welcome in a public forum so I’m not surprised at their reaction. Personally I would reach out to her and apologise.

I do understand where you are coming from OP but I think the general feeling is that babies are ill so often at this age with colds and they are all building up their immune systems.

So the onus is on you to avoid if you know there is an ill baby there. The others clearly don’t mind.

I would try and back peddle a bit as it clearly hasn’t gone down well. I’d say ‘Sorry if I came across as overbearing- we have some terminally ill family members and are travelling abroad soon so trying to avoid all illness. Thanks for the heads up with any ill babies/people. We will skip any meet ups if people are under the weather. Thanks again.’

I have long Covid so have to be cautious- but the onus is always on me to miss out not dictate what others do. Everyone has different approaches to illness especially colds. I really wish we’d take them more seriously in this country and stay at home when ill but we don’t.

I'm Autistic, OP, and I think your 'polite suggestion' was really patronising.

I am in 2 minds. It is hard to get out of child doesn't have some form of snot going on.

I also don't like those that judge.

New mums and WhatsApps don't always go well. But if you are really worried about bugs avoid places like soft play, play groups, and anywhere with bugs and kids...

So it is about navigating your personal situation and what life is with young children...snot and bugs

How odd. Could it be something else you’ve accidentally done instead? The reaction seems a bit extreme.

“My baby was unwell and so I posted it on the WhatsApp chat. Someone had the audacity to say she hoped the baby got better, get some rest for our holiday. I suspect there was also a subtext that she wanted me to miss out rather than make others poorly too. Cheeky fucker! It is my right to be miserable about what my baby is going through and spread that misery to other babies and families. The rest of the group agrees”. OP, if there’s no more to this story, then yanbu and their attitude is really weird.

The OP suggested the mother keep her baby at home because apparently they all know that the OP and her husband have terminally ill relatives.

Then the OP went and took her baby anyway.

That's more odd.

YABU. You were rude for no reason, really. You knew she was coming and you went anyway, which made you look like a hypocrite to everyone.

God help you when your baby becomes a toddler. They catch a bug every other week.

Maybe open a private chat with this mother and apologise if she thought you were being rude but you only had her babies and everyones best interests at heart to avoid passing on whatever her child had. If it's too awkward with this mother choose another mother who you may be closer too and ask if she thought you were rude, it wasn't your intention and what should you have done/said to them knowing your situation. Tbh I think it was quite selfish of her to bring her sick baby to a meeting with lots of other babies.

Where you were put of line was telling another mom not to go when you didn't even really know what was going on with her kid.

I would have directly asked the mom in question if her baby was possibly infectious, and explained about being around someone with a very compromised immune system. If a respiratory illness, I would have not gone. The onus is on you to protect the immunosuppressed person, not for the other mom to stay home so you could go. For all you know, her baby was teething.

This. Most illness are contagious before symptoms especially kids ones, so if you want to avoid them, unfortunately you are going to have to stay away from others. When yours goes to nursery Theyll get everything going anyway, Im not sure how you will avoid that.

but you only had her babies and everyones best interests at heart to avoid passing on whatever her child had.

Christ, do NOT do this.

You might as well say, "Well Sharon, since you didn't give a shit I thought someone else should".

Everyone here is choosing to meet up with their babies despite knowing there could be many sick siblings passing their illnesses on, even though they're not in attendance.

And as a PP said, she'll make herself look like a hypocrite for turning up anyway.

I think it’s a really hard one with young children, especially this time of year, because depending on the definition of “poorly” babies/toddlers especially ones who regularly attend playgroups or nursery etc seem to just bounce from one illness or bug to the next from now until March/April. There is rarely a child at nursery drop off throughout the autumn/winter months who doesn’t have a snotty nose or a cough and so you can’t avoid everyone forever but in your situation I would try to stay clear to protect yourselves

Some people ask others to remove shoes in their home. Knowingly trampling dog shit through someone’s home and then saying “you can’t avoid all dirt” springs to mind here.

The etiquette should be ‘are any sick babys coming if so I can’t risk it due to my family’ and then the sick family should bow out

But why would the sick family bow out?

They're not asking anyone to hold their baby and catch its germs.

And given how many of the adults and babies will always have illness in the home (especially as we're heading towards Winter), no-one would ever go anywhere.

Besides, the OP isn't even bothered as she knowingly chose to go anyway, so she's pissed the other mother off for no reason.

ETA: Ahh apologies, did you mean the OP being the sick family or the other mother with the sick baby?