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Original poster

BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me

99 replies

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:16

To be really.hurt that my BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me?

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent. I told him I'd started Mounjaro a few weeks ago and he started twlling me Im beautiful all the time (trying to convinve himself?). Im a few years older, early 50s and was this weight when we met (he isnt exactly slim himself) but I gained 2 stone in menopause over the few years before meeting him. I'm really hurt. He uses porn a lot. This is the end isnt it? He's really sweet, and he was kind about it but honest. He has become like a best friend and it had killed any desire to try to initiate or even join in when he sorts himself out. I have stopped him staying overnight.

Any advice really appreciated.

OP posts:
Justaquestionplease · 20/09/2026 19:58

The lack of attraction is an excuse because he's inadequate

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/09/2026 19:58

Sex has never been good or frequent

And you’ve tolerated this for a year and a half? Why?

Dump and run love. Next time, if sex is important to you and it isn’t up to scratch move on.

MadellineBellPictureMeGoneNS · 20/09/2026 19:59

@Wowcocoa25 well done on putting yourself first.
Once you're ready I'm sure you'll find Mr.right.
You sound you've a lot to give and you deserve to be appreciated.

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 19:59

As you get older, and we are both 70, health issues strike quite hard. DH has had a long cardiac history and can no longer really get or keep an erection. But we manage to give him an orgasm (not as often as he'd like), but I never get one, except via masturbating. I do it, infrequently. But I think longingly about solid happy rumpy pumpy.

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 20:03

Before you all suggest moving on, we've been together 45 years. We have a child, and our finances are totally entwined. Even more important, we are best friends. And I love him.

diddl · 20/09/2026 20:07

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent.

I'm surprised you've stayed so long tbh.

What was in that for you?

Nofeckingway · 20/09/2026 20:08

No point in him then . You don't need a friend , you want a partner and that includes sex . You are only 50 . Besides not only is he crap in bed , he's also extremely tactless . Knob.

MissyB1 · 20/09/2026 20:09

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 19:59

As you get older, and we are both 70, health issues strike quite hard. DH has had a long cardiac history and can no longer really get or keep an erection. But we manage to give him an orgasm (not as often as he'd like), but I never get one, except via masturbating. I do it, infrequently. But I think longingly about solid happy rumpy pumpy.

But thats a totally different situation to OP. Hes not up for sex because he's choosing porn over having sex with her.

Lmnop22 · 20/09/2026 20:10

Why the fuck has he strung you along for 18 months if he was never attracted to you?!

The people we get along with but don’t want to shag are our friends, this should never have become more than that for him unless he fancied you!

GreenEyesIsBack · 20/09/2026 20:11

Really sweet men don't use porn.

NeededANameChangeAnyway · 20/09/2026 20:11

In a long term loving and mutually respectful relationship sex is one of many things which keep it going and it will ebb and flow over time. But even in dry spells partners don't look at each other and think "ergh, I don't find them physically attractive". Dump and move on. I don't think he sounds like he would be a very good friend either tbh.

FannybygaslightinGovan · 20/09/2026 20:12

SerendipityCat · 20/09/2026 19:32

He's a wanker, a porn-sick, spaff-addled overgrown teenager who doesn't deserve you, op. Into the bin with him.

spaff-addled 😂😂😂

OP - In all seriousness, he needs to go ❤️

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 20:15

You're right on that @MissyB1 . it's totally different. In the OP's situation, I think I'd cut myself loose and look again.

Ickedout · 20/09/2026 20:16

I bet you look so much better than him.

I had a boyfriend say the same to me. Only I was size 10. He said he didn’t enjoy my body.

Yet anyone could see I was a million times better looking than he was. But that wasn’t the point.

These men are vile. You’re attached to him at present, but it’s gross behaviour from him.

I bet he doesn’t have hoards of women coming after him.

He’ll ruin your confidence and have you second guessing yourself. Literally no man is worth that.

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 20:25

Some men are just vile, but most aren't. My DH is kind, supportive, a great parent and entirely adorable. He just can't get it up now which is a frustration for both of us. I am not going elsewhere for jollies though.

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/09/2026 20:28

He uses porn a lot. Also - he is really sweet. Vomit. Vomit. Vomit.

user1498572889 · 20/09/2026 20:29

Is he gay?

HollyhocksandPeons · 20/09/2026 20:32

Papyrophile · 20/09/2026 20:03

Before you all suggest moving on, we've been together 45 years. We have a child, and our finances are totally entwined. Even more important, we are best friends. And I love him.

Love MN! 'Before you all suggest moving on' - like who is going to suggest to a 70 y.o. to move on?

Autumn2026 · 20/09/2026 20:36

How did this conversation happen?
Surely the relationship can't continue now he has said this?

Do not change yourself for him. He isn't worth it and you worth it the way you are

Pinkflamingo10 · 20/09/2026 20:39

Sounds like he has a porn addiction and isn’t actually capable of having sex with or pleasing real women now.
dump!

nomoremsniceperson · 20/09/2026 20:39

Men who watch porn to the point that they can't have sex with or be attracted to real women anymore are just such pathetic, detestable pieces of shit. I'd much rather be alone than be with such a gross human. You've dodged a bullet OP. However "kind" you think he is, he isn't being kind to the women whose sexual trauma he's wanking off to. Porn is just filmed abuse.
You deserve better 💐

Marieb19 · 20/09/2026 20:40

You deserve better. Good luck with Mounjaro.

CoventryCity · 20/09/2026 20:41

SerendipityCat · 20/09/2026 19:32

He's a wanker, a porn-sick, spaff-addled overgrown teenager who doesn't deserve you, op. Into the bin with him.

Yep. Possibly gay. Either way, get rid. You deserve so much more OP.

PollyBell · 20/09/2026 20:42

Wo is it better he didnt tell you and just fake it? If he did this would be called wrong if he broke up with he would be called scum on the earth?

What would the right thing for him to do is?

JHound · 20/09/2026 20:42

Wowcocoa25 · 20/09/2026 19:16

To be really.hurt that my BF admitted he just isn't physially attracted to me?

Dating 18 months. Sex has never been good or frequent. I told him I'd started Mounjaro a few weeks ago and he started twlling me Im beautiful all the time (trying to convinve himself?). Im a few years older, early 50s and was this weight when we met (he isnt exactly slim himself) but I gained 2 stone in menopause over the few years before meeting him. I'm really hurt. He uses porn a lot. This is the end isnt it? He's really sweet, and he was kind about it but honest. He has become like a best friend and it had killed any desire to try to initiate or even join in when he sorts himself out. I have stopped him staying overnight.

Any advice really appreciated.

I would not be with a man who got with me despite not being physically attracted to me. Why on earth is he with you? Desperation? Loneliness? Wanting to have free household labour?

Gross and I would be gone.

It would be different if you had spent decades together and he no longer was attracted to you but he met you as you are now! I wish men would learn to be happy single instead of using women as placeholders and as an object to stave off loneliness.

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