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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel uneasy about my nearly 17-year-old dating a 15-year-old?

115 replies

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 09:35

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

OP posts:
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bababamama · 20/09/2026 09:37

They are only just over a year apart, I can’t see the problem

x2boys · 20/09/2026 09:35

Hankunamatata · 19/09/2026 22:29

I may be mean but told my sons under no uncertain terms once they turn 16 are they to date anyone under 16.
Explained the legalities etc. Only rule I have with with their dating.

Sp if they establish a relationship with somone at 15 who is 2/3 months younger than them you would expect them to split up from them the minute they turn 16?

Hankunamatata · 19/09/2026 22:29

I may be mean but told my sons under no uncertain terms once they turn 16 are they to date anyone under 16.
Explained the legalities etc. Only rule I have with with their dating.

MyZippyCostume · 19/09/2026 22:03

F to F
M to F NO

x2boys · 19/09/2026 13:10

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 19/09/2026 07:08

So what? Nobody is going to come knocking on OP’s door and cart her DD off to the cells 😂

This is mumsnet some posters can be very black and white
On another thread a few weeks ago a poster acccused a a 16 year old boy of being a paedophile because he had consenual sex with a 15 year old girl there was just 3 months betwen them 🤔

Koalatea13 · 19/09/2026 13:07

So there's only one year between them? That isn't an issue. Also, if something was to "happen", she wouldn't get into trouble legally

user1464187087 · 19/09/2026 12:05

hcee19 · 19/09/2026 01:53

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older , to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged, 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13,14, and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13,14 or 15.

The OP has said that her daughter isn't ready for a sexual relationship at this time anyway. That equates to no criminal offence.

Wingingit73 · 19/09/2026 07:27

Hardly any difference. Leave them to it.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 19/09/2026 07:08

hcee19 · 19/09/2026 01:53

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older , to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged, 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13,14, and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13,14 or 15.

So what? Nobody is going to come knocking on OP’s door and cart her DD off to the cells 😂

cityliving99 · 19/09/2026 07:00

hcee19 · 19/09/2026 01:53

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older , to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged, 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13,14, and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13,14 or 15.

Teenagers are at it all the time.
Unless one has forced the other, no one is going to say a thing.
Nurses hand out C cards at school. GPs give the pill willingly for contraception.

Sally2791 · 19/09/2026 06:58

It’s fine. You’re overthinking OP

ItsGetKirstyIn · 19/09/2026 06:54

hcee19 · 19/09/2026 01:53

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older , to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged, 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13,14, and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13,14 or 15.

That doesn't contradict what I said.

Aleveldilemma · 19/09/2026 05:27

My son is 16, his GF is 14 month older than him and one school year above. They have been together for 1.5 years so they started going out when she was in year 11 and he in year 10. That kind of makes it more acceptable I think? I have twins and they’ve just started sixth form. I would find it a bit odd if my daughter at this point chose to go out with a year 11. Yes there is not that much age difference but there is quite a bit difference between year 12 and year 11 in terms of life stage at that age, year 12 is about broadening horizons and perhaps you feel your DD should be doing that OP?

hcee19 · 19/09/2026 01:53

ItsGetKirstyIn · 18/09/2026 09:42

Difference is one school year / 16 months? I wouldn't be worried. If they were at a school with a sixth form they'd still be in the same set of buildings. And I'm not a lawyer or anything but I think prosecution would be very unlikely even if they did have sex.

It is a criminal offence for anyone who is 16 or older , to have any kind of sexual contact with someone aged, 13, 14 or 15. It is also a criminal offence for both girls and boys aged 13,14, and 15 to have consensual sex with anyone else aged 13,14 or 15.

Bigreddog25 · 18/09/2026 23:02

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 22:52

I’m not. In two months my 16 year old WILL be 17 and he will still be 15.

so my 17 year old will be dating a 15 year old for 3 months until he turns 16.

Sorry- you genuinely don't see how crazy you sound? 😂
Their age gap is 15 months regardless of what month you're looking at it.

