To think my husband did not go too far and they should just get over it ?

Nah and 80yo isn’t going to change. So good for him for shutting them up.

Agree. OP's DH was rude... But he was also goaded into it by incredibly rude behaviour.

I’m team dh too. He did fine by me.

I will say the only bit that would make me uncomfortable is my spouse swearing at my family member - I missed it was your aunt. But then I would have shut it down long before my husband felt the need to step in.

If he needs to apologise for his fatphobia they need to apologise for their sexism.

He should definitely apologise.
Something like “ I apologise for my inappropriate and rude response to your inappropriateness and rudeness. I am disappointed that I did not find a better way of stopping your bad behaviour and being a better example to my child of how to deal with nastiness in others”

@ForFancyNavyLion did you stick up for
him to your Aunt? I would have said ‘we both want to share the parenting - we neither of us want to miss out’ or ‘things have changed for the better in our view’. Of course he shouldn’t have mentioned weight, but that’s the only bit he should apologise for. They can apologise for giving him such a hard time - do they think he’s less of a man? They are out of order but I’d have shut them down if they wouldn’t give it a rest.

Team DH , if your going to give it , you’ve got to learn to take it

It's irrelevant about how much paternity leave he's taken in the past and is taking now. He's simply doing what the majority of fathers do these days, and looking after his baby along with you. Auntie and cousin sound old-fashioned and completely out of step, but his response was breathtakingly rude. Why on earth didn't he simply tell them that the child has two parents who care for him equally, instead of resorting to a childish insult?
He sounds bloody awful.

She was out of order going on, but that doesn't negate the fact your husband should apologise and mean it. Both of you know that.

He needs to learn to stand up for himself without resorting to childish personal insults about someone else appearance you'd expect to only hear in the playground. Is he usually this immature? I would be embarrassed by my dh if he said that.

Hardly role model behaviour. Sweating, personal insults and name calling, seriously?
Couldn’t he deal he not stop the conversation like an adult.

Indeed

I do think it is relevant as that is the background to the constant criticism of him - that he has equalled his wife in shared care of the baby since birth and that is in some way lessening of him as man.

I am not sure that it is true that the majority of men share care in this way.
It may be true that they would like to.

I do think think that both should have had some stock phrases to shut it down. OP, especially, should have supported him since it was her own family.

I also think it's quite funny. Just so.....BURN out of the blue 🫠😳

They were being very rude so he went for the jugular, bet they won't be so rude next time 🤷‍♀️

Do your family hate you or something? Actively wanting to prevent your husband for playing his part and to make your life harder? Why shouldn’t he have been doing this even if he didn’t take the year’s paternity leave if it was on a weekend?

That said, bringing someone’s weight into it isn’t ok. It wasn’t a like for like comment. If he’d just said “focus on yourself” or something that might have been ok but it was an unreasonably personal attack.

So he should apologise for that but make it clear that he found the comments she made unacceptable. Then I wouldn’t want to see these people going forward.

Sorry I’m fully with DH.
He insulated her weight - so what

And the number calling it a "man insult", or calling HIM sexist-there is no evidence he wouldn't have used the weight thing with a man. Mind you, a number of women (?) on here seem to think only women should look after kids, as if men who want to work with kids/do childcare are weird.
Not that I'm justifying insulting someone's weight-it's nothing to do with it. But OP, if he was wrangling the baby, you should at least have been speaking up for him before he snapped.

Exactly

I would ask him to apologise if not doing so will damage other important relationships. But I think he should only say that he is sorry her persistent and unwanted criticism caused him to lose his temper.

I think they were being awfully rude to him. He tried to brush it off, tried to speak up, they continued and he snapped. Yes the comment about weight was nasty but that’s what happens when you continually goad people. in the end they snap and then you can’t cry ‘poor me’ which is what these two have done.
This is between you and Aunt/cousin? The rest of your family shouldn’t be getting involved otherwise it will escalate.
if you barely see these people I wouldn’t worry. If others have spoken up at them and it’s blown over it will with you both too.

I agree aunt and her daughter have no right to question any of this I’m on team DH they sound vile he sounds like a good Dad who snapped when 2 ignorant women were winding him up.

Say nothing and they are weak and pathetic, stand up for their wofe/partner and they are rude and people should have sympathy for the op.

Rubbish.

He could've challenged her without losing his temper and bringing her appearance into it.

Good practise for when his children annoy him when they're teens.

I am with your dh on this OP. He snapped after feeling personally insulted. He also stuck up for you with her unnecessary 'fat' comments. She needs to wind her neck in and keep her offensive remarks to herself in future. Or learn to take what she gives out. Well done your DH for having your back!

Not sure why he attacked her appearance. Nobody in this incident covered themselves in glory.