Should I have made him a drink

Nah! If anyone in our family is making coffee/ tea, they shout out to the others. Cold drinks its every man for themselves.

Does he always offer you what he's having?

(Let me guess - he doesn't self-cater unless you've 'selfishly' sorted yourself out first.)

Out of interest, OP, how often does he make you a drink/something to eat when he's getting himself something? 🤔

You said calling you selfish is his go-to thing.
That suggests to me that you have react3d to this in the past in a way that pleases him in some way.

You are NOT being selfish, so just lay that accusation to rest. Work out a response to him, for example, 'oh not that one again.
How very unoriginal '.

Or you could borrow a phrase from another long running MN thread - There We Are Then.
Aka TWAT.

He's definitely an arse.

Oh so he wants a maid. He thinks you should serve him. Does he do the same in return, if he's grabbing breakfast does he make yours? Grabbing a drink does he make them for all present?

Is it a special kind of bathroom, like a door to a Mr Benn world, that made his arms fall off when he exited? If so you’d have been a tiny bit unreasonable, if, and only if, he asked nicely after he came down and realised he couldn’t undo the lid with his toes.

I think asking someone who is upstairs in the bathroom if they want a coke is ridiculous and no, I wouldnt' do it. If I was pouring a glass and DH was in the room/downstairs - sure. If I was making coffee which is a bit of a palaver, I might call up and ask if he wants one. If I'm making tea, if he's downstairs, I'll ask, but not if he's upstairs.

I assume this is just the tip of a very large iceberg of irrational, controlling, abusive behaviours?

Ask him what his last slave died of.

I find it really weird when people want to be offered or served things in their own home.
You know where the drinks and glasses are, you can help yourself in your own home.
Fair enough if the kettle is on, you offer to make a tea/coffee for the other person. And making each other meals is nice (and normal) but to constantly have to serve a man baby a glass of coke or a cereal bar is weird. He wants a servant not a wife.

You didn't make a drink you just poured some coke out of a bottle
if you had been maki a cuppa you should have offered

OP, you are not being unreasonable. A cup of tea or coffee maybe but a glass of coke is a bit like a glass of water. My husband and I always make our own breakfasts.
Having said that, I have never drunk a glass of coke in front of my children except in a restaurant . It is a bad habit, yes I have many bad habits, but I would be encouraging my children to have a healthy diet.

Tell him to fucking grow up. Actually just tell him to fuck off. Stupid little man child.

Congratulations! You win Mumsnet!

He is being absolutely ridiculous.

Of course you're not selfish getting a glass of Coke for yourself and not for him when he's upstairs. A bit different if he's standing next to you.

But for Christ sake, you got a glass of Coke you didn't make Sunday roast for yourself and not ask him if he wanted some.

He's being utterly ridiculous & I don't imagine them for one minute that this is the only time he's being this ridiculous.

I would actually LTB the twat for behaving like this & creating such a horrible atmosphere over absolutely nothing.

what's your plan going forward? If you're not careful, he'll do such a mind job on you that you won't be the person you used to be. Not to mention how he's going to negatively affect your Daughter.

Life is too short to indulge nonsense like this.

He’s an adult male with (presumably) no physical disabilities, he can pour himself a glass of coke.

LTB and I’m only half joking.

My instant response to that was “oh fuck off!” 😂 but of course I would never actually say that…
Oh, oops 😉

How horrible is he likely to be about it if you include him in everything? if it were my DH, I would be taking the piss a bit, not that he would be pissy in the first place mind you.

I’m going to have a look out the window, do you want to come look as well?
I’m going to get a tampon out of the box do you want one as well?
I need to take my medication do you want some tablets as well?

On repeat for everything for a day til he gets the message

How have you not strangled him by now. You two are not one person. How are you supposed to know that he wants a glass of coke, a cereal bar och whatever? I don't always want what other people are drinking-eating. Next time he gets anything at all for himself you need to ask why he isn't giving you one too. Then when he does, just say you don't want it.

Yanbu
Why are you with him?
Why inflict him on a child?
Time to rethink your choices.
He sounds awful.

Some people clearly have zero problems in life

It could be either really, I suppose if you never do anything for him he could be irritated but in the same way if you normally do everything for him then he needs to be reminded actually this was ridiculous. I also agree not a hot drink so it’s not the same

Why does your husband think you are his maidservant?

Unless he has extensive physical disabilities that you haven’t yet mentioned, he ought to be capable of pouring himself a glass of coke and putting cornflakes in a bowl.

It sounds as if this man is finding reasons to call you selfish because he doesn't like you. Not good.

Fancy even calling that ‘making a drink’!