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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to refuse family use of our home for holidays?

389 replies

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 01:24

I'm really cross about this and don't know if I'm being unreasonable. Please help me mumsnetters. I have name changed in case this is outing. Sorry, it is long, so as to avoid a drip feed.

Back story, until very recently we owned a holiday house (just sold it this month). Half of the house belonged to me and DH and the other half was owned by DH parents. We bought our half off another relative and have owned our half for a long time, approximately 20 years.

The house is in a holiday location and has been used by DH siblings (and their partners and school aged children) as a holiday home for all of that time. They never offered any money for their stay. We didn't use it very often as we were not living in that country until a couple of years ago.

Unfortunately it appears that DH siblings viewed the house as something they were entitled to use, rather than a privilege. Obviously their parents also owned half of the house, which makes a difference to how they viewed it. On some occasions the house was left dirty after the siblings had used it and when we arrived to use it we had to clean it. They have also used it without asking, as they all have a key.

We now live in a different holiday location, about 3 hours drive away from the house, so don't need to go there for holidays anymore. But more importantly we have never rented the house, so we didn't ever benefit financially, but it cost us money in terms of maintenance. This is the reason for wanting to sell.

DH siblings have had many years of free holidays, at our expense, mainly during school holidays, when accommodation is expensive. Sadly for them with the sale of the house this has now come to an end.

There is a school holiday coming up here very soon. We as a family (me, DH and our DCs) are going overseas for the holidays, meaning our main house (our permanent family home) will be empty. One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them.

I am really annoyed about this. It feels like after years and years of having free holidays in the holiday house at our expense, they now want to use our own home as an alternative.

I don't want them to use it. I don't want the stress of having to get our house ready for guests when we we're already preparing for our own trip. I dont like the idea of other people using our home when were not there. But also I think this is really cheeky and they seem to expect us to still be responsible for providing them with a free holiday.

I think allowing them to use our own house now is effectively sending the message to them that this is now their holiday home, as a replacement and sets a precedent that whenever we are away they can use it. AIBU to not want them to use it?

DH does sort of agree with me on this, however instead wants to tell them they can come to ours when we are there for a 'beach holiday'. Whilst I don't have a problem with then coming to stay for a couple of days when we're here, I don't think he should be starting to offer them 'beach holidays ' in our house at this point, being so close to the sale of the holiday house, as in my opinion it's still giving them the impression that we're responsible for providing them with holidays.

Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
BrightLeader · 17/09/2026 18:27

Absolutely not. They are acting like entitled spoiled brats tbh. A definite no in my book & a bunch of users & free loaders.

Jorge14 · 17/09/2026 18:27

It is a hard no from me. After them leaving the holiday home dirty I would have even put a stop to that, absolute cheek! I couldn’t stand the thought of someone in my actual home when I’m not there and I really can’t believe people have this much cheek. You don’t need to give a reason by the way, just say no.

SirenScream · 17/09/2026 18:27

They need a big bold NO

Luckystarss · 17/09/2026 18:28

Not sure if it was suggested but perhaps you could say that your house insurance doesn’t allow this, sorry …

And you would not to risk any accidents while you away. Better safe than sorry

Genevieva · 17/09/2026 18:28

Just tell your DH it’s no. No ifs or buts. Just no. Blame insurance if you have to.

rb124 · 17/09/2026 18:28

If you've sold your half of the house, you can't give it to them to use - or did I miss something?

Lovebombednotloved · 17/09/2026 18:30

It’s YOUR HOME. It’s the home of your children. Your in-laws have their own homes. It really is as simple as that, they’ve been indulged enough. All your personal possessions are in YOUR HOME, it’s not a dosshouse or crash pad or shag palace for others. Sorry to be so blunt but it’s so bloody cheeky to use YOUR HOME as a free Airbnb. Your husband needs to be equally on board. Your in-laws are being cheeky and cheap.

JenRummy · 17/09/2026 18:30

Hell no! Reset needed. Give an inch they’ll take a mile by sounds of it. Wouldn’t be offering beach holidays! Let them stay in hotels or self catering, why would you create a new expectation with all the work & hassle that goes with it. Hard no now will create a boundary.

Foodwench66 · 17/09/2026 18:32

They asked if your house is available for their holiday??? Like it's a communally owned property?? The Nerve! Or as I like to say, The NOIVE
I'm a bit confounded that this is even a question in your mind. I would say No, No way. You already know that these people have a sense of entitlement and leave messes and have no manners or couth.
Time to channel Charlotte Dobre....Absolutely Naaaaawt!
Don't tell anyone when you're going away anymore either. It's a good practice as you never know if they would break in. Or random break ins as well.

