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Sibling graduation is an exceptional curcumstance

243 replies

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 19:52

I recently applied to my DD13's school for 1 days absence to attend her sisters graduation (DD22) in November which has been declined as its not deemed an 'exceptional circumstance'. My DD13 had 98% attendance last year, was off for the flu last November which has been her only absence, is in top sets for all STEM subects. I know we wont get a fine, and we will be attending as a family anyway, its more the principle as I do truely believe this is of course an exceptional circumstance. A sibling's university graduation happens once or twice in a lifetime, it’s an important family milestone and incredibly inspiring for a 13 year-old to witness. I should add this is the first ever request I have submitted to school for an absence!

I am being unreasonable, school are right to decline this request as its not an exceptional circumstance

I am not being unreasonable it is an exceptional circumstance

OP posts:
murasaki · 20/09/2026 22:49

The only way I can see it being a family event is if no one has graduated before. Otherwise it's old hat. My parents had done theirs, but went to mine for me and because it was more trad than theirs, but while I got to escape to the drinks party quickly, they were stuck in senate house until the end. My sisters would have been as bored as anything. Most of it was in Latin, my bag, not theirs.

Also, the graduating child deserves 100% of their parents' attention, before they bin them off and go off with their friends.

murasaki · 20/09/2026 22:54

blondeboobshell · 20/09/2026 22:45

When youngest dd graduated, myself, dh, dds dad, older sister and DDs bf all attended but only me and dds dad went in to ceremony the others watched outside on a screen. But also got to be on photos and we all went for lunch after.

Sounds lovely. For mine, my parents brought a picnic to have on the college lawn, as did all the others, then I had to walk in procession with my cohort, saw them briefly afterwards for fizz and a chat and some pics, then they left me some cash,departed, and I went out with my mates. Perfect.

I have no idea how my siblings' went. I imagine it suited them.

SoSoLong · 20/09/2026 22:59

My son was declined authorisation for his granddad's funeral. It was at the other end of the country so we needed 2 days. He was in y1 or y2. I shrugged and took him out of school anyway, it made not one bit of difference.

FlapperFlamingo · 20/09/2026 23:00

You don’t ask the school you tell them DD will be absent.

FlapperFlamingo · 20/09/2026 23:01

You don’t ask the school you tell them DD will be absent.

VictoriaEra · 20/09/2026 23:08

BugJuice · 20/09/2026 20:02

Schools don’t really have much discretion in it any more. Unless it meets the government definition of an exception circumstance it won’t be granted.
I put in requests knowing they’ll be unauthorised and knowing I’m going to do it anyway.

This is correct.

murasaki · 20/09/2026 23:08

SoSoLong · 20/09/2026 22:59

My son was declined authorisation for his granddad's funeral. It was at the other end of the country so we needed 2 days. He was in y1 or y2. I shrugged and took him out of school anyway, it made not one bit of difference.

Oh a funeral of a grandparent is totally different, I'd do what you did.

Yetone · 20/09/2026 23:13

I think most appreciate education and would value a university degree. They just don’t think the ceremony is of any particular value. Some people chose to receive their degrees in absentia. We attended both our children’s degree ceremonies and barely saw them walk across the stage. I am surprised you got more than 2 tickets.

ThisMachineWillNotCommunicate · 20/09/2026 23:17

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 22:28

Interesting you say this as my sisters boyfriend is a teacher and said he is allowed time off to attend graduations!

This will depend on the school, as a teacher I wasn’t even given time off to attend my own graduation for the masters degree my school had funded!

murasaki · 20/09/2026 23:21

Yes, i totally missed the masters bit for mine, which they give you if you're still alive and not in jail 10 terms after graduation. I phoned Delia in the office, said I'd found the letter under a cushion, and she laughed, and sent me out the certificate for free as she said she thought I would forget. My ex H had to pay for his as he'd never built up that sort of relationship with the office at his college...

murasaki · 20/09/2026 23:21

ThisMachineWillNotCommunicate · 20/09/2026 23:17

This will depend on the school, as a teacher I wasn’t even given time off to attend my own graduation for the masters degree my school had funded!

Now that is shoddy behaviour.

Imanautumn · 20/09/2026 23:24

EntirelyUnnecessary · 20/09/2026 20:00

My siblings did not attend my graduation and I did not attend theirs. My parents attended mine and TBH it was a somewhat dull event.

YABU in my opinion. DD13 has no need to attend.

Edited

That’s really sad.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 20/09/2026 23:24

TheBlueKoala · 20/09/2026 20:19

@Oldgalgames Have you asked if the 13 year old wants to attend? I would have hated going to a graduation ceremony at 13- they are dull enough to support as an adult. Why can't she just celebrate in the evening with the family?

