Worry about DD at uni who just called

I can totally relate when your teen first moves away. My teen went to Uni last year, Her halls created an In Case Of Emergncy list in the communal area which gave some peace of mind. I am sure she is fine. x

@Raisingresiliantteens

((HUG))

i'm so relieved, DD was okay💕.

I'm sorry you had some nasty replies on your thread.

Selfishly, I'm glad I read your thread today when it has been resolved as I would've been very worried as well if I'd read it last night.

Recently, I started watching the drama where the daughter called her Mum, but the Mum missed the call and called her back but couldn't get hold of her. ( also in the middle of the night.) she was on a foreign exchange trip and the Mum ended up going out there & it all got a bit weird. I think it was called The Call. I don't suggest you watch it. I only watched the first one of three. A trauma would like this wouldn't normally bother me like that, but it really did and as soon as I read your OP my heart started racing..

Getting a Missed Call hearing a scream and not being able to get hold of DD is worrying, pay no attention to the people being rude!!

🤗

I’m not sure I agree because a university student shouldn’t be phoning their parents in the middle of the night if they were in trouble anyway. That wasn’t an option before mobile phones and we managed perfectly fine taking responsibility for ourselves in those days.

Lastpushtothesummit , if my child was I trouble, regardless of age or where they are, I would want them to know I'm always at the end of the phone,if they need help. It has nothing to do with responsibility, It's called being family.

Why not?

If a group is out drunk or you’re all in trouble - who would you call?

I’ve always told my DC (and nieces and nephews etc) to give me a missed call or blank text if they ever need me but don’t have an excuse to ring me or can’t text properly etc.

Even now I would call a family member in an emergency over a friend because they are likely to call back and see if you need help.

Who would you contact in an emergency now that you are an adult?

Exactly this!

I am an adult and wouldn’t think twice about contacting a family member if I was in trouble.

My family aren’t even that close but I know that they know they can always contact me if they’re in trouble.

My DC could be married with kids and they’ll still know that I’d help them if they were in trouble.

Manage it regularly WHILE putting it in my pocket

Partner?Friends,?

I'm glad she's OK. My son did the same thing the other week and I also panicked even though I was 99.9% sure it was just a pocket dial .Until I'd heard from him I couldn't relax. He's 25! We don't stop worrying about our kids just because they get older I'd rather have a mum who worried than one who doesn't seem to care.

Phew! Glad it worked out ok op.

FWIW I had a similar experience some years ago. A friend called me and all I could hear was a sort of keening noise and radio or tv in the background. I shouted down the phone but no response. She was in a town 2-3 hours drive from where I was, so I couldn't just go round.
Eventually I dialled 999 and, explained the situation to the call controller (I still had the call open on my mobile, I called 999 using my landline, so I was able to let them listen). They sent an ambulance round ... and ... it was an accidental dial and she was singing along to the radio! 😳

Quite - plus probably too late to mull over with friends

But we’re not ‘in those days’ any more!

Regrettably not, judging by the state of a large number of teenagers and young people!

"They are always always just trying to cut the apron strings a bit" @Kindling1970 - that would be lovely if it were always true, but its not is it.

My DD is 25 now but I always remember when she was 18 at uni a couple of hours away, I posted on here I was worried - similar circumstances - and someone came back on and said well its ridiculous to worry because even if you drove there now, she'd be dead by the time you reached her (precise quote not paraphrasing). And apparently, that was ok.

Anyway the OP did nothing wrong and I am glad to see she had some support on this thread.

All I’m saying is I work in pastoral support and every year the anxiety in young people goes up and up as they have parents panicking at the smallest thing, which then tells the child they can’t cope. It’s not about not caring for your child. I worry about my adult children. It’s about containing that so your child feels capable.

I don't think worrying about a child's safety means you don't think they are capable.

My parents couldn't get through to me at uni this was in the year 2000 and the university took their message and pinned it on a notice board.

It’s natural when it’s your first one away. I worried about mine that first year. She’s in her third now in a house and very savvy. But I still worry.

Yes and not just capable but be allowed to breathe worrying is normal being paranoid and hysterical is not

How much of children's mental health issues are from parents?

Yep, and these hysterical, paranoid parents think they are better than those who give their children room to breathe. In fact, they are damaging their children.

Did we? I'm not saying phoning home would have helped, but the idea tchat we all just went around from18 making perfect decisions and live a happy safe life is laughable. If a call home to Mom changes a stupid decision you were about to make, if it makes yo u rethink and go back in the vclub / home whatever, I wouldn't care what age or what time they called.

Incredibly paranoid to think an unexpected call I ntbe middle of the night, a muffled noise, a scream and then a dead phone is a worrying combo? You must live I na nice world.

And by find out soon enough I assume you mean when the Police turn up to tell her something bad happened? So, if yo u think something bad has happened to your 18 year old, just go back to sleep until the police wake you up, meh not like you should be that bothered anyway?

I think some are failing to recognise that there are many levels in between helicopter parent and bye-you-are-an-adult-now-see-you-at-Christmas parent.

Before our DS had his health issue I'd describe my approach as here-for-advice-and-chat-if-needed, but now I to need to check in with him because he had brain surgery in May. From this week he has flat mates, so I'm pleased that 'alone' isn't a criteria in relation to checking in now. It's been a fine line to tread over the summer and some 'new normal' to define. A weird closer and yet more independent status has come out of it. The thing is that one needs to be there for one's young adult kids, as appr to situation.

Whatever level is right for you as a parent and them as an adult child levels out. It might hit a little bump or whopping great curveball along the way, it might not.

The PP's point wasn't if you're worried, go back to sleep, it was DONT worry, go back to sleep. Because actually, yes, we live in a pretty nice world where a call in the middle of the night like that is going to be a pocket dial 99.9% of the time. If it is one of the rare occasions when there is something to be worried about, you will be informed (with actual information). It's not like calling the uni or jumping in the car, or fretting in the middle of the night is going to prevent the "bad". Save yourself for when you can actually be helpful. (Of course, if what you hear means there's something you actually can do that would be helpful if something had gone wrong and not just assuage your anxiety, then do it).

One thing I always do if a call isn't answed is send a WhatsApp message. If not delivered I know phone probably out of signal or battery and that is why it's not answered.