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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have made him a drink

82 replies

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:40

Help settle an argument for me

husband was upstairs, had been for about 5 minutes and I could hear he was in the bathroom.
I was downstairs, washing up and putting things away- poured myself a glass of Coke. By the time he came down I was sat in the living room with our daughter with my drink. He makes a sarcastic comment about not making him a drink too.
was I wrong to not make one too?

OP posts:

nomas · 17/09/2026 17:05

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 16:58

There are a lot of similar comments so I will answer some questions in one go
• no he is not disabled in any way
• he will offer to make me a drink if it is hot or we are in the same room ( we have open plan downstairs so can easily ask if the other wants a drink from the kitchen) as I do to him back
• I do feel like sometimes he doesn’t like me very much.. I have vocalised this to him and I am always told it’s not true . He often tries to act like nothing happened quite quickly after being a grump about something minor like this. I find it harder to let go of the annoyance as I feel like he sabotages our time together with this stupidity. For context yesterday we had a nice time out together whilst children at school, a novelty as our youngest has only just started school. Then I feel very deflated when he nitpicks something that I see as a non issue

What would happen if you lost your shit or told him coldly and calmly to not speak to you like that again or call you selfish?

Or what would happen you if you started doing it back to him? Berating him for being selfish every time he gets himself something to eat?

Because something has to change.

JeanSimmons · 17/09/2026 17:08

He's being ridiculous. I wouldn't even make a hot drink under those circumstances, in case it got cool before the person left the bathroom.

NotMajorTom · 17/09/2026 17:10

JeanSimmons · 17/09/2026 17:08

He's being ridiculous. I wouldn't even make a hot drink under those circumstances, in case it got cool before the person left the bathroom.

I think if my partner was in the bathroom I’d wait until they were out and then make mine (and theirs)

I think in the past I’ve been called selfish for just doing my own

Justchillinhere · 17/09/2026 17:24

I wouldn't be maid service, he's a grown up and can make whatever he likes whenever he likes, does he make the children's food and drinks

Sxwer · 17/09/2026 18:21

I agree with others and you clearly realise it yourself, he doesn't like you.
He is passively aggressively picking at you and grinding you down.

You can allow this to happen or you can tell him calmly that it is clear he isn't happy, he is being extremely nasty in a sneaky way with his calling you selfish, and perhaps you need to talk about whether the marriage is viable.

Call him out firmly and calmly, and let him know that actually you do not want to be emotionally abused by him, and will not tolerate it.

He does this because he thinks he can get away with it.