AIBU to be fed up with inappropriate comments from men at work

Think you're being pretty sensitive here. Most of these are just non events.

He probably put a kiss on the end as he does it with his wife or something and it’s just a habit. Can’t get worked up about any of it tbh

Couldn’t disagree more, they’re all awful

inappropriate and sexual

The benefits one, I would just have said my finances were not his business and moved on. The 'hello beautiful' greeting wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest, cheesy but harmless provided there was nothing else. Same for the x in the message. People just overuse it, it's unprofessional but I'd ignore it . The massage is definitely creepy.

Not appropriate and your employer has a duty to protect you from sexual harassment so what are they doing?

But I agree with PP that I'd grow a thicker skin and choose my battles, none of your examples are firmly in the 'intended to be harassment' categories, it's more a pattern and I get it's wearing but if it's different people each time not much can be done.

Think you're being pretty sensitive here. Most of these are just non events
Totally agree. You might not like it, just mention it politely. None of what you shared would bother me.

It's inappropriate from your personal perspective not from an overall behaviour perspective.

If by 'property' you are talking of construction sites then I'd say its pretty normalised attitude from many men. Things can quickly get out if hand though as I found out.

Having an ex as one of the subcontractors shout across the site "you're just a donkey everyone wants to ride" and having his mates jeering along is very innapropriate and also untrue I might add. It followed a tremultous short relationship where I quickly found out said person was abusive and controlling. I raised my concern with a colleague on three occassions as i was getting harassed on the way to lunch everyday and would turn and walk in the opposite direction. Mum and Dad would see him drive his van past our house and stare into our window and I had numerous hang up phone calls. On the last occassion at work the cctv footage was trawled through and they saw the incident with their own eyes and me walking away in the other direction. The PM was involved and he told the contractors Manager in no uncertain terms that he would be red carded and not allowed to return to site.

Some are, some you are completely over-reacting.

Contractor saying "morning beautiful". you are ridiculous

When speaking to a male colleague, about being tired he then said I needed a massage. Total ick, put him straight that I did not need that. But just urghh.
unless you are missing out half the conversation, what on earth is wrong with that?

If you would be fine with a female colleague, it tells you all you need to know.

I get the first three, but the last could just be habit. I once said, ‘love you, bye’ to someone from the council, and I definitely wasn’t trying to be inappropriate.

I once emailed our new headmaster ( I was a staff member) and without thinking put a kiss at the end of the message !

Contractor saying "morning beautiful".
With all due respect, at 47 he was most likely delivering this with some irony or just wanted to be nice. If you were a 20 something stunner he was actually attracted to he most likely would have hesitated to say such things, but he obviously felt it was a safe bet. Typical tradesman talk. I witness them faux-flirting with middle aged/older ladies and they’re just being nice/trying to pass time in the day. You’re safe.

This is a segue on my part but I don't think that's fair to say without seeing OP. I've noticed this belief on here that women over the age of 35 are no longer very attractive and I just don't see that in the people I know. In general, younger generations are aging much better and a 47-year old woman now doesn't look like a 47-year old from 1995. I once worked with a former Miss World winner and she was stunning at 50, more so than than my fellow 20-something year olds.

Instead of coming on a forum for a whinge, you should either (a) call out the remarks when they happen, or (b) inform your line manager / HR that you don’t like a comment that’s been made to you.

Apart from the massage comment, none of the things you’ve stated seem to be particularly problematic - clearly they aren’t what you’d want, and if you take particular issue with them you need have a bit of agency and tell them / somebody.

“he was most likely”

Did you miss that part?

Yes there’s a possibility she could look like how Salma Hayek did at 47, but basing purely on the average attractiveness of a 47 year old in the UK I’d say it’s unlikely.

The massage may have been a real suggestion perhaps he has massages (not that sort) that make him feel good. I guess you can only know the intent from the body language with a snigger or a leer not good. Contractors tend to call all women beautiful or something such, brightens my day, but I'm old as the hills, so obviously no inuendo. I thought for a minute the other guy was offering coffee with a kiss, an x on the bottom of a message is fine and probably just habit, unless you know different. Most of this would have passed me by and hardly registered.

