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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel uneasy about my nearly 17-year-old dating a 15-year-old?

115 replies

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 09:35

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
Jadebanditchillipepper · 18/09/2026 12:12

I don't understand how year 11 and 12 is any different to year 9 and 10, which you said would be ok?

user1464187087 · 18/09/2026 12:24

bumblingbovine49 · 18/09/2026 12:03

What a load of garbage. Whilst having a conversation about sex and consent and appropriate ages etc ia fine, this is just not true in the UK. We don't have a Statutory rape law.

We do have a legal age of consent but it would be highly unlikely that a 15 and 17 yr old having consensual sex in a relationship would result in the prosecution of the 17 yr old . I'm not saying it would never happen so it is good advice to avoid the situation but it unlikely to be criminally prosecuted

Show quote history

I was thinking along the same lines as you regarding statutory rape law.
It is covered by the Sexual Offences Act of sometime in the early 2000's.
This seems to be a grey area because a female cannot rape a man apparently, but obviously if the man is under the age of consent but consenting then, like you say, prosecution would be unlikely.

OnlyUsername · 18/09/2026 12:30

They don't tend to prosecute age gaps of a year (so 15 and 16, can on paper be peers in same school year) unless there was coercion or exploitation so I really wouldn't worry about it - apart from making sure she has thought about contraception.

maggisimpson · 18/09/2026 12:40

Is it actually the age gap that's a problem, or the feeling/social norm that girls should have older boyfriends?

user1464187087 · 18/09/2026 12:40

OnlyUsername · 18/09/2026 12:30

They don't tend to prosecute age gaps of a year (so 15 and 16, can on paper be peers in same school year) unless there was coercion or exploitation so I really wouldn't worry about it - apart from making sure she has thought about contraception.

I also meant to say in my previous post OP, not to worry. With regards to prosecution (not that I think that would happen) The CPS can make a decision not to prosecute because it is not in the public interest, which I think would apply here.
As I say, i really don't think you have anything to worry about.

SendforJulietOne · 18/09/2026 12:40

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 11:38

I know this sounds so hypocritical, but if he was older and she was the younger one I don't think i'd be bothered.

I'm not sure why it's made me feel a bit weird, I suppose I just don't want anyone thinking bad of her.

She will be learning to drive soon, she already goes to parties / went to the pub with friends during the world cup etc ( she has friends older and younger ) so she's quite grown up when it comes to socialising and then he seems so young being 15 still.

We shall see what happens, I will just let her get on with it and treat it as any other relationship, which she hasn't had any really so this is all new!!

Show quote history

Can you explain your reasoning behind this? Why would it be "ok" to you if the sexes were reversed? That's a bizarre take on it.
Hypothetically, what if your daughter was dating a 15 year old girl? Would that seem acceptable to you?

My DP is 13 months older than me. I don't view him as in a different life stage!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 18/09/2026 12:45

It sounds like this is less about legalities and more about you being embarrassed your daughter is dating a younger boy.

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/09/2026 13:15

I think from her college friends point of view, this would seem a bit paedoy

Josie67 · 18/09/2026 14:19

Why don't you have a chat with his mum? Make sure she is on b/c.

britnay · 18/09/2026 14:24

How does he treat her? Does he make her happy? Does he make her feel better about herself?

x2boys · 18/09/2026 14:30

Denim4ever · 18/09/2026 09:46

Gen Z themselves are normally the biggest critics with sixth formers dating anyone still in year 11 or below. Their etiquette can seem very picky and she might come across that.

This is so true my son is 19 and horrified at dating anyone who is even just a year younger then him
Which i find very strange

HelmholtzWatson · 18/09/2026 14:41

Would anyone even raise an eyebrow if this was a 15yo girl and 16yo boy with only 16 months between them?

Dollymylove · 18/09/2026 14:50

At 17 I wasnt interested in 15 year old boys. Too immature.
19 or 20 would have been an ideal BF for me

Hoppinggreen · 18/09/2026 14:56

Denim4ever · 18/09/2026 09:46

Gen Z themselves are normally the biggest critics with sixth formers dating anyone still in year 11 or below. Their etiquette can seem very picky and she might come across that.

I agree one Ds's friend group started dating a girl who was 15 and still at school while he was 16 and at 6th form college
I never thought i would see a group of 16 year old boys clutch their pearls like that!!!

Madamecholetsbonnet · 18/09/2026 14:58

I was 18 and dating a 16 year old. We were married at 30/28

BillieWiper · 18/09/2026 14:59

That's totally normal. 15 and 16.
No age gap really at all. As long as they have things in common and are at a similar maturity level.
I remember dating an 18 yo when I was 15/16.

YellowFlowers1 · 18/09/2026 15:08

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 09:35

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

This is exactly the age I was was when I met my now husband. I was just about to start sixth form and he was going into year 11, I turned 17, 5 months before he turned 16. We’ve been together 17 years now and have two beautiful children and a sickeningly happy life. Nothing icky about that at all 😀

Doone22 · 18/09/2026 15:14

You're over the top. Sounds like she picked him because he's younger and less threatening than an older boy. Why assume theyre going to have sex anyway. Kids are not all the same.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 18/09/2026 15:15

I read something really interesting about this idea that girls mature faster than boys. It suggested that it’s part of the sexualisation and exploitation of girls. That we expect higher behaviour standards, and for girls to become useful socially, caring for siblings, moderating the behaviour of boys and being sexually available to older men. All part of misogyny.

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 15:16

I'd strongly advise against them having sex before he's 16, as that's statutory rape, but otherwise I think the relationship is okay.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 15:17

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 15:16

I'd strongly advise against them having sex before he's 16, as that's statutory rape, but otherwise I think the relationship is okay.

There's no such thing as statutory rape in the UK.

And even if it did, it only applies if one party is over 18 and the other is under 16.

x2boys · 18/09/2026 15:23

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 15:16

I'd strongly advise against them having sex before he's 16, as that's statutory rape, but otherwise I think the relationship is okay.

No it isnt
Its sex with a minor and the law exists to protect vulnerable children/ teens from predatory adults not to punish teens with barely a year between them from having consensual sex.

Dandeloosha · 18/09/2026 15:27

I was 17 and my BF was 19. I was in upper VI and he was in his first year at uni (I was a June baby so young for the year) and he was a September baby so one of the oldest in his). Nobody thought anything of it. It’s a perfectly reasonable age gap. If the sexes were reversed would it still be a problem?

Laura95167 · 18/09/2026 15:36

Wouldnt worry me but I would talk to her about under 16 sex would be illegal and under 18 sharing images is

JeanSimmons · 18/09/2026 15:45

While YABU, I do commend you for not just assuming that an age gap is no problem when it's the girl who is older. That said, I don't think you need to worry. I slept with a sixteen year old when I was eighteen, and I don't think I broke him 😉