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Original poster

Should I have made him a drink

82 replies

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:40

Help settle an argument for me

husband was upstairs, had been for about 5 minutes and I could hear he was in the bathroom.
I was downstairs, washing up and putting things away- poured myself a glass of Coke. By the time he came down I was sat in the living room with our daughter with my drink. He makes a sarcastic comment about not making him a drink too.
was I wrong to not make one too?

OP posts:
nomas · 17/09/2026 14:19

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

How often does he ask you if you want a tea, a bowl of cereal or a snack bar?

I'm guessing not very often.

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 17/09/2026 14:26

He is being absolutely ridiculous but sounds like there are probably bigger problems than this
Would never occur to me to make anyone in my family a cold drink if I was getting one (kids included - they are old enough to get their own). Hot drinks fair enough. Kettle goes on, you check if anyone wants a brew.

HoppityBun · 17/09/2026 14:27

Tell him to lead by example

chirrupybird · 17/09/2026 14:33

It really depends how you normally interact, for some things I might ask, 'making a coffee do you want one? But I wouldn't be searching for him to ask and I wouldn't make him one on spec assuming that he might want one. Breakfasts in our house everyone does their own thing at different times.

Dracolina · 17/09/2026 14:34

Blackraven17 · 16/09/2026 16:40

Help settle an argument for me

husband was upstairs, had been for about 5 minutes and I could hear he was in the bathroom.
I was downstairs, washing up and putting things away- poured myself a glass of Coke. By the time he came down I was sat in the living room with our daughter with my drink. He makes a sarcastic comment about not making him a drink too.
was I wrong to not make one too?

Pouring a soda into a glass is not "making a drink" - you literally just opened a can or a bottle and poured the content into a glass. If you'd gone through the trouble of boiling water for tea or coffee, warming milk for hot chocolate, or were actually mixing cocktails, I would say you were unreasonable to not make one for your husband. But since we're talking about a soda, he's got legs, he can walk to the kitchen and get one himself. How were you even supposed to know that he wanted a soda if he hadn't told you? It would be wasteful to pour him a soda only for him to say he didn't want one.

NattyKnitter116 · 17/09/2026 14:37

Hmm. Does he always offer to make you whatever he is making. Does he bring you drinks if you’re not well. I guess the key is whether it’s one sided. I never offered to do anything for ex as I always felt like he was trying to ‘win’ all
the time. It’s exhausting and you end up resenting them.
Completely different with my husband. We will shout up the stairs and ask if they want anything. But there is no ‘winning’. We’re a partnership and he pulls his weight and is emotionally mature.
If he does always ask you if you want something then you should reciprocate. If you don’t want to then maybe explore why you feel that way.

(I used to hate making tea at work for this reason! A 2 min job turns in to a mission!)
Though My guess is he’s just being a petty child.

thetinsoldier · 17/09/2026 14:38

What does he do for you, OP?

ShutupLwren · 17/09/2026 14:42

Another vote for telling him to fuck off. Pathetic twat.

FeliciaFancybottom · 17/09/2026 14:45

Pouring Coke into a glass is not making a drink.

puppysleepdeprivation · 17/09/2026 14:45

He must be a joy to live with.

purplecorkheart · 17/09/2026 14:47

He sounds like a utter twat. I bet if you had poured a drink he would complain that it was going warm while he was on the loo.

God men like this make me happy to be single!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/09/2026 14:49

That’s bonkers! Getting yourself a cold drink, as in just pouring some into a glass, or a bowl of cereal isn’t something that requires offering one to the other person.

Something like a cup of tea, had he not been in the shower, it would be conventional to offer to make him one, if you have the kind of relationship where you do this for each other. But only if all that is the case!

FiveEightNine · 17/09/2026 14:51

Is he regularly preparing things for you/offering when he makes his own?

