Page 14 | AIBU to refuse family use of our home for holidays?

Holidaymodeon · 17/09/2026 19:14

Just lie. Say your own family or close friends are renting it for the holiday seasons for the foreseeable future and paying huge bucks so you aren’t in the position to turn them down because it not only funds your holidays but leaves you with money left over too, all the years of subsidising other people’s holidays has finally paid off and you’ve never been so happy.

Therescathairinmybath · 17/09/2026 19:18

suki1964 · 17/09/2026 18:42

Seriously?

Have you ever done that?

As I say I dont actually " feed " them as such. just have the normal tea,coffee, bread, milk , biscuits etc in, they would pay for a take away or a meal out ,

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I will provide bedding and towels but guests have to make up and strip their own beds (I have a bad back). I don’t do much cooking or cook from scratch so anyone that knows me really doesn’t expect it from me. Life is much easier being a bad host!

QueenietheGreat · 17/09/2026 19:19

@SayingNoToFamily
Just say a very firm resounding NO
You don't owe them anything and presumptive grabby types like them will always take advantage
Do you really want them rooting through your drawers, going through cupboards and possibly damaging your house? And this is just for starters as you'll then be expected to tolerate this year in and year out alongside spiralling household bills
One thing that got me was DHs sibling complaining about lack of entertainment for her liddle darlings
I say, tell her with all the money saved from holidaying at your expense to put her hand in her pocket and spend some of what she's saved over all this time!
Personally as well I'd not have them to stay when in residence myself either
They may see this a thin wedge to completely open your front door
Willing to bet if the shoe was on the other foot you'd have to have paid to stay
And when the house was sold
You've been the last to know
Do not give in and stand firm

Foodieasfuck · 17/09/2026 19:21

It sounds like you have given and they have taken for long enough. All good things come to an end! Do what suits you not what suits them!

godmum56 · 17/09/2026 19:22

VickyEadie · 17/09/2026 11:27

Just to be a right irritating bugger, we DO - in fact - let my brother and his wife use our house (we live by the sea) when we're away! but we OFFERED it - they'd never have dreamed of asking. And they leave it absolutely spotless and leave treats and put wine in the fridge for us. I love my brother and enjoy them staying here.

HOWEVER - OP'S relatives are being cheeky fuckers and she's going to need to take charge of telling them avery firm "NO."

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we used to let my inlaws borrow our house, but again we offered.

Sam9769 · 17/09/2026 19:24

Tell them to fuck right off and not to come back!!

LittlePaintBox · 17/09/2026 19:26

Onautopilot · 17/09/2026 02:15

Duckduck, I think DSil won't want to rent OP's house, she will expect it free!
Her DC's would love a rummage through their cousins stuff, let alone yours, and if they previously left the cottage messy OP would be crazy to go along with this.
DH needs to say absolutely not! It will be the thin end of the wedge.

Completely agree with this. It sounds as if they have little respect for your property, will your insurers pay out to repair any major damage they cause when you've left them in charge of your house?

I wouldn't bother saying anything 'gently', or saying 'I'm sorry, but I don't want to lend the house out while we're away'. I mean, if you're going to go to all the trouble of clearing the house ready for visitors, you might as well rent it out while you're away! You could also then take the cost of any damage, or getting cleaners in, from the deposit.

It sounds like you've slipped into doing far too much for these cheeky blighters, and it must stop now. Otherwise you're going to end up never going on holiday to keep them out! And for heaven's sake, don't be guilted into hosting them for a holiday while you're at home.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but sometimes you've just got to put your foot down and take the flak for your and your family's long term wellbeing. Good luck!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 17/09/2026 19:26

Just say no. When they whine and complain reply it’s not up for discussion.

If they continue, ask why they want to jeopardise your relationship with them by making demands/requests you have already declined.

Then back away from the grifting freeloaders.

Don't explain, just be clear and consistent. No means no.

Foodwench66 · 17/09/2026 19:33

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 13:52

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

No need to make an excuse. Sorry that won't be possible is the only reason they need. Repeat it like a broken record if they pester you. But You need to be the one that says No I think.

I went through something similar with my Hubby when we got married with boundary lacking peeps. I like entertaining and am very generous, but He had a lot of hangers on people and had trouble enforcing normal boundaries. He is a bit of a hero martyr type and old habits die hard.
At one point I told him I was losing romantic feelings for him because his weakness about this gave me the ick. He was very very upset about it but It woke him up a bit. We are stronger than ever nearly 10 years married now but there were growng pains.

You will for sure need to be the bad guy here to make sure they get the message!

