AIBU for calling out date on his CMS remarks?

Yep and scratch cards

This man is selfish, not all.

Major red flag there! Well done for calling him out!

Well done from all of womenkind.

Be thankful he showed his true colours this early into dating him so you could at least dodge that bullet

How puerile - or maybe it was a lapsus, and he was telling you how selfish and avaricious women are...

My eldest daughter's delight of a father moaned about having to pay a grand total of £7 per week from his benefits, all whilst moaning that he and his wife at the time simply couldn't afford to try for their 4th child due to the benefit cap although they really were desperate for another child. They said the government screwed their chances of having more children. I told him whilst hes whining that he can't create any more he's also spouting the desire to begrudge paying a penny for his firstborn and telling me that I was selfish to claim child maintenance at all whilst he could look after her for way less than the £7 he was ordered to pay. I told him he's welcome to try as her bus fares to school would cost more let alone the fact she was a teenager at the time so feeding and clothing her is a cost that his pittance didn't even pay a small amount towards not forgetting that she needed feminine products every single month also. He told me to fuck off

So he's singe and a dad, not a "single dad".

You're equally unreasonable to suggest he goes 50/50 to get out of owing maintenance. Not the best reason to want to parent more is it.

Good for you! My ex had the audacity to class himself as a single parent when he only had his son one night a week. He didn’t like it when I said he wasn’t one as he didn’t parent. He was on a good salary and had to pay £500 a month, I told him that his ex deserved to receive every penny that she was entitled too to compensate for his lack of parenting! I was a single mum at the time recieving £200 a month for two children and he kept saying that my ex didn’t pay enough. He was on a much lower salary though and had our girls at least 2 nights a week plus went halves on anything extra. like uniforms and trips!

I remember working with a youngish lad (at my age,they are all bloody young!)

He mentioned he had a dd who was about 5 at the time

I'd ask after her if I saw him and he always seemed a bit on edge speaking about her

Turns out that he'd got her mum pregnant and fucked off-hed never met her

He also job hopped so the csa couldn't catch up with him

Just before he left for another job,I met his mum

I got chatting to her and she mentioned that his own father had never paid a penny for him and how hard she'd had it when he was younger

She was also totally supportive of him never paying a penny for this child as 'he doesn't see her,so why should he pay?'

I mean honestly,if that was my ds,I'd be kicking his arse,especially as she knew how hard it was to bring up a child on very little money first hand

She'd never met the mother of her grandchild so didn't hate her,the mother had done nothing to her,she just couldn't see how wrong it was

I tried pointing out that kids cost money and both parents should pay and got blank looks from the pair of them

He left the job a fortnight later (just as the csa where about to take from his wages)

I despair-that poor child,she's not pay-per-view and deserved much more

The age gap should also have been a tell. Of course those gaps can work, but many of these guys have a Peter Pan complex and are deeply narcissistic, believing they are owed everything and owe nothing… Good for you for that slap of reality!

Sounds a lot like my son's dad. He was always ready to tell anyone who would listen his sob story of how he has a son that the evil mother stopped him from seeing- far from the truth he chose not to have any contact despite numerous attempts to get him to form a father/son relationship, same went for the grandparents, they said that their son didn't have to see his child that he has a mother to look after him and he didn't need his dad as much as they needed him apparently. They called him the "bastard child". My ex also job hopped every time the CMS caught up with him through employers. He'd even brag about it that he got away with not paying a penny to support his own child. Son had contact briefly with his dad when he was around 10 but even that was sporadic and didn't last, he actually met his nan during a contact visit at his dad's and he refused to call her nan, his nan actually moaned and commented to his dads wife what kind of a mother has raised this boy to not even have the decency and politeness to acknowledge his own gramdmother- I told her he was raised by one who taught him that biology doesn't automatically earn a title when they do nothing to earn it. My son is 16 now and his grandparents from his dad's side have both passed away, his nan passed most recently about three years ago(grandad passed when he was a baby). His uncle actually asked me to tell my son that his nan had passed and my son's response was why should he care when she's never been a grandparent to him in any way at all.

Well you've swerved one there. Complaining about £300 a month, where's he been for the past decade? That goes nowhere.

