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Original poster

BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me

99 replies

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:16

To be really.hurt that my BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me?

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent. I told him I'd started Mounjaro a few weeks ago and he started twlling me Im beautiful all the time (trying to convinve himself?). Im a few years older, early 50s and was this weight when we met (he isnt exactly slim himself) but I gained 2 stone in menopause over the few years before meeting him. I'm really hurt. He uses porn a lot. This is the end isnt it? He's really sweet, and he was kind about it but honest. He has become like a best friend and it had killed any desire to try to initiate or even join in when he sorts himself out. I have stopped him staying overnight.

Any advice really appreciated.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/09/2026 19:17

Has he got any good points?
He's sounds awful.

Ipsevenenabibas · 20/09/2026 19:18

My only advice is to end it.

m00rfarm · 20/09/2026 19:18

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/09/2026 19:17

Has he got any good points?
He's sounds awful.

Why does he sound awful? He has been honest. Surely that is better than pretending everything is fine?

hattie43 · 20/09/2026 19:20

I think he’s dealt you a low blow . That’s very hard to come back from imo .

Lampzade · 20/09/2026 19:20

He has been honest , listen to him He is not physically attracted to you and has told you so . It is a no brainer… Dump him.

paddleboardingmum · 20/09/2026 19:22

It doesn't sound great. If you could function better as friends why not break up and stay friends if possible. You deserve a man who fancies you.

sweetpickle2 · 20/09/2026 19:22

If the sex is crap anyway why would you want to stay with him?

Purplecatshopaholic · 20/09/2026 19:24

Jeezo, don’t put up with this op. You deserve a man who fancies you - this one sounds like he has issues. None of us are perfect, I’m certainly not, both in our 50s a bit of extra weight etc, but my partner thinks I’m the sexiest woman on two legs and that’s how it should be!

MeowDoku · 20/09/2026 19:26

Whichever way it's the end of the relationship, but I once ended things with a guy because I wasn't physically attracted to him, I don't think I used those words though, probably something about spark. Objectively he was attractive, he was kind, intelligent, considerate, we had lots in common, I thought the physical attraction would develop but it just didn't. If that's what he means, it is sad but better he's honest. If he made unkind comments about your appearance he's an arsehole.

WildLeader · 20/09/2026 19:26

Sweetheart, Yanbu. I’m sorry this absolutely sucks.

i was dating a year with a bloke who when i jokingly asked “remind me why you’re with me?” When id just cooked a fantastic dinner

“because it’s convenient” came the answer

that was it. I knew it then and there. Took me a day or so to process but I ended it. It was amicable. It hurt. But I KNEW I deserved better than this.

you know what you must do, quick clean break up and go on to better.

(14 years on and I’ve just celebrated 10 years with my beloved OH, who I finally married a few months ago. I’m living a life I could never have imagined)

I was 46 when I met him, 3st at least overweight

2 years ago I started MJ and I’m 6stone lighter and fitter and more fabulous than I’ve ever been in my life. This could be you too! You absolutely can do this for yourself. You won’t regret it

but he has to go 😉

Releasemeplease · 20/09/2026 19:27

Why do you want to be in someone who gets his sexual gratification from porn? Men who use porn aren't capable of a proper relationship with a real woman.
There is nothing wrong with you OP. He is the problem. Yet another man who has had his brain addled by porn.

Ubugly · 20/09/2026 19:28

He is literally a wanker.

Original poster
Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:29

Thanks everyone 😘I know. It's just that we get on really well and he has become a close friend. It has really hurt me. He was pretending he had low confidence in bed, he is diagnosed with ASD and said it makes him awkward. He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship. But I dont have to be his coach, I was doing that, trying to build his confidence, going along with it, but not anymore. Thank you all

OP posts:
Comtesse · 20/09/2026 19:30

Well that’s the end of that then. No point in hanging around, I can’t think that will make you feel any better.

CrazyMidget · 20/09/2026 19:30

The correct answer to this is, "Oh really? Bye then. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

SerendipityCat · 20/09/2026 19:32

He's a wanker, a porn-sick, spaff-addled overgrown teenager who doesn't deserve you, op. Into the bin with him.

OhBettyCalmDown · 20/09/2026 19:32

Sorry OP this must of been devastating to hear. He has been honest with you though so I think you know there’s no coming back from that. Try not to let it knock your confidence and go and find someone else

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 19:34

Good luck OP... I really hope you meet someone kind and fanciable very soon.

godmum56 · 20/09/2026 19:36

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:16

To be really.hurt that my BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me?

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent. I told him I'd started Mounjaro a few weeks ago and he started twlling me Im beautiful all the time (trying to convinve himself?). Im a few years older, early 50s and was this weight when we met (he isnt exactly slim himself) but I gained 2 stone in menopause over the few years before meeting him. I'm really hurt. He uses porn a lot. This is the end isnt it? He's really sweet, and he was kind about it but honest. He has become like a best friend and it had killed any desire to try to initiate or even join in when he sorts himself out. I have stopped him staying overnight.

Any advice really appreciated.

Kick. To. Kerb.

Millytante · 20/09/2026 19:37

Releasemeplease · 20/09/2026 19:27

Why do you want to be in someone who gets his sexual gratification from porn? Men who use porn aren't capable of a proper relationship with a real woman.
There is nothing wrong with you OP. He is the problem. Yet another man who has had his brain addled by porn.

I agree. I cannot sign up to the normalisation of porn in people’s daily lives at all. I would find such an interest an instant and urgent dumping issue, quite as much as, say, big game shooting or collecting Nazi memorabilia!
It’s that far beyond the Pale, to me.

***EDIT: very poor comparisons in fact, as it’s not so much that watching porn is objectively wrong (though I can argue that point) but the extent to which the compulsion physically repulses me in a bloke.

As for his watching pornography (incl in OP’s house!) and masturbating as a matter of course in her company, well good gravy, are we really that desperate for male company?

theneighbourgotmycake · 20/09/2026 19:39

do you want a physical relationship?

So many posters on here are falling over themselves to claim they hate sex and intimacy, never want to be intimate ever again. Why not, it's what they feel. Sadly they also accuse anyone saying otherwise of being a man

I couldn't be with someone if there was no sexual attraction, chemistry and frequent intimacy.

What matters if what YOU want, a "friend", or someone with a bit more than that.

Justaquestionplease · 20/09/2026 19:52

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:29

Thanks everyone 😘I know. It's just that we get on really well and he has become a close friend. It has really hurt me. He was pretending he had low confidence in bed, he is diagnosed with ASD and said it makes him awkward. He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship. But I dont have to be his coach, I was doing that, trying to build his confidence, going along with it, but not anymore. Thank you all

After reading this post I've concluded that it's not you. It's him. Onwards and upwards op!

Busybeemumm · 20/09/2026 19:52

He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship.

Maybe he is looking for a way out and wants you to dump him. He clearly has issues in relationships. You have a long road ahead, you are only early 50s. Don't compromise.

RecliningMama · 20/09/2026 19:54

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:29

Thanks everyone 😘I know. It's just that we get on really well and he has become a close friend. It has really hurt me. He was pretending he had low confidence in bed, he is diagnosed with ASD and said it makes him awkward. He hasnt ever had a full sexual adult relationship. But I dont have to be his coach, I was doing that, trying to build his confidence, going along with it, but not anymore. Thank you all

Why did he get with you in the first place if he wasn’t attracted to you?

MissyB1 · 20/09/2026 19:55

Dont waste your time over thinking this, just move on.