AIBU to be fed up with inappropriate comments from men at work

Same. The man commenting on the OP's financial situation needs to be told next time (FIRMLY) that her finances are not his concern, and to stay out of her business. The massage comment was creepy as fuck, and no WAY would he say this to a man, and the 'hello beautiful comment' IMO wasn't that bad. Yes he wouldn't have said it to a man, but I don't think this was that bad. Just as a one off. But does he say this - or something similar - every time he sees her? THAT would get annoying! I really dislike sycophants.

I find it incredulous though that a few posters have said that he wouldn't have meant it, (the guy who said 'hello beautiful!') as no way can a 47 year old woman still look good! I know many women around that age who still look good, and are attractive, and still get male attention. AND women who are older. One of the most attractive women I know is a 63 year old German lady who lives in my village. Striking blue eyes, and natural blonde hair, and so much style. Another woman in my village is a mix of Jamaican and Filipina, and she is striking! Looks like a fashion model! She has just celebrated her 50th birthday!

'Women aged 47 can't be attractive' is either coming from a man, or a woman who has never ever been attractive, and has had little attention from men. When you are a woman who is classed as conventionally attractive, and have put up with unwanted attention from men, (and have been doing so since you were bloody twelve!) the comments and catcalls get you down a bit. They still continue (for some women,) way past 47!

'All right luv, give us a smile' is fairly harmless in itself, but when it's the 15th time you've heard it that week, it wears you down.

And as I said, these men would NEVER say stuff like this to a man. Imagine a man saying to another man 'give us a smile mate, things could be worse!' with stupid fucking grin. Most men would say 'fuck off!'

@Samantha08 YANBU, and do keep an eye on these men, and make a note of what's being said, and when. Keep a diary. If it carries on, I would make an issue of it, and complain...

Sorry, total non events.

Beautiful - reply, thank you gorgeous!

X on the end of a message, complete and utter non event.

Interesting you made an assumption on my age, I am not in my 20s either.

I don’t care if I’m labelled misogynistic, I live in the real world and go off reality.

They are all unacceptable comments.
The posters discussing whether or not the OP is likely to be beautiful or not are a great example of women doing the patriarchy’s work for it.

Doesn't matter what was intended - if someone on the receiving end feels harassed, it's harassment.

you won't be able to say "good morning" to the permanently offended soon. But then, if you don't say "good morning" to them, they will ALSO feel harassed.😂

You can't win with some people. Working in HR is even worst than dealing with school parents

This is an excellent observation / comparison.

I agree with all of this you're 47 not 22. Please don't let things bother you x

I agree with this, and it's what I'd like training to focus on. Everyone knows you're not meant to grope someone by the printer. But they might not be aware these low level things could be creating a hostile work environment and that sort of thing. I'm pretty sure that's the case in my workplace.

The updated employment law means your employer should also protect you from clients, contractors, customers who are harassing you.

We had a contractor sacked last year because of sexual harassment- much easier to get rid of him; permission are entitled to a full disciplinary investigation and interviews.

I think each incident on its own could be easily dismissed but the cultural impact of lots of low level sexism/inappropriate behaviour and comments can feel demeaning.
I would suggest the organisation needs to roll out some sexual misconduct in the workplace training with a particular focus on frequent, low level issues. I think people sometimes genuinely don’t know what’s meant by sexual harassment and think it amounts to overt behaviour such as inappropriate touching- it’s much broader and often far more deeply ingrained.

Apologies Samantha08
I see that you said you are meeting these men through your work, not that they are your colleagues.
I'd ask the company to put a disclaimer that comments like will not be tolerated.

It’s astoundingly rude to suggest a 47 year old woman couldn’t be attractive and so a twenty something year old “stunner” would be the right target audience for sexual interest.
51 and leaving my obviously “stunning” looks and married status aside aside I get more unwanted male attention from 40 upwards than I did before then. To the point that one 30 something year old man married to a STUNNER actually went OTT in his approach into dangerous territory.
OP - you will get the obviously dismissive comments because how DARE a 47 year old have notions of herself… etc.
If you don’t like the behaviours, and you are perfectly okay not to, it’s a good idea to shut them down in an HR appropriate way as its work.

I agree with this.
I’m not that far off OP’s age and I get a fair bit of male attention. It’s not because they’re being ironic or because they’re bored either.
Most of it is from men who are at least ten years older than me, but it’s still unwanted male attention. OP didn’t say anything about how old these men were.

I work with men and yes they can be grim at times but where is your voice in all this?

