To book a solo weekend away without my partner?

Inform this dud that if, at any time he was under the impression that you wanted to travel with him, he was quite wrong.

He can go pound salt.

You are totally entitled to go somewhere yourself and enjoy something just for YOU. I think it sounds like a wonderful solo trip and I hope you have a great time. You can do what you please, when you please, eat what you please, when you please. Heck, my idea of heaven on earth!

Presuming you must be at the very least in your late twenties, and sounds like you dont have kids or own a house together, what is he doing to never have any money to go away? Does he work in a really dead end job? Or is he just rubbish with money?

Tbh op it sounds like you've outgrown the relationship. If youre not even living together after 12 years I think you know that too.

Even if he wasnt being unreasonable about going away alone (he is!), then getting "enraged" about something so minor is a huge red flag, as is him not wanting YOU to do nice things if he cant!

Have you never been away with friends or family or whatever without him? It sounds like you've spent most of what should be your fun carefree years being a bit dragged tied down by this loser him.

Also can the "cost of london hotel" and "why would you want to spend that on going to a bookstore" people bore off. OP isnt asking for financial advice.

You’ve outgrown this joyless, constricting relationship, OP. Don’t waste another twelve years out of sunk cost fallacy. Don’t waste another twelve days, in fact.

And from whom have you absorbed the idea that loving books is ‘sad’?

Yes it is intimidating breaking up with someone, but relationships can become habitual and joyless. I broke up with my LTP at the age of 33 after 13 years together. It was the best thing I did.
I would also add that the fact he is 'enraged' is a massive red flag and very off putting. You are not be joined at the hip and are free to pursue separate interests with family and friends. Please do opt for a future without this man in your life.

YANBU, he sounds controlling and like he's holding you back.

If you like bookshops you need to plan a visit to Blackwells in Oxford, best bookshop I've ever been to, and I also love bookshops!

Is it Daunt? Wonderful!!!!
You need to be who you are and it sounds like he doesn't want that...

Edited to add that it sounds wonderful-my DS loves book stores more than any other type and would happily spend a day in one!

Op, I think this relationship has reached its expiry date. X

Are you more educated than him? He doesn't sound very bright/fully formed!

I’m glad your view of him has changed. This is not a good relationship for you. It’s hard to see that when you’ve been with someone for so long and from a young age but you have outgrown him.

I totally get why you want to go to the book shops. That part of Charing Cross Road has a character of its own and I think you will enjoy some of the smaller shops that are tucked away. If I was making that trip as a one off, I think I would splurge on the hotel and dinner too as far as I could afford to. Maybe even go over to the British library on the second day.

Dump the entitled, controlling prick and have a lovely time in London x

You're living in a small town, dating someone from your schooldays and your 20s are nearly gone. You barely travel.

Absolutely fine if that's what you want, but it doesn't sound like it.

You get one life, and it goes fast.

Literally nothing will change unless you decide to make a change.

In your shoes I'd be throwing my stuff ina suitcase and booking the next flight to Australia or somewhere else that allows for youth mobility. Go see the world while you still can.

And leave this controlling shitshow of a relationship behind. You are literally wasting your one precious life, voluntarily living in a cage.

Bloody hell, get him in the sea. If you wanted a solo trip to London to look at petrol stations/recycling bins/dog poo, he should be waving you off cheerily and wishing you a lovely time. Bin this deadweight, enjoy your trip and pick up a book on staying free from controlling men - I’m sure the good women of Mumsnet can recommend a few.

I have to say a 12 year relationship that has precluded the opportunity for someone probably just a couple of hours from London (£70 train fare) from ever visiting the city does sound like an almost complete waste of time …

You should go, and see how you feel about the relationship when you get back. Maybe you have outgrown him.

Please also visit Foyles on Charing Cross Road and all the second hand and independent bookshops in that area (if they are still there, it’s been a while!)

I've just come back from a lovely weekend away by myself. All my DH said was "have a nice time."
Not enraged. That's not a normal reaction. YANBU

He isn’t a partner - he is your self imposed prison guard. Controlling, demanding and needy. Please re assess your relationship.

F

Well you have had lots of enlightening answers about your 'DP' so I will concentrate on the books.
Please visit Hatchards Piccadilly. Its my absolute fave bookshop. Founded in 1797, 5 floors of fabulous books, Old wonky flooring, room after room to explore. and a lovely collection of very old/ first edition books, as well as every genre/ modern books.
If you really want a treat Fortnum & Masons is steps away, so treat yourself to something delicious to enjoy with your new books at the hotel.

Yes to Hatchards, and ask to see the table where Oscar Wilde reportedly signed his books. And then go to the Royal Academy just opposite.

Nope. Not his decision and I’m still dealing with a ex who wants to control and sticks his nose in at every opportunity 6 years after it ended! (I do have kids with him though so have to see him). Take it from me you’re worth more than this x

Sounds like a lovely plan OP! Go and enjoy :)

Also, sounds like you are still very young - plenty of time to get over a breakup (as at any almost age tbh). Don't waste your life with someone who doesn't celebrate you and the things you love.

(PS I recommend Daunt Books (Marylebone), London Review of Books bookshop, Foyles and on Charing Cross Road near Foyles there are lots of lovely second hand bookshops too)

He’s a freeloader.
I would dump his greedy arse.
Hope you have a brilliant time doing something you love.

Another one advising Foyles too. Have an amazing time!

Don’t feel intimidated. You will have so much head space and freedom to do what makes you happy. Sunken costs fallacy, guilt and fear makes us stay in these awful relationships much longer than we should. You are lucky that you don’t have a shared property, kids etc. I hope this is you getting the ick and a major wake up call that one more day with this man is a complete waste of your lovely, lovely life, that you only get once.

Your planned trip sounds utterly blissful and just my type of thing. When I lived in London, I could often be found in a big bookshop between work and home, where I went to de-stress and lose myself. And often, ironically enough, to escape my own rubbish relationship that I allowed to continue far too long. 13 years in my case. But I did leave and never looked back. You can do this. Good luck.