And tell Hubby to zip it about them ever coming to your home for a beach holiday when you're there. Sssshhhhhh Hubby!

Also, you could ignore them entirely and not even respond, I have ignored many an outrageous request in recent years :)
But You are probably nicer than I am so.....

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/09/2026 18:33

Shelby2010 · 17/09/2026 17:00

Or the CF siblings could buy their own holiday home that you can borrow for free.

Yes, there's a possible response - 'SIL, isn't it YOUR turn to provide free holiday accommodation for us?'

Moveoverdarlin · 17/09/2026 18:34

Cheeky bastards.

Bollihobs · 17/09/2026 18:37

DuckDuckG00se · 17/09/2026 02:05

Yanbu how rude!!

One of DH siblings, who would usually go to the holiday home, has messaged him to say she doesn't know how she's going to entertain her DCs over the holiday and asking if our house is on offer to them

Treat it as a joke and when they get sniffy tell then you thought they must have been joking and sorry but you're not renting out your home as an air bnb. Leave it at that and don't engage further.

This is the approach I would use - bat it away with humour. "😂Oh gosh no, our house definitely isn't ever going to be "holiday home mark II" !! Hope you have a nice time wherever you do go." Humour first but point made and if it's queried then do a straight reply " We thought you were joking!! But no, we wouldn't do that."

TheFishFish · 17/09/2026 18:38

I mean, it's your fucking house!

You don't need to be gentle here, you don't need to come up with excuses.

"No, you cheeky fuck, you can't use our house as a free air bnb."

Job done. And make sure your DH understands that position as well.

tommyhoundmum · 17/09/2026 18:38

TunnelLight · 17/09/2026 01:33

Ofcourse you’re not being unreasonable. You just have to think of a gentle but firm way of saying ‘no this doesn’t work for you’.

In the future, don’t tell others your holiday plans.

Ensure they don't have a key. Make sure your DH understands how important this is to you.

There is envy and your belongings might not be respected.

Alittlewordinyourear · 17/09/2026 18:38

Do not let them use your house , under pressure from my husband I let his sister and family use our house for a week when we were away and they were attending a wedding . I can back from holiday to a complete mess - wet towels Lying on bathroom floors among other mess, beds not stripped and stained with fake tan, helped themselves to wine beer and food. She poured half my expensive EspA bath oil which I saved for special occasions into her bath and didn’t clean the oily residue and the final straw was fruit and crumbs left lying on kitchen floor and worktops leading to an invasion of fruit flies ! I thought my marriage was not going to survive it! The benefit of my holiday vanished on arrival home after midnight having to change beds. Me proclaiming they will never set foot n my house again and my husband lamely saying “ I’m surprised - it’s not like them “ when in fact it actually is !

thegrumblingkitten · 17/09/2026 18:39

Just say no.

They have no respect for your property; you already know that.
And ALL your personal items and things are in your home ... just say no.

Your DH needs to man up, but if he won't, you need to say no. Don't explain, don't make up excuses, just say no, that won't be happening. You don't owe them holidays.

itsalltoplayfor · 17/09/2026 18:40

She could always book and pay for accommodation, like most other people have to do.
So give an unmistakable "no, not ever" to the request but to soften the blow offer a shortlist of nearby hotels or Air BnB they might stay at. Tell them you'd love to meet up or have them round for a meal whilst they are residing at the accommodation but they aren't staying at yours!

suki1964 · 17/09/2026 18:42

Therescathairinmybath · 17/09/2026 18:25

You need to stop making guests so welcome! Tell them to bring their own sheets, towels and food.

Show quote history

Seriously?

Have you ever done that?

As I say I dont actually " feed " them as such. just have the normal tea,coffee, bread, milk , biscuits etc in, they would pay for a take away or a meal out ,

Sandyq106 · 17/09/2026 18:42

Once you start that scenerio, it will be even more difficult to stop, don't do it

RetirementIsGreat · 17/09/2026 18:45

Show this thread to your DH. YANBU

Foodwench66 · 17/09/2026 18:47

aloris · 17/09/2026 04:05

Not sure I would leave it up to your husband to tell them the news that you won't be lending them your home. He may cave in and give them the idea that they can use it just this once. I think you need to tell them yourselves so that you can make it abundantly clear that this will not be happening and that, if they even hint again at expecting it, then it will be very damaging to their relationship with you.