Well you could just call them out ? I had a guy at work who used to call me dear,, I felt about 90 but it was harmless

For the posters saying that the 'Hello beautiful ' comment is appropriate, do they think for one moment that he would greet a male colleague with 'Hello handsome '?

none of your examples are firmly in the 'intended to be harassment' categories

Doesn't matter what was intended - if someone on the receiving end feels harassed, it's harassment.

With all due respect, at 47 he was most likely delivering this with some irony or just wanted to be nice.

This sounds naive and ageist. I can assure you, in my 50s and definitely not looking like Salma Hayek, men don't stop trying.

I don't agree there's nothing to be done. I work in a male-dominated field and have been my current role for two years. I am currently talking to HR about improving harassment training. I've experienced a number of minor incidents, none of which are really terrible, but I want people to be more aware of what behaviours, comments etc can count as harassment, because in a couple of cases, I could have gone to HR, and other people might have. They need to know what the law is to protect themselves as much as anything. If they behave like idiots after that, then that's up to them, but I'd like to start with education and reflection.

I've worked in IT for around 30 years. There have been loads of minor incidents like above. (And some more major ones.) None of them has been a big deal on its own, but OMG, it gets tiring. Death by 1000 cuts and all that. Most of my colleagues past and present have been averagely good guys. They just need to think a bit more sometimes - but if no one ever says anything, why woukd they realise that thinking before speaking is a good idea?

Id be offended at the benefits one.
The morning beautiful would get an eye roll.
The massage, I'd suggest that to a colleague myself ( male or female) without thinking anything of it - they are therapeutic and lots of friends/ colleagues swear by them.
The x in the message will 100% be autopilot. I put an x on messages all the time. It's so normal that I have to make a conscious effort not to put an x on male friends/ colleagues messages. Sometimes autopilot 'wins' and they get one. I really hope they don't think I'm being creepy, because that type of thinking would be way off base.

Contractor saying "morning beautiful"
With all due respect, at 47 he was most likely delivering this with some irony or just wanted to be nice. If you were a 20 something stunner he was actually attracted to he most likely would have hesitated to say such things, but he obviously felt it was a safe bet. Typical tradesman talk. I witness them faux-flirting with middle aged/older ladies and they’re just being nice/trying to pass time in the day. You’re safe

Well its good to see misogyny is still going strong with the younger generations 🙄

Mmmmm. How old are you? I’m knocking 50 and I expressed this opinion recently to a very similarly aged friend ie that 50 year olds don’t look like they did in the 90s. She told me clearly that I am deluded and look every bit as much like 50 as my mum (and her mum did) at the same age! She’s right I am sure. I would assume that ‘hello beautiful’ was a joke but who knows? Maybe OP is drop dead gorgeous.

I always put an x at end of my messages xx

Some of the replies are unbelievable.
I agree that the last message could have been force of habit with the kiss but the rest absolutely not on. Do you have a HR? Speak to them and tell them training is needed.
I'm a bit shocked this is still going on in the workplace.

I work with men and yes they can be grim at times but where is your voice in all this?

”you should be on benefits”
Why do you think my financial situation is anything to do with you?

“Morning beautiful”
my name is x. I suggest you stick with that.

”you need a massage”
Agreed. What is your point?
If they offer said massage tell them you’d rather shit in your hands and clap.

the kiss thing in the message I couldn’t get worked up about. I sometimes do that by mistake. If they push for a coffee and you don’t want to go, just say “no” with no explanation. They will understand that perfectly well.

Use your words op, you will feel far better for it.

I agree with this.
I’m not that far off OP’s age and I get a fair bit of male attention. It’s not because they’re being ironic or because they’re bored either.
Most of it is from men who are at least ten years older than me, but it’s still unwanted male attention. OP didn’t say anything about how old these men were.