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 17/09/2026 19:34

I don't think you should ever have to lie to what is essentially an unreasonable request. Tell them straight, "It's my/our home, you've put your brother in an awkward position because whilst he doesn't want to say no to you, he also knows that I'm wholly uncomfortable about your request. So I'll tell you direct, I don't want anyone in my home whilst we are away, it's my prerogative to say no! I'm sure you understand my pov and wouldn't want to cause friction between us"

Booboobagins · 17/09/2026 19:40

What utter CFs.

YANBU, your DH needs to grow a pair and send then links to airbnbs nearby.

MeridianB · 17/09/2026 19:42

Arghghgh! I’m raging on your behalf @SayingNoToFamily

They have become waaaay too comfortable. So glad you’re not letting them start a whole new cycle of cheekyfuckery in your home.

Your DH needs to know how strongly you feel about this. And them holidaying by staying with you sounds like it would easily involve you paying for everything, cooking everything and cleaning everything. It’s so wrong.

Could your ILs support the new position of ‘holiday home via Saying has gone’?

Kisskiss · 17/09/2026 19:42

AnonyMumAuDHD · 17/09/2026 13:53

Just to add, if you need ammo for your DH: It is one thing to allow access to a holiday home, where even if you leave items between visits, is a ‘blank slate’ space. It does not have your personal items, medicine cabinets with your private items, kitchens stocked with equipment you have bought or been gifted, favourite mugs that you have collected, a collection of wine/spirits that you both drink, wardrobes filled with your personal clothing and undies, your files and financial data and letters sitting in drawers and on shelves, your neighbours who you need to co-exist with the remainder of the year ie a relationship you need to respect/protect, your Sky/Netflix and other accounts that have your preferences saved may be messed with in your absence (my DC and DH would find this irritating if they are suddenly been suggested to watch romance films when their algorithm is set for sci-fi, horror and sport!).

You may, of course have one or two ‘guest rooms’ in your home, that are largely empty, but these are only used when you are present, and access to all your private spaces is not implied when you have guest come to visit and use those rooms.

VIP: Furthermore, your household insurance policies will NOT cover you for theft, fire, flood or other damage caused by visitors in your absence. House sitters, professional ones, have their own insurance cover for this reason. People who Air BnB or rent their properties have specialist insurance - you would be completely unprotected in the case of an unforeseen calamitous event.

So again - just say NO.

Exactly… you don’t have to make up any excuse because saying ‘NO’ is perfectly reasonable. It’s possible to say no and not fall out, if they fall out with you over this then it’s their problem tbh. It’s your actual home and anybody with a family knows how much hassle going for holidays and prepping homes for guests are

Realworld10 · 17/09/2026 19:55

If you do it once it would be one expected.

However, if it was my siblings and they struggled to afford a holiday I would want to let them. They would however be respectful, clean up and buy thank you gifts and DC are very well behaved.

Ethelspagetti · 17/09/2026 20:00

I think you’ll regret it. I would not start anything!. This is your home!

HonorBound · 17/09/2026 20:17

never give a reason to a CF when you say no, as a CF will always find a way around your made up or otherwise reason they can't use the house whilst you are away

never encourage a CF, they jump at the chance of a sniff of anything

best thing is to prune them very low to the ground so when they regrow they aren't sure of the freebies on offer

GrantMyWishes · 17/09/2026 20:17

OP, I know you've said that you feel it should be your DH that tells his cheeky relations that they can't use your home for their holidays, but it seems that he's likely to cave under the slightest pressure, so why not just text your SIL, and say, 'DH has told me that you've asked to use our home for a holiday while we're away. I'm sorry, but the answer is no. It is our home, not an Airbnb, so please don't ask again, as the answer will always be the same.

I would then text any other CF relatives who are likely to ask, and tell them that you've been asked by SIL if she and her family could use your house as a holiday home while you are away on holiday yourselves, you have told her no, as it is your home, not an Airbnb, and just to be clear you want to let everyone know that this is the case, so as to avoid any upset with any other members of the family.

Oopstheregoesanotherhouseplant · 17/09/2026 20:22

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 13:52

Thanks for all of your comments and advice. I wasn't sure if I was being mean saying no, but it seems I'm not being unreasonable.

I agree I do have DH problem, I think he feels guilty that 'their' holiday home is gone and is trying to compensate, as a poster suggested.

I won't be allowing them to use the house, but probably will make an excuse as to why, even though I'd love to tell them they are CFs, I don't want to fall out with them.

would it also be the case that any prep and cleaning would fall to you to organise?

Either way it’s a hard no. 3000 plus votes and 99% say no. Pretty unequivocal! So entitled.

I live in a holiday town and was pressured by DHs friends to stay while we were away just after one of my parents died and just before the funeral. The wife was so pushy. I found it so hard to say no and she didn’t pick up the hints (my funeral packing will be out, I don’t have enough linen etc). Some people just feel really entitled and the timing of that felt really hurtful.