”you should be on benefits”
Why do you think my financial situation is anything to do with you?

“Morning beautiful”
my name is x. I suggest you stick with that.

”you need a massage”
Agreed. What is your point?
If they offer said massage tell them you’d rather shit in your hands and clap.

the kiss thing in the message I couldn’t get worked up about. I sometimes do that by mistake. If they push for a coffee and you don’t want to go, just say “no” with no explanation. They will understand that perfectly well.

Use your words op, you will feel far better for it.

Some of the replies are unbelievable.
I agree that the last message could have been force of habit with the kiss but the rest absolutely not on. Do you have a HR? Speak to them and tell them training is needed.
I'm a bit shocked this is still going on in the workplace.

I always put an x at end of my messages xx

Mmmmm. How old are you? I’m knocking 50 and I expressed this opinion recently to a very similarly aged friend ie that 50 year olds don’t look like they did in the 90s. She told me clearly that I am deluded and look every bit as much like 50 as my mum (and her mum did) at the same age! She’s right I am sure. I would assume that ‘hello beautiful’ was a joke but who knows? Maybe OP is drop dead gorgeous.

Contractor saying "morning beautiful"
With all due respect, at 47 he was most likely delivering this with some irony or just wanted to be nice. If you were a 20 something stunner he was actually attracted to he most likely would have hesitated to say such things, but he obviously felt it was a safe bet. Typical tradesman talk. I witness them faux-flirting with middle aged/older ladies and they’re just being nice/trying to pass time in the day. You’re safe

Well its good to see misogyny is still going strong with the younger generations 🙄

Id be offended at the benefits one.
The morning beautiful would get an eye roll.
The massage, I'd suggest that to a colleague myself ( male or female) without thinking anything of it - they are therapeutic and lots of friends/ colleagues swear by them.
The x in the message will 100% be autopilot. I put an x on messages all the time. It's so normal that I have to make a conscious effort not to put an x on male friends/ colleagues messages. Sometimes autopilot 'wins' and they get one. I really hope they don't think I'm being creepy, because that type of thinking would be way off base.

none of your examples are firmly in the 'intended to be harassment' categories

Doesn't matter what was intended - if someone on the receiving end feels harassed, it's harassment.

With all due respect, at 47 he was most likely delivering this with some irony or just wanted to be nice.

This sounds naive and ageist. I can assure you, in my 50s and definitely not looking like Salma Hayek, men don't stop trying.

I don't agree there's nothing to be done. I work in a male-dominated field and have been my current role for two years. I am currently talking to HR about improving harassment training. I've experienced a number of minor incidents, none of which are really terrible, but I want people to be more aware of what behaviours, comments etc can count as harassment, because in a couple of cases, I could have gone to HR, and other people might have. They need to know what the law is to protect themselves as much as anything. If they behave like idiots after that, then that's up to them, but I'd like to start with education and reflection.

I've worked in IT for around 30 years. There have been loads of minor incidents like above. (And some more major ones.) None of them has been a big deal on its own, but OMG, it gets tiring. Death by 1000 cuts and all that. Most of my colleagues past and present have been averagely good guys. They just need to think a bit more sometimes - but if no one ever says anything, why woukd they realise that thinking before speaking is a good idea?

For the posters saying that the 'Hello beautiful ' comment is appropriate, do they think for one moment that he would greet a male colleague with 'Hello handsome '?

Well you could just call them out ? I had a guy at work who used to call me dear,, I felt about 90 but it was harmless

The massage may have been a real suggestion perhaps he has massages (not that sort) that make him feel good. I guess you can only know the intent from the body language with a snigger or a leer not good. Contractors tend to call all women beautiful or something such, brightens my day, but I'm old as the hills, so obviously no inuendo. I thought for a minute the other guy was offering coffee with a kiss, an x on the bottom of a message is fine and probably just habit, unless you know different. Most of this would have passed me by and hardly registered.

“he was most likely”

Did you miss that part?

Yes there’s a possibility she could look like how Salma Hayek did at 47, but basing purely on the average attractiveness of a 47 year old in the UK I’d say it’s unlikely.

Instead of coming on a forum for a whinge, you should either (a) call out the remarks when they happen, or (b) inform your line manager / HR that you don’t like a comment that’s been made to you.

Apart from the massage comment, none of the things you’ve stated seem to be particularly problematic - clearly they aren’t what you’d want, and if you take particular issue with them you need have a bit of agency and tell them / somebody.