Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my cousin cannot claim exclusive use of a name?

197 replies

Jhun11 · 20/09/2026 20:23

To give context, I had my daughter a year ago and chose a French inspired name that matched with my first daughters. We actually had the name on the short list for my first daughter too who is 3. It’s in the top 100 UK names at just under 50 and is climbing!

My male cousin, who is 10+ years older than me and his wife are FURIOUS that our second daughters name is the same as their youngest! she is around 7 years old.

I’m sure at the time they chose the name it was quite uncommon. It’s really not now! As mentioned it’s in the top UK names at just under 50 and is increasing in popularity.

We live in opposite ends of the UK. Literally different countries. In the last decade we’ve seen my cousin and his wife maybe 4/5 times at family weddings/grandparents big birthday. We have met their children twice. We don’t talk/ even have each other on social media.

They have ripped us apart to our grandparents. We have been called self absorbed, disgusting and selfish. This was all happening whilst my daughter was in hospital for 2 weeks as a newborn. We have been accused of ‘replacing’ their daughter in the family by using her name. They will apparently never speak to us again or come to another family event! We’ve been hearing this for over a year and it’s continuing. The latest is I have personally destroyed the family for using their name and should have asked their permission before doing so. None of this has been said directly to us but exhausted grandparents keep us in the loop.

I can honestly say when choosing our name the fact they had the same one did not even enter my head as something that should be considered/ could be an issue. We never even had a conversation as a family/with my parents or siblings etc whether it could be a reason not to use it. It was something me and my husband chose after trawling the internet and going through our narrowed down lists from my first daughter. It’s a gorgeous name that matches my firsts perfectly and was one of the few we agreed on. I don’t know if my mind set is just entirely different to others but I can genuinely say that someone else using the same name as one of my children whether they be family or friends would NOT bother me at all. They are gorgeous names and I don’t think you can claim exclusivity over a name. Just to confirm it is not something made up or really unusual.

I would understand the issue more if they lived close by/ they would be in the same school/ same age/ same friends/ same surname/ we were close friends - but none of the above are true.

& to add the very best part to the story… their first daughter has an extremely common name. Top 3 for the last ten years. Our other cousin has used the exact same name (though spelt differently by one letter) and there has been no issue with that at all!!

I honestly think the whole situation is bizarre. Suppose I just want to gauge how many people it would actually bother?

OP posts:
Lovelylydia · 20/09/2026 23:51

Ooh, please tell me it’s Ottilie (or Otillie). I’ve loved that name forever.

izzywizzywont · 21/09/2026 00:39

Its Elodie isnt it. French and currently at number 49

Cocoknew · 21/09/2026 01:06

I didn’t use a similar name to my cousin and it was lovely. However I should of done as hardly ever see them now. I did consider the same name as another family member for my other child and I ran it by the parents to see if they would mind and they didn’t! Ignore and carry on.

EntirelyUnnecessary · 21/09/2026 01:33

Lovelylydia · 20/09/2026 23:51

Ooh, please tell me it’s Ottilie (or Otillie). I’ve loved that name forever.

That was my guess too. One of the couples in our NCT class had an Ottilie 8 years ago and I had never heard of the name, but it has become very trendy now.

They are being very OTT(ilie) 😉

Mumtotornadoes · 21/09/2026 03:34

I don't even know what most of my cousins kids are called. You're barely related, you can't just avoid every name someone you kind of know has.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/09/2026 03:34

YANBU. I have two cousins with the same name. Two of my cousins' kids have the same name. I actually named DD1 after my aunt. Name duplication among extended family is normal and expected. They are crazy.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/09/2026 03:39

Devonshiregal · 20/09/2026 23:02

It is weird to use the same name in my opinion but it seems a 50/50 split really on weird/not weird.

You’ve only seen them a few times but you seem to speak to your grandparents reasonably often, and your cousins parents maybe? So obviously they’re on your radar and you must hear about them in passing. That name has been Cousin’s Child’s name for 6 years. Didnt it come to your mind at all that that name was their kid’s name and make you feel like you wanted your “own” name?

Mah e they may be pissed because it is a special name (like a dead relative or something?) didn’t they actually say? What did your grandparents say when you asked why they don’t care that the other cousins used their first child’s name?

and anyone saying families have lots of names that get used all the time, that’s because they’re family names. Like purposely done that way. Ie grandad’s name. Or a family name as a middle name. Not just a random name your cousin called her kid that you then nab.

How do you think names become "family names"? Nobody has "nabbed" anything. Confused

Allswellthatendswelll · 21/09/2026 03:59

They are bonkers- my kids have about 25 second cousins and I couldn't even tell you what they were all called.

Millytante · 21/09/2026 04:09

ClairDeLaLune · 20/09/2026 22:31

Is it Elodie? Beautiful name! I would’ve chosen it for DD but my real name is similar.

They are batshit by the way.

LOD. Child will hear the waggish types among her friends calling out ‘Jesus, Mary, and Joseph and the wee donkey!’ and ‘OCG’ at school!

Millytante · 21/09/2026 04:16

Assuming you are not French, selecting a French-ish name already used in your cousin’s family would be a little more startling than such things generally are.
I mean, given the vast choice you had among French names for a non-French infant.
Therefore I think a cheerful communication of some sort was required when the child came into the world, tacitly acknowledging any possessiveness they may have about this name and sending greetings to the older [French name].