Good for you!! You were absolutely right in everything you said and everything you see. I stand with you!

.

My own (now adult) dc are the same with 'his' side of the family

Is (then aged about 14) wanted a hat and found his father's market stall that sold the one he wanted

He asked 'how much?' and his father spat at him and snarled 'tenner,tell your mother to take it out of what i pay her!'

Is put it back-as he said later,he wasn't expecting a freebie but he didn't deserve being spat at and it was a joke as he'd never paid a penny for them (I proved this with letters from the csa and bank statements)

Dd (then aged about 15) found her grandmother (his mum) and went up to say 'hello'

She was told to 'fuck off,I don't want to know you and your mother is a slag'

So dd did,she walked away and was amazed a few years later that that woman was telling everyone that I'd stopped her from seeing them!

Nothing could have been further from the truth-the problem was that they where the dc of the 'unfavourite' son and not the dc of the 'prized' daughter (they are all very close to the daughters dc)

They supported him in not paying a penny,they saw nothing wrong with this as they 'where her problem'

How the hell they justified this shite to themselves I do not know

Sick fuckers-he's never paid a penny for them,I did it all and they crow about how they supported him in not paying for 'her bastards'

Sounds a similar scenario to what I had with my son's not so delightful father and his equally not so delightful family. I saw my ex once on a night out for my birthday my son was all of a year old his parents were with him, his dad came over to me and told me to fuck off cos I wasn't getting back with his son I told him I have no intention of restarting a relationship with his useless deadbeat son. They called me a slut and a liar they told me they wanted nothing to do with my bastard son

It's just unbelievable
How the hell do they justify it in their heads?
I'm dotty about my granddaughter and can't imagine life without her
To walk away from their own grandson (and support their son in doing the same) is just beyond me
Hes better off without them-no grandparents is better than one like those

Kind of him to show his colours so quickly. I think it’s a great way of determining who not to bother with.

I also called out on a first date a dad who never saw his kid who lived 2 streets away because in the throes of divorce the kids said he didn’t want to stay with him. So he never tried again. Hard no. In the bin.

My ex regularly moans to the kids about how broke he is and how much money I have. I never say anything other than that we agreed on everything and it is fair. Actually, his contribution is way under what it should be on the most basic of calculation, but I would never say anything to our kids or anyone else (nicely anonymous on here). I am sure he moans at all his online dates and makes out what an amazing Dad he is, having them EOW - actually, there is only one day every two weeks I don't have them is the Saturday of "his" EOW; otherwise, they don't leave here til 5pm Friday and return at 4pm Sunday.

DH nearly got into a bit of a tricky argument with a bumch of his old friends a few years ago. They're all friends from school and have a longstanding group chat (almost never see each other). One was getting divorced. Cue lots of ranting from him about how his STBexW was "taking him to the cleaners" and how he'd "Worked hard for the money to pay for the house" that she wanted etc etc etc.

They were all supportive, recommending good lawyers etc. DH threw a bomb into the mix when he pointed out that the friend's wife had given up a good career to move cities for his job when he got a promotion, and had then given up work completely to move COUNTRIES , again for his job, and that as a result, she wasn't exactly in a position to buy a house anywhere near like the one they'd lived in as a couple etc etc and that he didn't see why she wasn't entitled to at least half of any assets that existed by that point in the marriage.

It took a while for that one to calm down and, to be fair, I think some of the other men did actually stop to think as up until that point, it had never occurred to any of them. I was very proud of him. He said it was quite hard because he really did feel like the outlier but there was so much vitriol for how this woman hadn't worked and didn't "deserve" anything. I think it was "easier" for him to see becuase he was a SAHD at the time.

Not entirely the point but does seeing his kid EOW make him a single dad ? I see men like this refer to themselves as single dads but I always assume a single parent is the one who has the lions share of the responsibility… the other is just single and a parent !

God what an arsehole. Massive red flag.

GOOD FOR YOU!
I am so sick of reading whiney men babies complaining about CMS. As you said OP they could actually have their child more and then that would negate their liability but no, they couldn'toan about corrupt systems and greedy exes. Urgh.