AIBU to go to a concert while my husband’s mum is dying?

You're not close to MIL but presumably are close to your DH - I would cancel the concert and go to the hospice at least once to support your husband

He must be close to his mum if he normally visited her a few times a week

I would definitely stay. I think asking your dh is a tricky one as he might not want to suggest you don’t go but won’t necessarily know what he may need.

I would go , its only one night . When my fil was coming to the end of his life , my hubbie ( only child ) took his mother in every day . It took 8 weeks for him to pass away. Most of the time he was asleep or confused and didn't know who they were. I never went once , i did attend the funeral though

I would go to the concert and support my friend. You may be a similar age to her, ie about 40. If so you know that good friendships last, perhaps longer than relationships, but they need maintaining too. Presumably DH knows it has been booked for sometime, so would remind him and say that you will only be out for the evening with "Jennie", but back by x o'clock. Is there anything he needs doing before you leave ( eg tea, dog walked, shirt ironed). But you need to go.

Needing a syringe driver doesn’t necessarily mean the person ’only has days left’. My late DH had 2 syringe drivers as some of the many meds he was prescribed for extreme pain couldn’t be mixed. He was terminally ill with cancer, but managed over 3 months.
The OP’s MIL may well only have a few days, but the requirement for a syringe driver is not an indication of that.

It's only a few hours for a concert? I would go, but be prepared to leave early if something happens. Different to, say, going abroad on holiday or away overnight, which I wouldn't do.

It’s not about your relationship with your MIL.

It’s solely about your relationship with your husband.

So whatever he’d like you to do. Personally I’d postpone ABBA because I’d enjoy it more at a later date.

edited to add - how close are you to the venue? Can you travel back easily at any point? Overnight stay or late night travel@? Would your friend be prepared to leave at the drop of a hat?

Speak to your DH and see what he wants you to do.

She could live for a couple more weeks yet and so you can’t put your life on hold.

But if he needs you, then I’d be there for him.

Do you have young DCs?
If he gets a phone call and you’re not there will be able to drop everything and go?

if this was me I wouldn't mind if you went to the concert. you will only be away a few hours whatever happens. different if you were going travelling for 6 months maybe

Your DH needs you. Stay close to him. Actions speak louder than words. Show him who you are x

If it was a longer timeframe then maybe I’d go but I think it would be very very selfish not to prioritise your OH right now.
As per, mumsnet will tell you it’s fine because you are a woman but would scream LTB instantly if tge roles were reversed

Insensitive and not funny.

OP what does your DH want? A few years ago I was waiting for my dad to die and there’s no way I wanted my DH to put his life on hold during this time, and he’d known my dad for decades.

I would go to ABBA. This could go on for a long time and given you're not close to her.... though you do need to e careful about sharing this sentiment. Clearly he will want support for him, but this doesn't mean you downing tools. We're not Victorians.

How has your relationship with her not developed at all? That's where I'm curious. He sees her several times pw, so you're all close, yet you've not spent much time with her. Any backstory?!

This ! 100% !
in all honesty I wouldn’t go. I would want to support my husband. It is unfortunate about your friend but I’m sure there will be plenty other concerts/social occasions. Your MIL dying is a completely valid reason to support your husband

@HonestGoldAnt GO! They say days but days can become weeks.

Also, does he have siblings? Is he close to his mum? Is he devestated? Do you think he needs you to be around? Personally I would tell my dh to go on with his life- I know he would be there for me just like you will be there for your dh when she passes. No need to be there at the exact moment which you can't know anyway.

I think it depends on the family dynamic and what your husband would prefer you do.

Some families carry on carrying on and some stop everything and wait.

Do what is right for YOUR relationship.

(FWIW, my mum died at the weekend, my husband went to a sporting event on Friday with my blessing.)

Life goes on, friends are important. I'd go. Unless she actually dies before the concert, in which case a last minute cancellation would be understandable.

What, someone who abandons their friends when they are also having a hard time?!

Imagine you’re just parking up at the venue, about to go in. Or just getting off the train.

your phone starts ringing with a call from your DH.

will you ignore it and go into the concert? Or will you answer it and rush back home if it’s bad news?

equally, if he’s sitting with mum and she reaches the end of her life, will he call you in the knowledge you’re at the concert? Or will he leave it until you get home so that you can enjoy the rest of the concert with your friend?

they’re the questions I’d be asking myself.

What does your dh want you to do?

when my mil died my Christmas work night out was a week after, I told dh I was going to stay home with him but he told me to go out, I’d paid for it and his mum wouldn’t have wanted me to stay home. He dropped me off and picked me up 4 hrs later.

It's a bit tone deaf.
I'm surprised you need to ask this.

Any decent friend would understand

I've voted YANBU. Three years ago today we had tickets to a show with several other people. That morning my DM was admitted to hospital with an undiagnosed problem - possible stroke? She was in an assessment ward and we were not able to stay with her and I really did not want to go to the show. But I was persuaded to go. I had my phone off of course but was able to check every 10 minutes and there was no contact from the hospital. If the hospital had wanted me I was with four people who would have taken me there straight away.

To me, it sounds like your DH's relationship with his DM is something he handles on his own. What does he want from you right now? If he is saying "please stay home" then do what he asks but if he is happy for you to go then do it.

I’d cancel.

The idea that my partner’s mum might die and he comes home to an empty house, or me not there to support him immediately afterward, is more unbearable than letting a friend down.

Hmm, no. Insensitive but funny.

Obviously the OP should ask her husband what he thinks and do what he suggests