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 22:52

Bigreddog25 · 18/09/2026 22:38

Why are you trying to make the age gap sound bigger than it is 🤣

Your 16 year old is dating a 15 year old.

Your nearly 17 year old is dating a nearly 16 year old.

Nothing wrong with it.

I’m not. In two months my 16 year old WILL be 17 and he will still be 15.

so my 17 year old will be dating a 15 year old for 3 months until he turns 16.

OP posts:
Bigreddog25 · 18/09/2026 22:38

Why are you trying to make the age gap sound bigger than it is 🤣

Your 16 year old is dating a 15 year old.

Your nearly 17 year old is dating a nearly 16 year old.

Nothing wrong with it.

CalamityJane81 · 18/09/2026 20:17

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:07

It's still illegal though whether it's likely to be prosecuted or not, because 15-year olds aren't legally able to consent. The law exists to protect young people so isn't it best to encourage them to follow it?

Yes absolutely, which the OP was very clear about. This was a response to people talking about criminal repercussions, which there would likely be none. I responded to the thread before this, reiterating that OP needs to remind her daughter about the legalities, you maybe didn’t see that.

JESSICAASHLEY · 18/09/2026 20:12

Lots of replies since my last reply and I really appreciate them all.

I’m not worried about a sexual relationship in the immediate future. Although she is 16, she’s only kissed a couple of boys and is very open with me, enough to tell me that she’s not ready for anything more physical at this time. However, we have discussed safe sex and I do think she would come to me if she needed anything.

I do wonder if there’s an element that there may be less pressure if she’s with a younger boy which makes him more attractive to her, she’s not immature by any means, but is quite naive when it comes to physical relations.

It’s the fact that she is at college and he is at school that I suppose made me feel a bit wierd. If they were 21 and 23 age doesn’t really matter. My own husband is a year younger than me. But I do agree with posters who are saying if she was at the sixth form attached to the school, again I may feel differently.

it’s not the actual age or the age gap. It’s the fact he is still at school and not yet 16.

re the replies about friends taking the piss / thinking it’s a bit peadoy, no one has said anything to her and she has friends who are also in a relationship where the girl is older than they boy. It doesn’t seem to be a problem in her circle.

Glad I posted though to gauge other people’s thoughts as genuinely was questioning it and I do feel better.

At their age, it very well may fizzle out soon but we will see.

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 18/09/2026 20:09

x2boys · 18/09/2026 14:30

This is so true my son is 19 and horrified at dating anyone who is even just a year younger then him
Which i find very strange

It's weird. I told my Dh 18 that my teen boyfriend was two years older than me, we started to go out when I was 15 and he was just turning 17. He said the guy was a paedo. It really annoyed me actually, I was maturer than the boy most of the time, there was only one school year between us and more to the point we weren't having sex. We were teens who were in love, a normal healthy thing that people seem to have forgotten can happen. Everyone's mind goes straight to nude pics and sex.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/09/2026 19:32

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:24

No, she means in ten years people might view the same situation very differently.

Edited

Even if they were to see it differently, so what?

Minasama · 18/09/2026 19:27

Unlike lots of the posters here I totally get your concern. However I think all you can do is talk to her about the age of consent, keep open lines of communication and hopefully meet him soon.
You may find it fizzles out in a month or two because she finds him a little young.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:24

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/09/2026 19:21

So you'd have a problem in ten years' time when they are 25 and 26? That seems rational Confused

No, she means in ten years people might view the same situation very differently.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 18/09/2026 19:24

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:17

I don't disagree. It's weird to me though that you're so in favour of ignoring the law, given that it exists to protect youngsters.

Because blindly following the law regardless of the situation is not what sensible people do.

JaneFoe · 18/09/2026 19:22

StripedTee · 18/09/2026 19:07

It's still illegal though whether it's likely to be prosecuted or not, because 15-year olds aren't legally able to consent. The law exists to protect young people so isn't it best to encourage them to follow it?

The 16 year old daughter going to the pub and buying alcohol is also illegal. @JESSICAASHLEY doesn't have a problem with that. Would she be ok with a 21 year old or older, dating her 16 year old? Perfectly legal for them to have sex.

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