It would have ensured no explosions of outrage could occur, as they are clearly the huffy type and you'd have been aware of that, of course.

Bananavibez · 21/09/2026 04:23

So your other cousin "stole" this cousins first kids name too?
So basically your cousin had two kids, Theo and Marion, and a year or so later both Theo and Marion have been recycled throughout the cousinhood ? 😂 Yeah I would roll my eyes at this. And its not "just a name" is it, otherwise you'd have been like "hmmm, do we really want Marion to grow up being known as Emily's Marion or 'Southport Marion, not Manchester Marion'? Lets go with Ophelie instead"

Studyunder · 21/09/2026 04:27

These post always make me laugh as our entire family has used the traditional Scottish naming system for generations. My parents both had fathers with the same name. So I have a brother, both grandads, 2 uncles and 3 cousins with the same name. It’s confused my husband a few times, but it’s never an issue otherwise.
I wonder what your cousin would think of us 😂

Tanjamaltija · 21/09/2026 05:35

They will be doing you a favour by not talking to you. Also, tell the grandparents that you don't want to know anything else about this stupid happening. As it happens, sometimes there is a 'family name' and people use different versions of it, and no one raises an eyebrow, let alone two... because it's considered the thing to do. So you get James, Jake, Jacob, Jamie, Jimmy, Jim...

graygoose · 21/09/2026 05:54

YANBU. My mate’s cousin stole his actual name!

Let’s call my mate Kevin, for privacy (not his real name). Kevin’s cousin had a baby, born on Kevin’s BIRTHDAY and named his name Kevin 😂

My mate is a bit weirded out but hasn’t raised a fuss. It’s not that deep.

TerfOnATrain · 21/09/2026 06:07

ShanghaiDiva · 20/09/2026 20:59

Absolutely. In my family tree you can either be Donald or Mary. My father had three male cousins - all called Donald.

Show quote history

Same here, there was a Mary and Michael in every generation.

Even weirder there were two Ellens in the same generation that were siblings. The first died as an infant only to be replaced by another four siblings later. This was a family of 7 children.

My mum has the same first name as her step sister, which can’t be helped. But mum then called me the same first name as my (step) cousin, it’s uncommon, and we both have our mother’s middle names which is the same.

I definitely did not do the same with names!

Warmlight1 · 21/09/2026 06:15

SemperIdem · 20/09/2026 20:28

I do think choosing the same name is a bit odd, I appreciate others might not.

I wouldn’t lose my mind over it, as your cousin has though. Certainly wouldn’t attempt to cause a family row over it.

In my family there are at least 4 cousins with identical names, both first and surnames. It's a tradition.

blondeboobshell · 21/09/2026 06:20

I’d ask grandparents to stop telling you about it. You really don’t need to know

Velvian · 21/09/2026 07:01

I think the naysayers are missing that it didn't even occur to OP that her cousin's child had the same name.

One of my DC has the same name as one of my cousins and (even though I know my cousin's name) it didn't enter my head that it was their name until they said how chuffed they were. 😅

These 2 children in question are 2nd cousins, it is not a big deal.

Are you that your cousin is really saying all this stuff @Jhun11 ? It could be your grandparents replaying it each time they see you.

Bushmillsbabe · 21/09/2026 07:02

My cousins granddaughter was named same as another cousins daughter, just spelt differently ( f vs ph) and there was a whole fuss about from my Auntie whose grand child had the name first. That Aunties other child then went on to have a grandchild named same as my youngest, even spelt same. We didn't say anything, doesn't bother me, but I found it funny that the one who made a fuss then thought it was fine when it was her grandchild.

x2boys · 21/09/2026 07:06

So the kids will be second cousins?
I wouldnt know my second cousins if i fell over them .

Whyherewego · 21/09/2026 07:11

Look I get that they were a bit pissed off. I liked the name Orla but my exH niece had that as a middle name. So I didn't have it on the list. Because I got that it may annoy my BIL and his wife.
If I'd really wanted it, I'd have probably said something to them like I really want this name do you mind?
But it's all done and dusted now. So there's little can be done. If you wanted to make family harmony you could drop them a line saying "I'm sorry you're so upset about the name. We honestly didnt think it would be a problem. As cousin x also has the same name as your other child albeit slightly different spelling. Obviously at this point we can't undo what's done as that is her name. But we neant no harm and I hope we can move forward now. "

SulkingInTheCatio · 21/09/2026 07:15

Your cousin is bonkers. The grandparents should be shutting them down. I hope you e told the grandparents how crackers you think they are.

i called my Dd the same name as one of my cousins kids and it took me 25 years to realise 🤣

HandPulledNoodles · 21/09/2026 07:15

It's a bit weird to pick the same name as a cousin but their response is batshit

x2boys · 21/09/2026 07:19

HandPulledNoodles · 21/09/2026 07:15

It's a bit weird to pick the same name as a cousin but their response is batshit

2nd cousin
How often do you see your second cousins?

heybytheriver · 21/09/2026 07:22

What the hell your child was in hospital and they started this pathetic behaviour.

my daughter was in hospital for months and we wanted to call her faith for obviously reasons. We are very close to my husband’s family . My husbands niece is called faith and despite seeing her 2-3 times a month I rang her and asked her to be honest and if she would be upset if we used the name faith. She was delighted and honoured. Granted she was 18 but Jesus no one on the family batted an eyelid. That’s a normal response