Great point! I would be the bad guy. I am not afraid to take on that role as My husband can sometimes have issues enforcing boundaries, like house guest matters. But he takes on being the bad guy for other matters for me so it evens out :).

Harmonypuss · 17/09/2026 18:53

I've only read the first page of replies so I'm sorry if someone has already said this over the following 11 pages.
I'd be making it abundantly clear to the CFs who want to have holidays in your home that it is a firm 'NO' by saying the following (or something along these lines...
"For all the years we owned half of what YOU consider to be 'THE Holiday Home', you've taken advantage of our generosity. Yes, your parents may have told everyone to use the place for free, but we were never consulted on this.
Throughout all those years we've had to pay half of the maintenance and upkeep costs for the place. We never saw anyone other than your parents contribute to that, so exactly WHAT did you contribute?
We've had to clean up after you dirty sods have gone home leaving the place a mess, and none of you have even acknowledged the fact that WE, NOT YOU had ownership of the place. In reality, you had absolutely NO rights to use it.
Now that that house is gone, are you REALLY so entitled that you think we're going to continue to allow this in our own home? Because if you do think that, you're sorely mistaken! You've taken advantage of us all these years, and this is where it stops!
Go and ask your parents whether you can stay at their place for your holidays.
Not by the beach? What a shame!
Well, if you want access to a place by a beach, why don't you put your hands in your pockets and buy somewhere yourselves? That's what we did. For US, NOT YOU"
Plus, as all Mumsnetters know... "No" is a complete sentence!

Foodwench66 · 17/09/2026 18:56

SayingNoToFamily · 17/09/2026 05:32

I am unfortunately, as some of you have suggested, quite concerned that DH will indeed cave and say they can use it.

I've told him not to use the term 'beach holiday' if he invites them to stay with us, when we're here, but he doesn't see a problem with that.

Thanks for some of the ideas for responses, I do think DH should be the one to deliver this, not leaving me to look like the bad guy.

@SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut the house originally belonged to DH's great grandparents, when they died it was left to DH's parents and DH's aunt. The aunt wanted to sell, so DH was asked if we wanted to buy her share, which we did with a mortgage. We didn't live in that country at that time, or for the next 15 years, so although ownership changed, nothing else did and as his siblings grew up and had families, they all used it. They didn't ask us at that time, as we weren't here and wouldn't be using it. It became more of a problem since we returned and can see them not asking to use it, not cleaning up after themselves. DBIL is actually worse than DSil in this respect and used the house last Easter and his DC left chocolate smeared all over the floor and fridge and half an egg stuck on the back of a chair. DH was really cross, but didn't challenge them. He did mention it to his DM, but she made excuses for them (which is what she always does).

@Woodfiresareamazing2 I would say we are more wealthy that DBil, but probably not particulary so compared to DSil. I think they all just used the holiday house for so long that they felt entitled to it and now are looking for a replacement.

@99bottlesofkombucha No I'm not a tidy person and neither are our DC. I have suggested to DH that he uses that as a reason why DSil can't stay, but not sure that will put them off from asking in future

@KWhOoo I was thinking the same about allowing them to stay overnight and how this could lead to more requests, but DH said my family stay when they visit, so why can't his. I've explained that my family come to visit us, not just use the house and they haven't already had years of free holiday at our expense.

I'd tell Hubby that if he caves and says yes to them staying while you're gone that you will simply contact them and turn his yes back into a No yourself. I have had to do that before when Hubby accidentally told someone they could stay with us, but he forgot that we already had guests coming during the same time. I don't do the More the merrier thing and want people sleeping on couches and all over the house as college life ended over 30 years ago.... so I reached out and told them, sorry Hubby made a mistake so No.... So be the Bad guy if need be. Embrace it.

NazMedusa · 17/09/2026 19:05

Absolutely flipping not. Put your foot down and stand firm on this. You give people an inch, they'll take a mile. This is what has happened here. 'no' is a full sentence.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 17/09/2026 19:06

Absolutely refuse. I haven't read all the posts, I will go back and do so. You talk about getting it ready for guests, how inconvenient is that when you're going away..............and then! would they have your home cleaned, with beds changed, and all the linen and towels laundered. Why would you want to clear up after them when you'll be returning with your own holiday washing to add to their pile??? They've got a damn cheek. Yes! As poster said above I'd counteract your husband if he says yes,it's your home too, they shouldn't ask and I'd tell them, it's a request too far!