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Original poster

Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

243 replies

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 19:52

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

OP posts:
sittingonabeach · 21/09/2026 20:35

Cakeandcardio · 21/09/2026 20:12

Absolutely baffled by the level of control English schools have over your own children's lives!!

Schools don't stop you taking your child out of school, they just treat it as an unauthorised absence

Whatyoutalkingabouteh · 21/09/2026 20:48

I’m not sure what is classed as exceptional if I’m honest. We were turned down for one day for a family funeral. Just took it as unauthorised but I was surprised!

TunnocksOrDeath · 21/09/2026 21:13

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 21:44

But you could say the same about a death or wedding! Its happening everyday to a large portion of the population, yet these are exceptional?

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Weddings are not exceptional under the rules schools have to follow.
Being bereaved leaves some kids unable to function for days, and upset for months afterwards. Comparing the importance of an outing to watch someone walk across a stage to be handed a dummy scroll to an actual bereavement is grotesque.

Ilovemyfam · 21/09/2026 21:13

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:27

Yes my DD13 wants to attend, she is really looking forward to it! We are an academic family so its important to us to be there to celebrate her sisters achievement. What a shame so many people think its boring!

I didn’t think ours were boring. There was an honorary graduate there who gave an interesting and inspiring talk. We had drinks in the faculty, photographs and then the family meal - and we had a lovely meal the night before as family all met up. This was at Birmingham, Leeds, two at Sheffield Uni and a call to the bar in London. All great memorable and interesting days.

Maybe because we had to fly in and stay overnight before and after the ceremony I found special places for breakfast and after the event it just worked better for us.

Considery · 21/09/2026 21:21

Oneofpeach · 21/09/2026 06:52

There’s definitely a narrative on MN that schools are sweet, harmless bodies anxious to placate an oppressive and corrupt government. That’s not true at all!

Academy chains are not some spineless weak little helpless creature; they’re incredibly powerful (and sometimes quite corrupt themselves) in their own right. They can absolutely authorise this absence. They just don’t want to.

This.

Original poster
Oldgalgames · 21/09/2026 21:22

TunnocksOrDeath · 21/09/2026 21:13

Weddings are not exceptional under the rules schools have to follow.
Being bereaved leaves some kids unable to function for days, and upset for months afterwards. Comparing the importance of an outing to watch someone walk across a stage to be handed a dummy scroll to an actual bereavement is grotesque.

Edited
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Context is everything. I’m not equating the emotional trauma of grief to attending a graduation ceremony. The point of the comparison was about how we define "exceptional circumstances" in everyday life common human events can still be significant milestones for the individual family involved.

OP posts:
TunnocksOrDeath · 21/09/2026 21:26

Oldgalgames · 21/09/2026 21:22

Context is everything. I’m not equating the emotional trauma of grief to attending a graduation ceremony. The point of the comparison was about how we define "exceptional circumstances" in everyday life common human events can still be significant milestones for the individual family involved.

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But that’s the point, bereavement is granted because very often a child needs time to process things. No one “needs” to go to a sibling’s graduation, having to sit through your own is bad enough.

Oneofpeach · 21/09/2026 21:32

To give the flip side here, here are some periods of leave that have been granted to me as a teacher.

Turning up an hour late to take my child to his first day at school (I had no class to cover as only y7s and y11s were in that day and my form were y9s.)

An afternoon off to see my child in his nativity play.

Funeral of a friend

Siblings graduation (for the umpteenth time but he really wanted me there.)

In return I have

Gone in unpaid for two days when OFSTED were in to help colleagues and be a general presence around the school (I am part time and I don’t work Tuesdays or Wednesdays which is when they came in.)

Done many an unpaid revision session in the holidays

Done extra detention duty to spare colleagues this pleasure

Swings and roundabouts. Schools forget sometimes that goodwill both ways just makes life so very much easier.

Original poster
Oldgalgames · 21/09/2026 21:34

TunnocksOrDeath · 21/09/2026 21:26

But that’s the point, bereavement is granted because very often a child needs time to process things. No one “needs” to go to a sibling’s graduation, having to sit through your own is bad enough.

Edited
Show quote history

I think you're deliberately taking my comment out of context. The previous poster claimed that graduation isn't an exceptional circumstance because 50% of young people do it. Pointing out that weddings and deaths happen to large portions of the population too was simply demonstrating that an event's statistical commonality doesn't automatically stop it from being granted exceptional leave status.

OP posts:
WinterFaye2 · 21/09/2026 21:42

My daughter had her request for an authorised absence for a dyslexia assessment declined. Schools are bonkers these days

oustedbymymate · 21/09/2026 21:47

I want to know was IS an exceptional circumstance as it seems nothing is.

Cakes1982 · 21/09/2026 21:55

I live in Wales and my 13 year old is coming to my graduation. I have put in request to school and am taking no response as a positive although I had spoken to headteacher before hand anyway. I am hoping it will be interesting enough for her and inspirational. I feel it's tough for schools to maintain attendance but taking them to a graduation isn't just on a whim.

Franxi · 21/09/2026 21:57

oustedbymymate · 21/09/2026 21:47

I want to know was IS an exceptional circumstance as it seems nothing is.

I know that funerals have been allowed.

Thisposthasbeendeleted · 21/09/2026 23:04

Oldgalgames · 21/09/2026 21:34

I think you're deliberately taking my comment out of context. The previous poster claimed that graduation isn't an exceptional circumstance because 50% of young people do it. Pointing out that weddings and deaths happen to large portions of the population too was simply demonstrating that an event's statistical commonality doesn't automatically stop it from being granted exceptional leave status.

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But trying to compare things like graduations and bereavements to determine exceptional circumstances doesn't work, because they simply aren't comparable, it's not about population averages for common events, so statistics here are irrelevant.
A graduation is an individual achievement, perhaps a nice wee family milestone, whereas a bereavement can be absolutely devastating.

Thisposthasbeendeleted · 21/09/2026 23:13

ThisMachineWillNotCommunicate · 20/09/2026 23:17

This will depend on the school, as a teacher I wasn’t even given time off to attend my own graduation for the masters degree my school had funded!

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That's bonkers

Biscuitjockey · 22/09/2026 00:48

It’s your child you do what you want. I’d never of asked in the first place. You child sounds like they’re doing exactly what is expected of them at school and doing it very well. One day won’t make a difference. Congratulations on your other child’s graduation

RareJoker · 22/09/2026 08:00

cramptramp · 20/09/2026 20:01

No she shouldn’t lie and tell her son to lie to the school. The one day unauthorised doesn’t matter at all. The school won’t do anything.

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Son? It’s her daughter!

RareJoker · 22/09/2026 08:01

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 20:05

Her son won’t even be asked about his day-off.

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Daughter, not son…

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