I felt so proud seeing my brother graduate when I was 15.

And I definitely couldn't have gone to school then celebrated with family afterwards - it was a 4 hour journey each way.

It's a ridiculous policy (whoever's fault it is) and OP is definitely not being unreasonable!

VividPinkTraybake · 20/09/2026 23:27

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:08

If a once in a lifetime family academic achievement isn't 'exceptional,' then what is? by definition, that is an exceptional, non-routine event. It isn't a holiday to Disney it’s an educational milestone that actively models higher education for a 13 year old. When her older sister attended my graduation years ago (which interestingly was authorised) it directly inspired her own academic journey.

Genuinely what do you want from this thread when you already have a fixed position

murasaki · 20/09/2026 23:31

I've been to one graduation that wasn't mine and it was boring. But I was proud to be invited. My best friend who met at work failed one module at 48, pass mark 50 and as i worked in HE, I pointed out that she was close, and they gave her that mark, not a total fail, because she could do better. We sat under a tree in the square near work and talked it out. She resubmitted, passed with merit , and insisted I went.

Boring as fuck. But I love her, so I went.

PrettyPickle · 20/09/2026 23:33

I'm going to disagree and I don't think its normal to see much younger siblings at Graduation ceremonies and have you even checked you can get tickets, most graduation ceremonies I have attended (including my own) only allowed 2 tickets and I don't recall seeing school age kids there normally, maybe at the celebrations afterwards but not at the actual ceremony.

You may not like the response but ultimately, the school can't stop you taking her out for the day,

Millie2008 · 21/09/2026 00:14

Imanautumn · 20/09/2026 23:24

That’s really sad.

Why’s it sad?

Mumof1andacat · 21/09/2026 00:15

Does 1 day unauthorised mattter? Just all go and have a nice day

sittingonabeach · 21/09/2026 00:17

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 20:08

If a once in a lifetime family academic achievement isn't 'exceptional,' then what is? by definition, that is an exceptional, non-routine event. It isn't a holiday to Disney it’s an educational milestone that actively models higher education for a 13 year old. When her older sister attended my graduation years ago (which interestingly was authorised) it directly inspired her own academic journey.

Rules have changed over the years, with exceptional circumstances getting more restricted all the time

Millie2008 · 21/09/2026 00:20

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 22:33

Many thanks to everyone for your perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with, it’s been interesting to hear different thoughts. I am genuinely surprised so many people don’t value university graduation in the same way my family does, but what constitutes an 'exceptional circumstance' will clearly mean something different to every family.

Not really. Lots of people saying they value it. The overriding view is that the government defines what counts as “exceptional”. And therefore even if an individual school declines your request for authorised absence, this does not mean they don’t value the experience for your child. Nor does it mean they will stop you taking your child out of school. It simply been they do not have the authority to mark it as “exceptional” and therefore formally authorised.

sittingonabeach · 21/09/2026 00:21

Imanautumn · 20/09/2026 23:24

That’s really sad.

DS’s graduation was limited to 2 tickets and then there were a few surplus tickets offered after everyone who wanted their 2 ticket allocation had applied. But you could only get 1 extra ticket which meant we and his GF could attend. Some graduates had other relatives waiting outside after the ceremony (most ceremonies are also streamed)

TheBlueKoala · 21/09/2026 03:37

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 22:33

Many thanks to everyone for your perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with, it’s been interesting to hear different thoughts. I am genuinely surprised so many people don’t value university graduation in the same way my family does, but what constitutes an 'exceptional circumstance' will clearly mean something different to every family.

I am genuinely surprised so many people don’t value university graduation in the same way my family does

You can value a university graduation without valuing the ceremony. You make it sound like having a degree is exceptional while to most people from academic families it's standard. Most celebrate it separate from the ceremony which is awfully tedious.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 21/09/2026 06:33

Imanautumn · 20/09/2026 23:24

That’s really sad.

What’s sad about it?

University graduations are bloody boring as hell.

Oneofpeach · 21/09/2026 06:46

Schools absolutely can authorise graduations, funerals and so on. They are just being peevish.

MickyMoonshine · 21/09/2026 06:47

Oldgalgames · 20/09/2026 22:33

Many thanks to everyone for your perspectives, even the ones I don’t agree with, it’s been interesting to hear different thoughts. I am genuinely surprised so many people don’t value university graduation in the same way my family does, but what constitutes an 'exceptional circumstance' will clearly mean something different to every family.

Have you taken on board that this not the school’s fault? That they are very limited in what they can authorise?

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