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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for calling out date on his CMS remarks?

101 replies

Camcam · 19/09/2026 07:02

Been dating a single dad for around a month. I’m late twenties (single mother), he’s 40 and a single dad to a teen dc.

Dates have seemed to go great until last night. He started going on about his salary and then whinging about his CMS (£300).

XH was on a slightly lower salary and we used to have same contact arrangement (EOW), so I know according to the cms calculator, he should be paying more.

He then started whinging about XW wanting more and that she claimed it was to go towards bills too where as he believes it should only be spent on the child. I pointed out that his XW has their child the majority of the time so her bills would be more and that teenagers are expensive.

His argument was that if he spends £300 on their child, she should too.🙃I pointed out that I could imagine she was spending much more than £300 per month. If he really didn’t want to pay his cms then 50/50 may be an option.

He went in the huff and the date ended abruptly. I don’t plan on seeing him again but wibu to call him out?

For context I don’t receive any cms as have an amicable 50/50 arrangement with XH.

OP posts:
Releasemeplease · 19/09/2026 07:05

Good for you OP!

CeciliaMars · 19/09/2026 07:05

What a prince.

fluffblue · 19/09/2026 07:07

Of course yanbu.

I am in a similar situation (single mum dating a single dad) and one of the things I thought was a green flag in the early days was how he acted towards his ex wife and children.

Summerlovingtheraspberries · 19/09/2026 07:07

God what a prick.
At least you won’t have to tolerate him if you plan not to see him again.

TY78910 · 19/09/2026 07:08

You should definitely have called him out. I hate men that have this outlook.

fuckeditupbadly · 19/09/2026 07:10

Well done. The only way this will ever change is political will (nope) or social and peer pressure. If women stopped shagging men who dont support their kids, I'd bet my house the rates of CMS non payment would fall drastically. Its pathetically low anyway...I don't get to ring fence a % of my salary and then keep all the rest, regardless of what kid related expenses come up. Why should NRPs?

Sartre · 19/09/2026 07:13

I can’t fathom why he thought a conversation like this would go down well with you, when you’re a single mum so in his ex wife’s position…

Buzzlightyeartowel · 19/09/2026 07:15

Good for you!
My ex tried to say he wanted access to my rent account (housing association) so that he could pay some of that and then he would “know where his money was going”
These men don’t understand that there is far more to raising a child than just spending money on them.

Myfridgeiscool · 19/09/2026 07:15

Nice one OP. Whinging about supporting your own child is deeply unattractive.
Men are so selfish.

Simonjt · 19/09/2026 07:16

Ha what a dick, not long before we met my husband when on a date with a guy who did shopping for his ex and paid the leccy as he didn’t “trust her with my money”, he stormed out when my husband said “but you trust her with children six days a week”.

MandemChickenShop · 19/09/2026 07:19

he's a knob head.

Nosdacariad · 19/09/2026 07:20

Good job, should be more of it!💐

Original poster
Camcam · 19/09/2026 07:22

Thanks all! I don’t know how they aren’t embarrassed 🙃

My youngest son’s dad literally legged it from the country in the worry I was going to claim cms (which I had no intention of doing). He now resides in his home country where the salaries are shit so he has bit his nose off out of spite!

Feel sorry for this ones poor XW.

OP posts:
Sweetlikechoca · 19/09/2026 07:38

Well done for calling it out 👏🏼

Morepositivemum · 19/09/2026 07:40

Well done op👏👏👏

isitfridayyetttt · 19/09/2026 07:41

well done! At least you found out what he’s like early on.

BCBird · 19/09/2026 07:46

He an ass hole

BCBird · 19/09/2026 07:46

Good on u

Daisy12Maisie · 19/09/2026 08:09

100% good for you.
I have teenagers and I spend the majority of my money on them.

Sweetesttabboo · 19/09/2026 08:55

👏 good for you OP! Looks like you well and truly dodged a bullet there. I mean you’ve called him out already. I think if he asks why you don’t want another date then bring it up.

If I ever dated again (likely won’t) then how they talk about any ex and particularly mother of their children and any parenting responsibilities would be such a litmus test for me.

Cloverforever · 19/09/2026 09:13

Good for you OP. i had this with a boyfriend years ago. He was shocked when i pointed out she was using it to bring his boys up, and not spending it on 'having her nails done'

They really don't like being called out on their selfishness, and chauvinism.

Thewonderfuldollypartonsbra · 19/09/2026 09:49

My ex (used to) proudly tell dates/anyone who will listen that 'i don't pay a penny for my kids as she'll only spend it on herself'

Not one person called him out on it-its like kids don't cost money

He also slagged me off (he'd long gone by this point) for being 'violent' 'nasty' 'a slag who would shag owt' 'the world's worst mother' and 'she's the reason I don't bother with them'

I'm not but bloody hell,says a lot about him-leaving his kids with someone so unstable (apparently)

Didn't stop him from shagging his way through a lot of women who seemed to nod at this and not think any less of him (and where amazed when he pulled the same crap with them)

I'd run a mile (and have done in the past) if any bloke started with the same lines,from the same handbook and proudly admitted to this

Losers-well done op

LifeOnEnceladus · 19/09/2026 12:16

Mind boggling that these nasty men don’t realise the ex-wife is spending pretty much her entire salary every month housing, feeding and providing for their children.

Imagine if your children only cost you £300 per month! I’d be able to afford to go to IKOS six times per year. So they do way less than half of parenting and pay a fraction of their 50% share of the costs of housing and raising a child, then have the audacity to moan about it!

Irresponsible, whining, deadbeat man baby. These men need to be publicly shamed for their behaviour. Of course you were right to call him out. You dodged a bullet.

Cantgetausername87 · 19/09/2026 12:20

100% good on you. I wish everyone in society would stop tolerating these dead beats (but then i guess they'd be banging on about the male loneliness epidemic) x

arethereanyleftatall · 19/09/2026 12:27

You did the right thing.

i would have actually done it sooner -as soon as I found out about EOW, unless there’s a very good reason for EOW, it isn’t good enough.