Worry about DD at uni who just called

It's the people who are childishly concerned about "not being THAT person" who miss opportunities to stop situations developing further.

That said, Op, I'm sure the most likely thing is a pocket dial. But sometimes the less likely things DO happen.

So glad all is well OP, all sorts of things go through a parent's head at times like this. It's quite normal to be concerned, especially in the early weeks or if something feels off or a bit out of character.

My DS is fine now, but our experience was similar to one of the previous posters on this thread. I got a voicemail from ambulance crew from DSs phone because he'd had a seizure. He's now 4 months post surgery and about to start back at uni. Inevitably, part of the safety routine going forward has been and will be to check in with each other. There are a few people who don't get this, I don't get them!

You sound like a lovely, caring mum Op, glad it was all fine!

The STUDENTS pay £<9k a year. Not for the parents reassurance

People have got too used to being in touch with people 24/7, and although obviously it's convenient in many ways, it lends itself to this sort of paranoia.

I left home at 17 to live at university, and in halls of residence for about 300 people there was one payphone. If my parents wanted to get hold of me outside of a weekly call, they had to write (write!) a letter or phone the payphone and hope that whoever answered it could find me. I hate to think how some people would cope with that now.

Glad it was OK . But it might help to think that if she was really in trouble and able to. call she would call 999 if anything. What use is calling you when you are miles away .

The OP wasn't worried because she hadn't heard from her. She was worried because she had. A muffled sound, a scream, and then a dead phone. It's ok to be worried about that as a mum.

Glad that she’s ok OP.

I also wanted to add that, as a uni pastoral staff, we know that parents are concerned and we’d rather know that a student had reached out than have them unhappy and a stressed parent at home. We get it!

I’m always staggered that people brag about switching off and not giving a thought about their offspring’s wellbeing once they hit a certain age, move out, go to uni -

sad reflection of fragmentation of society -
maybe people care more about the online world / doom scrolling than connecting / caring / relating to their loved ones and their wellbeing !

My DD and all of her friends btw have each other on Life 360. If one of them gets drunk and separated, the others can find her quickly. Everyone's kids, especially daughters, should be using it.

Our halls pre mobiles had one phone per 3 floors in the stairwell. You had to rely on someone hearing it ringing and answer it and they’d then come knock on your door and if you weren’t in leave a message on your door ( we all had a little box of post it notes for the purpose) The last part was the theory not quite the practice. People would forget, couldn’t be bothered. Message the wrong door etc. anyway I got rather caught up in university life and failed to call my mum for 3 weeks. Turns out she’d been calling everyday since the first week, I was always out and people had promised they’d leave a message but none of them did. One said to her ‘oh the girl that lived in that room left one night a few weeks ago, we haven’t seen her since’ mistaking my room for another room (where yes she left in the dead of night to return to Spain).
My mother was beside herself but those were the days where we were pretty independent at 18 and she would never have called the hall management (there was no one to call anyway!)
She said it was the worst two week of her life and had to convince herself I was just out having a good time.
Madness to think I could have been dead in a ditch somewhere and noone would know and she lived with that anxiety for weeks on her last nerve.

FFS ‘lying then or now’… were you a member of the stasi in a past life?

I’m picturing this comment being made by someone in the shadow whilst pointing a light at the face of the op. Just what is it with this thing of posters trying to ‘catch out’ the OP’s?

it's near midnight, her daughter called unexpectedly and got cut off, then didn't reply. if the worst had happened and op had done nothing, just turned her phone off and gone to sleep a. do you think she'd have ever forgiven herself b. shed be vilified for not at least trying.

op I'm glad she just butt dialled you x

There's a huge difference between not giving a thought about your adult child and having those anxiety thoughts but managing them yourself in order to allow your child to live their life. A lot of parents step back confident that the adult they raised has the skills they need and will ask for help when they need it.

I'm not saying OP was wrong to call the uni but suggesting that parents who wouldn't have called don't care about their children is just as cruel as PP saying OP is embarrassing and overreacting.

This would have been really out of character for my DD and so I too would have been worried.

Mobile phones have caused us to have anxiety, which has unfortunately trickled down to the younger generations but in this case, I think most parents would be concerned.

I’m guessing this panic was a one off and you’re not constantly texting and calling her - so it’s fine.
MN can be odd sometimes.

Funny thing to put on mumsnet, what could anyone on here possibly know about it?

I completely disagree.

Maybe a compromise could be turning it on only for the night out but I do not think tracking each others whereabouts is normal and should not be normalised.

This could easily lead to a bf saying he needs to put her on his life360 for ‘safety’ when actually it’s a form of control.

No one needs to know where you are all of the time.

It's still incredibly paranoid to think that there was a problem rather than it just being a pocket dial.

If there was an issue, you'd find out fast enough without needing to go mad with worry. At some point you have to accept your kids are no longer your responsibility every waking moment. It's not healthy for the parents or their adult children to demand constant contact.

Glad she was ok OP. Whilst pocket dial was definitely the most likely, it's understandable that your mind went to 'what if's', especially at night time.

This is true but also I work in pastoral support at a university and we have 40,000 students to support and it’s so annoying when you have to spend time tracking down a student because of things like this. It happens all the time. Also please don’t call because your child hasn’t called you in 24 hours. They are always always just trying to cut the apron strings a bit.

Agreed, this level of monitoring is so unhealthy for students. No wonder the levels of anxiety are through the roof and they have no life skills or resilience.

Well, each to their own, but my dd and her uni friend groups all use this, and of course they switch it off and on for privacy. One night a friend was taken to A&E after suspected spiking. A&E told the girls to go back to halls and they would keep an eye on the spiked girl. At 2AM the hospital turned out the still spaced out girl onto the streets. The girl phoned my dd. Lucky the housemates had her location on Life 360 and managed to find her in the hospital car park. I'll give you another, a girl phoned my dd in distress because she was pissed, disoriented, had a low battery and her mate had dumped her for a hook up. By the time my dd found her, her phone had died completely but she was able to see her last known location and get her back safely. Another girl in the same town was separated but assulted by a nightclub bouncer. Unfortunately no one knew where she was. We live in a sad world where anything could have happened. My dd and her bf don't have each other on Life 360.

Yeah this. The adult student is paying for their education. Not a service whereby their parents call the Uni every time their child can't be reached for a few hours.

It’s almost impossible to pocket dial anyone these days.

Every phone automatically locks and requires a passcode or facial recognition to open it.

The only way it can pocket dial is if you have it unlocked and then you have a short window where you may accidentally press something and even then it’s rare.

This was even worse because when OP tried calling her back, she couldn’t get hold of her.

This sounds like a complete one off and OP isn’t someone who constantly checks on her DD.

Any half decent parent would have worried in this situation.

I completely agree that parents monitoring has caused massive anxiety in young people.

However, in this situation any parent would have been worried.

Missing a call from your child in the middle of the night and then not being able to reach them would have any half decent parent worrying that they’re ok.