Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

There’s definitely a narrative on MN that schools are sweet, harmless bodies anxious to placate an oppressive and corrupt government. That’s not true at all!

Academy chains are not some spineless weak little helpless creature; they’re incredibly powerful (and sometimes quite corrupt themselves) in their own right. They can absolutely authorise this absence. They just don’t want to.

There’s strict rules on what is deemed exceptional or not. Even if we think it’s totally reasonable, we often can’t approve it. We often tell our parents that, give them a smile and tell them to enjoy their day!!
So many of these rules are not made by the schools themselves.

I went to my brother’s. I was a young adult and a teacher! And I got time off unpaid for exceptional circumstances. It was brilliant to celebrate with my family. But back to now and schools, they will turn it down because they are not allowed to give you permission. Our school gently reminds parents about what level of attendance absence would constitute a concern and therefore a fine and the parents crack on with their requests without taking the p. It’s just semantics. Take dd.

Have you got enough tickets for the graduation?
Usually they're quite limited. Will you be the only family there?

It's completely normal. Many graduations will only give you two tickets to attend - siblings aren't really expected to attend.

What a ridiculous response. It will be boring for a 13 year old. Graduation is for parents not siblings.

YABU OP I don’t think it’s an exceptional circumstance and I don’t think your DD should miss school for it.

I took my DC out of school when a v close relative was awarded an honorary doctorate and also gave a speech at the cathedral. Now that is an exceptional circumstance and was inspiring.

This is what I do. It's not the schools fault the game government has tied their hands. I usually say something along the lines of "DC will not be in school on X day due to Y reason. I understand this is likely to be an unauthorised absence. Thanks, TaptheCap".

Crazy. We are in Scotland where things are different but when I graduated with my MSc my kids got the day off and I got a lovely email about the importance of celebrating academic achievement whatever your age.

Well, you can't die more than once 👻

School work is often dull and relentless - it probably should be if you’re working hard for top grades. A day at a graduation is a red letter day of celebration for that. There can be no better example. An academic family is all very well but seeing the rewards yourself is far better.

Quite. I just wrote to my children’s school saying child would be off on X day for a family event I added that I knew they would not approve it, but I was satisfied that it was in my child’s best interests to attend and wanted to let them know for their records. That was it.

One of my nicest memories when I was young was waiting with my grandparents in the quad of an ancient university to greet my graduate sibling and parents after the ceremony (that the overflow guests had been able to watch on a screen outside. )

I loved history and was fascinated and awed by the ‘feel’ of the university and all the grandeur and ceremony and aspired to attend it myself. I certainly was not bored. It was a far more interesting occasion than family weddings and a happy occasion unlike a funeral.

I didn’t attend my siblings graduation. Tney didnt attend mine

its not that big of a deal

I don't think it's an exceptional circumstance, I don't actually know anyone who has been to their siblings graduation. There are usually only 2 tickets per graduate.

Crikey!

I didn’t bother going to any of my own graduation ceremonies, I got my certificates through the post!

I couldn’t justify loosing pay to attend or spending money on gown hire and photos!

Its the qualification that counts, and I think you ABU to think that making your youngest child miss a day of education to sit in a hall for three hours to watch your older child appear on stage for 30 seconds is worthwhile!

They don’t even hand out real certificates… it’s just a tube wrapped with paper!

I agree with the school!

They don't hand out certificates nowadays?

When I graduated in '83, the tube contained my certificate. Is everything done electronically now?

Just to add that I would see graduation as a big deal, but maybe that's because I'm from a working class family* and mostly worked in schools with multiples indicators of deprivation, so being able to go to university is not something that is taken for granted in my experience.

*I'll clarify that by saying that many of the younger members would see themselves as middle class, but are aware of their roots.

DS didn’t get handed his certificate at the actual ceremony, just a handshake. He did pick up his certificate on the day

A graduation of your own child is one of the very rare circumstances a teacher cannot be denied a paid day off. Seems utterly hypocritical to deny the same to a pupil.

How on earth is it hypocritical?

A child is not the same as a (much) older sibling.

Thanks. (I've just realised that the pp did also get an actual certificate, but through the post.)

When I graduated, the ceremony was in Latin, and we were handed the tube containing the certificate after being bashed on the head with a mortar board. (Arts Faculty, Glasgow Uni). We only hired the cloak, no mortar board in those days.

We were told that only the first graduate got the full spiel in Latin - everyone else got 'et te' as we were bopped on the head - but Prof Duncan from Scottish History was doing the honours on the day that I graduated and, God bless the man, he made a point of giving each of us the full spiel...and the ceremony somehow didn't take any longer than it was supposed to.

DS’s ceremony was only an hour (they fitted in 4 ceremonies in the day) but as he was one of the first up it did seem quite tedious by the end!

I graduated in the 00s and 10s and my certificates were posted to me ahead of the ceremony, and to be honest it’s all I needed to prove I had graduated! I also refuse to add the letters after my name… it always reminds me of Rimmer from Red Dwarf who used the same prefix as a degree for his Bronze Swimming Certificate! There is the MA and chartership letters… but I find people who use them every day quite strange! Like they are trying to prove something!

My DH was forced by his parents to go to his graduation and was handed a tube wrapped in paper on stage, his actual certificate was also posted to him before the ceremony! I guess making him attend was more about them having a photo to boast about with their friends and family rather than recognising his achievement!

They have his graduation photo on display in their homes which DH always finds uncomfortable.

He feels like the whole thing was about his parents parading him like a prize pig to enhance their egos!

When i requested day off for my then Year 6 child to attend my older sons graduation I was told this is best thing for my son to go and see and be part of the celebration and inspire to be like him. The head was very encouraging. Remember family always comes first. Enjoy it

Absolutely baffled by the level of control English schools have over your own children's lives!!