AIBU to refuse family use of our home for holidays?

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

If you've sold your half of the house, you can't give it to them to use - or did I miss something?

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

Yes, same here. Not that it's the main issue here, but I was thinking that I must have missed something too.

To whom did you sell your half, OP? Does this now mean that your PILs own half of a holiday home and strangers own the other half... or did you sell it to other family members or friends/acquaintances?

Either way, if your PILs still half-own a holiday home, surely it's up to them and the new owners of the other half to negotiate with the family members who want to use it, if they are in agreement; and to agree the costs of that (presuming the new owners are not close to your (extended) family members, and so will not be willing to let people who, they don't/barely know use their half for free)?

OR if your PILs sold their half at the same time as you sold yours - so presumably to a single purchaser of the whole property - why are the family not now bothering their parents to keep their holiday gravy train going? Why is it only your 'issue' to solve for them? Not that there is any issue, of course: as PP said, there are multiple options for them if they want accommodation in the area... just not free ones. Imagine, eh - people who want to enjoy a holiday expecting to actually pay for it!!

I cannot comprehend their cheek in not only not offering any money at all towards the electricity and wear and tear and also leaving it dirty. Not paying the market rate is one thing; but not offering a single penny and leaving it for you to clean on your holiday is peak chutzpah.

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

Surely the most obvious conclusion from the facts OP has given us, is that when OP and DH sold their parents sold too? Otherwise the holiday house would still be accessible through the parents.

Other scenarios seem pretty unlikely.

Yes, it wasn't clear but I guess that's the only scenario that really seems to make sense. But if that's the case, why is it now up to OP and DH to replace their free holidays, and not their parents (OP's PIL)? Why are they the bad guys? Who initiated/suggested/demanded the sale in the first place?

Not that the parents should have to bear the responsibility at all, but I'm guessing they're probably quite advanced in years, and likely giving a thought to what will happen to their assets when they're no longer around. If that's the case, I wonder if they will plan to leave the proceeds of their half of the holiday home to OP's DH's siblings only (and none to him) reckoning that he already had half of it - and completely ignoring the fact that he and OP took out a mortgage and paid for that half all by themselves?

I don't think they are seen as the bad guys, they're seen as the guys with a house near the beach.

Suspect if the parents had a nice house in a holiday-ish destination they'd be getting the calls.

I'm really cross about this and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Please help me mumsnetters. I have name changed in case this is outing. Sorry, it is long, so as to avoid a drip feed.

Back story, until very recently we owned a holiday house (just sold it this month). Half of the house belonged to me and DH and the other half was owned by DH parents. We bought our half off another relative and have owned our half for a long time, approximately 20 years.

The house is in a holiday location and has been used by DH siblings (and their partners and school aged children) as a holiday home for all of that time. They never offered any money for their stay. We didn't use it very often as we were not living in that country until a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately it appears that DH siblings viewed the house as something they were entitled to use, rather than a privilege. Obviously their parents also owned half of the house, which makes a difference to how they viewed it. On some occasions the house was left dirty after the siblings had used it and when we arrived to use it we had to clean it. They have also used it without asking, as they all have a key.

We now live in a different holiday location, about 3 hours drive away from the house, so don't need to go there for holidays anymore. But more importantly we have never rented the house, so we didn't ever benefit financially, but it cost us money in terms of maintenance. This is the reason for wanting to sell.

DH siblings have had many years of free holidays, at our expense, mainly during school holidays, when accommodation is expensive. Sadly for them with the sale of the house this has now come to an end.

There is a school holiday coming up here very soon. We as a family (me, DH and our DCs) are going overseas for the holidays, meaning our main house (our permanent family home) will be empty. One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them.

I am really annoyed about this. It feels like after years and years of having free holidays in the holiday house at our expense, they now want to use our own home as an alternative.

I don't want them to use it. I don't want the stress of having to get our house ready for guests when we we're already preparing for our own trip. I dont like the idea of other people using our home when were not there. But also I think this is really cheeky and they seem to expect us to still be responsible for providing them with a free holiday.

I think allowing them to use our own house now is effectively sending the message to them that this is now their holiday home, as a replacement and sets a precedent that whenever we are away they can use it. AIBU to not want them to use it?

DH does sort of agree with me on this, however instead wants to tell them they can come to ours when we are there for a 'beach holiday'. Whilst I don't have a problem with then coming to stay for a couple of days when we're here, I don't think he should be starting to offer them 'beach holidays ' in our house at this point, being so close to the sale of the holiday house, as in my opinion it's still giving them the impression that we're responsible for providing them with holidays.

Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

I like how your husband has slyly brought in the fact that your side of family come and stay with you all as a reason why you should allow your home to become his family’s new free holiday home when his siiblings had used your holiday home as though it was theirs, left it dirty for you to clean up and sometimes never asked. The bil even expected you to find other accommodation when you went there once as he was using it!
I wouldn’t worry about falling out with them and just tell them straight, no our home is not a holiday let, tell your husband that under no circumstances will you allow that to happen! If he feels that guilty maybe he should pay for his siblings holidays himself if it eases his guilt, that will soon snap him out of any lingering guilt!

Cheeky entitled lazy arse holes. It's our home, not a holiday let which incidentally wouldn't it have been great if you actually acknowledged all the free holidays you've had. Grateful, paid for? Cleaned up, bought a nice thank you? Anything else?

They live over an hours drive away and we live in a popular tourist town (near to lots of other tourist towns) so if they were here they would be doing holiday stuff and visiting places they wouldn't normally go to, different walks, parks, cafes etc and we're near to a beach and they are not.

All previous school holidays they have used the holiday house, so that's kept their DC entertained. This is the first school holidays where they haven't had free accommodation, so she's obviously as a loss now. She could always book and pay for accommodation, like most other people have to do.

I agree, its definitely a no forever!