It wouldn't make you necessarily wrong, but I'm very curious now, whether he does things for you and hope for the same, or whether he has serious double standards issue.

outerspacepotato · 17/09/2026 14:52

The Lord and Master left his throne and you didn't read his mind and have that cold soda he wanted waiting for him?

Bad maidservant! Go grovel to the Manly Man and beg for forgiveness! /Sarcasm

Fucking asshole. Is his hand broke that he can't pour a fucking soda?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/09/2026 14:55

NattyKnitter116 · 17/09/2026 14:37

Hmm. Does he always offer to make you whatever he is making. Does he bring you drinks if you’re not well. I guess the key is whether it’s one sided. I never offered to do anything for ex as I always felt like he was trying to ‘win’ all
the time. It’s exhausting and you end up resenting them.
Completely different with my husband. We will shout up the stairs and ask if they want anything. But there is no ‘winning’. We’re a partnership and he pulls his weight and is emotionally mature.
If he does always ask you if you want something then you should reciprocate. If you don’t want to then maybe explore why you feel that way.

(I used to hate making tea at work for this reason! A 2 min job turns in to a mission!)
Though My guess is he’s just being a petty child.

I agree with that!

Edenmum2 · 17/09/2026 14:57

I’ve never made a cold drink and asked if DH wants one. I would find it weird if he asked me. He’s an adult i’m assuming?

MasterBeth · 17/09/2026 14:57

Just to be clear, you did not make a glass of Coke or a bowl of cereal. You poured them out.

HollyhocksandPeons · 17/09/2026 14:58

moleinthehouse · 16/09/2026 16:41

The bigger question is why you are married to a man who isn’t nice to you

Yeah! Fuck him! Dump him immediately! Piece of scum.
P.S. I hope you were sarcastic?

Mathsbabe · 17/09/2026 15:29

Does he model the behaviour that he wants from you?

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/09/2026 15:34

Obviously yanbu

Out of interest, how often does he get your cereal and drinks etc? Is this something that he routinely does for you and would like you to reciprocate, or is he by any chance labouring under the misapprehension that the purpose of your existence as a female is to serve him?

thegrumblingkitten · 17/09/2026 15:53

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

He's trying to train you do serve him.

Hard no.

MyMilchick · 17/09/2026 15:56

Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 00:23

I can’t believe how he still insists I am wrong.. but to add to my “selfishness” he says me making myself cereal ( cold milk cereal) grabbing a cereal bar in the morning for breakfast and not asking if he wants anything is selfish too. Am I wrong in assuming a 40 year old man is capable of doing this?? I feel like I am going mad here.

Would he always ask you if he was making similar stuff? - Just curious if he expects you to do stuff he doesn't do himself

NotMajorTom · 17/09/2026 16:16

Genuinely a bit surprised at this thread as if I’m ever making a drink (or even poring one) I’d always ask my partner if they wanted one.

i also feel that if someone posted that their male partner had done this, but followed it up by saying “fuck off”, “I’m not your servant” or “have your arms fallen off” like the op has been advised to do it would not be met with Mumsnet approval

Ponderingwindow · 17/09/2026 16:21

Flat, watered down coke. Yummy.

why would anyone want a soft drink poured in advance?

Original poster
Blackraven17 · 17/09/2026 16:58

There are a lot of similar comments so I will answer some questions in one go
• no he is not disabled in any way
• he will offer to make me a drink if it is hot or we are in the same room ( we have open plan downstairs so can easily ask if the other wants a drink from the kitchen) as I do to him back
• I do feel like sometimes he doesn’t like me very much.. I have vocalised this to him and I am always told it’s not true . He often tries to act like nothing happened quite quickly after being a grump about something minor like this. I find it harder to let go of the annoyance as I feel like he sabotages our time together with this stupidity. For context yesterday we had a nice time out together whilst children at school, a novelty as our youngest has only just started school. Then I feel very deflated when he nitpicks something that I see as a non issue

OP posts: