AIBU to think my cousin cannot claim exclusive use of a name?

Imsgine my grand parents dilemma they each had their own "pete"
It was a second marriage late in life but they were Just Grandma and Grandad to their combinrd Grandchildren
Each of them had a son called " Pete"!

Different strokes for different folks, some people clearly don't care about shared names and some people do.

I personally do. I wouldn't name any of my children the same name as a relative, or even a friend's baby. 'Why would you not if you love the name?' Generally knowing someone with that name makes me not love it to that extent anymore. I'm obviously fine finding out about people with the same names afterwards (was informed by my mum that my first born shares a name with my cousin's horse. Don't speak to cousin and wasn't aware of the horse, but it might have impacted my decision had I known beforehand).

Your cousin's reaction is disproportionate. I'd just moan about you in private, not cause rifts in the family. But I do understand their feelings - out of all the millions of names in the world you couldn't find one that wasn't already being used by a member of your family?

You wouldn’t have picked a name you liked because of a cousin’s horse?

For a human who is likely to live 80-odd years, vs an animal who may die or be sold in the next few years??

An animal that’s not even in your day-to-day life???

Different strokes, indeed.

I have an unusual/distinctive name and when I was in my teens my cousin used it for her daughter. My parents thought it was crappy, although they only snarked about it in private.

I didn’t care at first, but my namesake has gone on to have a pretty grim life, and she was a sex worker for a long time. It definitely felt weird and unpleasant for me when ‘my’ name was used in family conversations about her working in a brothel. But I accept that was a fairly unusual scenario…

I’ve had other people use my name for their babies and that’s lovely and feels like a big compliment - it did feel different when it was within the family. Maybe your cousin is closer to the extended family than you are, and so will be rubbing up against this more often than you will?

The grandparents are in a horrible position though. Stuck in the middle and with the impossibility of ever hosting the full family again. I think they're entitled to vent occasionally, and I'm assuming that they're in agreement with, and backing up OP.

They’re deranged. Keep your distance!

Two of DF's sisters had sons with the same name. They were both much older than me, but the local one was just mentioned by his first name, whereas the other one was always referred to by both his first and last name. Nobody ever said anything about it.

As the mumsnet saying goes you dont own a name if somebody has the same nsme as you its not your name its theirs .

2nd cousins are hardly close family.

Agreed! I didn't say they were. And I don't really care about closeness. I'm not particularly close to my brother, and speak far more to one of my cousins. I still wouldn't use a name either of them had used for their children.

So at the end of the day it completely boils down to personal preference, and my personal preference is not to name my children after people I am related to, regardless of how close we are.

Your grandparents do not need to be telling you any of this, they are shit-stirring through being gossipy people or through boredom. I work in an elderly care facility and some of the old ladies are terrible gossips because they have nothing better to do with themselves. Tell them you don't want to hear it and move the conversation to a different more pleasant topic.

Of course they don't have to jump to my tune but I was asked why I thought it odd to name a child the same name as someone else in the family and that's my reason!

They're barely related. What an odd reaction.

Have they even met your child? I mean, if not, they're angry about someone who they wouldn't even recognise having a name that thousands of others have.

Tell the grandparents it's tripe and you don't want to hear any more of it then skip happily off into the sunshine.

Also, is there a chance your grandparents are blowing this out of proportion and, actually, the reaction of your cousin may not at all be like what they've portrayed?

My friend and her sister both gave their daughters the same name. Their comments on this? ‘They are different children, so what if the name is the same?’ and ‘it’s a different surname’.

Never occurred to them to be upset or cross, either of them.

You crack on!

My aunt had 4 cousins with the same 1st and middle name. The same grandparents.

My two GC with the same name (i.e. first cousins) adore each other and have a real affinity - it is very sweet. One is 12 years older than the other and they always gravitate towards each other at family get togethers, the older one always so supportive and loving.

The older one's parents did not bat an eyelid at having another child with the same name in the close family. They think it is cute. But then they are sane ....... !

Yeah. This.

Close the page on the whole subject now.

Rise above it and move on.
X

And I thought some of DH's wider family were batshit.

Both my children have the same name as my cousin’s two children of a similar age. So what? Lots of names recur in families, it’s only recently that people have got so precious about names being unique. Sod them, they sound awful. They don’t have exclusive rights to the name.

My nephew and my son have daughters with the same name . The girls are a year different in age , live within a mile of each other AND attend the same school . Not one family member is bothered about this . Your cousin sounds nuts !

None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop

Well that needs to stop. Tell them you don't want to hear about these odd people's moans, don't want them mentioned to you at all.