TeaAndTattoos · 17/09/2026 20:22

What on earth have I just read they can’t be serious no one is that entitled surely. I would tell them to F off and sort out their own holiday accommodation because your own home is not up for use by them or anyone else cheeky bastards.

Letthesunshine1234 · 17/09/2026 20:22

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 03:19

They live over an hours drive away and we live in a popular tourist town (near to lots of other tourist towns) so if they were here they would be doing holiday stuff and visiting places they wouldn't normally go to, different walks, parks, cafes etc and we're near to a beach and they are not.

All previous school holidays they have used the holiday house, so that's kept their DC entertained. This is the first school holidays where they haven't had free accommodation, so she's obviously as a loss now. She could always book and pay for accommodation, like most other people have to do.

I agree, its definitely a no forever!

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I had this exact issue with my BIL - he got divorced and then every time I went on holiday he wanted to come and stay at my house for a free holiday with his children. It was a nightmare getting the house clean before we left. As husband did not do any holiday prep he thought it was fine and great for his brother. It caused a big issue and I just said no more in the end. I think you should just say not when your away but you would live them to visit another time whilst you are there as it would be lovely to see them. Don’t make my mistake

Bluedenimdoglover · 17/09/2026 20:23

Just say "No" - it's not a holiday home it's your home. No ifs, no buts.

Dugongs · 17/09/2026 20:29

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 01:24

I'm really cross about this and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Please help me mumsnetters. I have name changed in case this is outing. Sorry, it is long, so as to avoid a drip feed.

Back story, until very recently we owned a holiday house (just sold it this month). Half of the house belonged to me and DH and the other half was owned by DH parents. We bought our half off another relative and have owned our half for a long time, approximately 20 years.

The house is in a holiday location and has been used by DH siblings (and their partners and school aged children) as a holiday home for all of that time. They never offered any money for their stay. We didn't use it very often as we were not living in that country until a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately it appears that DH siblings viewed the house as something they were entitled to use, rather than a privilege. Obviously their parents also owned half of the house, which makes a difference to how they viewed it. On some occasions the house was left dirty after the siblings had used it and when we arrived to use it we had to clean it. They have also used it without asking, as they all have a key.

We now live in a different holiday location, about 3 hours drive away from the house, so don't need to go there for holidays anymore. But more importantly we have never rented the house, so we didn't ever benefit financially, but it cost us money in terms of maintenance. This is the reason for wanting to sell.

DH siblings have had many years of free holidays, at our expense, mainly during school holidays, when accommodation is expensive. Sadly for them with the sale of the house this has now come to an end.

There is a school holiday coming up here very soon. We as a family (me, DH and our DCs) are going overseas for the holidays, meaning our main house (our permanent family home) will be empty. One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them.

I am really annoyed about this. It feels like after years and years of having free holidays in the holiday house at our expense, they now want to use our own home as an alternative.

I don't want them to use it. I don't want the stress of having to get our house ready for guests when we we're already preparing for our own trip. I dont like the idea of other people using our home when were not there. But also I think this is really cheeky and they seem to expect us to still be responsible for providing them with a free holiday.

I think allowing them to use our own house now is effectively sending the message to them that this is now their holiday home, as a replacement and sets a precedent that whenever we are away they can use it. AIBU to not want them to use it?

DH does sort of agree with me on this, however instead wants to tell them they can come to ours when we are there for a 'beach holiday'. Whilst I don't have a problem with then coming to stay for a couple of days when we're here, I don't think he should be starting to offer them 'beach holidays ' in our house at this point, being so close to the sale of the holiday house, as in my opinion it's still giving them the impression that we're responsible for providing them with holidays.

Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

Just don't do it.
A holiday home is different and this ask is crossing the line.
Nip it in the bud NOW or you make a rod for your own back.
It is pretty simple to me!
And to be honest, not sure if you'd want them to stay when you are there - will you end up as a babysitter while they go out and have fun?! Will you be cleaner and chief bottle-washer!!
JUST SAY NO!

GlitteryRainbow · 17/09/2026 20:30

Tell them they are welcome to use the house and quote them the rate of an equivalent AirBnB.

Partickthistle · 17/09/2026 20:30

What a preposterous request from your SIL! It's one thing freeloading the use of your holiday home, but to even consider using your family home for a freebie is another. Don't set a precedent here.

Fantomfartflinger · 17/09/2026 20:35

What do these relatives do for you? What gifts did they give you for staying at your home? What’s in it for you?

Anyway the answer is easy, your home is not a holiday home so cannot be used as one. They are cheeky to even ask? I would ignore them, it doesn’t warrant an explanation.